Shuffle
by angel-junkie
Summary: Random series of slight song-fic one-shots, all with a distinct Caskett flavour. *Please be aware of the language in Ch23. Bad, bad swear word*
1. The Only Exception

**TITLE:** Shuffle

**SUMMARY:** Random series of slight song-fic one-shots, all with a distinct Caskett flavour. If you've read_ Beauty In The Breakdown_, you'll understand.

**RATING: **M. I'm taking a nice high one, for later chapters. You know, language, smut… that kinda thing.

**SPOILERS:** Generally, none. But if there is a particular episode mentioned in the story, I will let you know, at the beginning of the chapter.

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own. But, wouldn't it be fun if I did? I'd be rich =D

**A/N:** There is no chronological order to these stories, simply a common theme. Song titles and artists will appear at the end of each chapter, and all songs have a place in my iPod. Maybe you wanna check 'em out?

Oh, and there's a slight (really, _very_ slight) hint at episode 5 of season 2, _When The Bough Breaks._

The Only Exception

"_Up until now I had sworn to myself that I am content with loneliness"_

He could hear their voices and laughter even before he opened the door to the loft, and the sound immediately brought a smile to his face. It wasn't the first time he had gotten home to find them sitting at either end of the leather couch, mugs in hand, chatting and laughing about everything and nothing. But this time, knowing the decision in his head was made, it felt all the better.

They had only been together for about six months, but he knew in his heart that she was it. Hell, he'd known it even before their personal relationship had shifted and crossed that line between friends and something more.

And, seeing her laugh with his daughter only confirmed it.

He pushed the door shut with a soft click, and draped his coat over one of the pegs on the coat stand that was already bursting with colour from their different tastes. "How are my two favourite ladies this evening?"

Alexis looked over her shoulder, her eyes shining with laughter. "Hey dad. I'm good. Detective Beckett's been telling me stories about her high school friends. How was your meeting?"

He saw Kate roll her eyes and smile softly at the name. His grin grew a little as she reached out and swatted the girl's shoulder, before, once again, telling her to call her 'Kate'.

He screwed up his face at his daughter and answered, "It was boring. Paula was once again trying to talk me into writing about a certain British spy. But, you know, as much as I would _love_ to do that, I'm quite happy with what I've got going now. I didn't need that certain spy to fill my days when I was sick of Derrick Storm, and I most definitely don't need him now. Nikki Heat is a handful as it is."

Kate rolled her eyes again and tilted her head back to accept his kiss as he moved around the couch to sit right smack-bang in the middle, his hands resting on a socked foot of his two favourite people. He squeezed Kate's foot softly, and turned to her. "Have you gotten anywhere with the case?"

She bobbed her head from side to side. "Kinda. We're just waiting on a couple of warrants. The boys told me to tell you that they hoped you were going to come in tomorrow because 'office days' just aren't the same without you there." She paused and grinned widely. "Is there some kind of bromance going on that I've somehow missed?"

Castle shook his head and laughed lightly. "Oh, no. They just know that I order the good pizza for lunch. Besides, I'd never kiss and tell, someone might shoot me."

She snorted out a most unladylike laugh and kicked him gently with her foot. "In all seriousness, though. I have to agree with them. It's just not the same without you there."

"Why, detective Beckett, did you miss me?"

She shrugged, caught Alexis' eye and winked. "Not really. I actually managed to get some paperwork done."

His hand flew to his chest, as a look of mock pain crossed his features. "Oh, how you wound me."

Alexis laughed from the other end of the couch and Castle turned to offer her a wounded look. "Have I lost your sympathy now, too?"

Alexis grinned and shrugged. "What can I say, dad? It's a girl thing. We gotta stick together."

Kate laughed and he could feel it all the way down in her foot. Taking a deep breath, he decided that it was now or never. "So, while I've got you both here, there's something I would like to talk to you about." He felt them tense almost simultaneously. "It's nothing bad, I promise. I just thought that seeing as I've got you in the same place at the same time…" his voice trailed off as his eyes shifted between the two of them.

"Go on." Kate prompted, Alexis nodding her head vigorously in agreement.

Castle frowned. Now that he had them there, he wasn't sure where to start. He looked at Alexis. He knew he would have her blessing, but he also knew Kate would need to hear it, too. "I know we have finally gotten a routine set since your grandmother moved out, but, if it's okay with you, I'd like to change it."

Alexis tilted her head wonderingly, a small frown forming as she deciphered his words.

He didn't wait long for her to ponder, when he turned to Kate. "I know you said you wanted to take this slow, and that I agreed, but there's just one step I want to rush. I understand if it's too much, too quick, but I want to ask all the same."

She eyed him apprehensively, before nodded for him to continue.

He cleared his throat. "If it's okay with Alexis," he turned his head and looked at his daughter. "And if Kate agrees, I would like it if Kate," he looked back at the Detective and his voice softened with the small smile on his lips. "I was wondering if you would consider moving in. With us." He looked to Alexis quickly, before his eyes rested on Kate's.

He saw her eyes flick to the red-head sitting on the opposite end of the couch, and his head quickly turned to follow her gaze. He saw the small smile, the half shrug, and then finally the one nod of acceptance from his daughter. With a grin he turned back to Kate. Their eyes locked and a silent conversation passed over them. He could almost see her arguments against the move forming in her mind, but then a tender expression crossed her features, and a smile tried to fight its way onto her lips.

She shrugged. "Well, I do have a key and half of my stuff is here anyway. Are you sure you're okay with this, Alexis?"

The girl nodded.

Kate shifted so she was sitting cross-legged, her knee resting on top of Castle's thigh. "I have a couple of conditions. One: Alexis, honey, please, call me Kate. I understand if you call me Detective Beckett when you come into work, but outside, it's Kate."

Alexis grinned and nodded. "Sure thing, _Kate_."

Kate returned the smile and her gaze shifted to Castle.

"What's the second condition?" he asked, tilting his head questioningly.

She smiled and leaned forward so their faces were only inches apart. "I get the left side of the bed." She whispered, reaching out and covering Alexis' eyes with her hand as she closed the distance between them and kissed him softly.

When she pulled away, his baby-blues sparkled with delight. "So, it's a yes?" he asked, just to be 100% certain.

She rolled her eyes, nodded and chuckled lightly. "Yes, Castle, I will move in with you."

This time it was his hand that covered his daughter's eyes as he moved in and kissed her again.

_The Only Exception – Paramore_

_I would have had this posted AGES ago, if not for an innate need to have this song first, and an insane amount of rewrites for this chapter alone…_  
_Oh, and I know that, somewhere, something like this is floating around. I promise I'm not thieving anything. I just hear these songs and then thoughts start creeping around my mind and then BAM! Another 'shot on the way._


	2. The Kiss

_**SPOILER(S):**__ Episodes 17 and 18, of season 2: "Tick, Tick, Tick..." and "Boom"_

The Kiss

"_Then you kiss me and suddenly I don't care anymore…"_

She sat at the counter, flipping through the paper, and sipping her coffee. She was purposely avoiding _Page 6_. They had had their first official outing as a couple last night, to a Disadvantaged Kids Charity Ball. There had been photographers and paparazzi absolutely everywhere. She couldn't count how many they had posed for.

"Morning, Detec- uh, Kate."

She smiled and looked over at the young woman. While they were close, Alexis was still getting used to the shift in her father's relationship with the Detective he followed. "Morning, Alexis. How was your night?"

Alexis shrugged. "Quiet." She answered with a small grin. "How was your first official ball?"

Kate grinned. "It was… it was different. Walking the red carpet, with all those famous faces…" She looked into her mug. "I was _this close_ to Alec Baldwin. _Alec Baldwin."_

Alexis laughed lightly, remembering how surreal it used to be, walking the red carpet with her dad.

Kate smiled. "Now I'm doing everything I can to avoid any pictures. I think I've read this article about the Knicks four times."

"You don't want to see?"

"I'm afraid to see." She confided. "What if it's a really bad photo? What if I'm going cross-eyed or something?"

Alexis bit her lip. "Here." She reached over and took the paper from Kate's hands, and flipped until she found the page showing off the hits and misses from the night before.

Kate moved from the stool she was sitting on, and made her way to the coffee machine. She topped up her mug, and grabbed another one to fill for Alexis. Though the night before had been their first outing as a couple to such a highly publicised event, over the previous month, she had been spending almost every night at the loft.

Though, if she were perfectly honest with herself, she had never really moved out after her own apartment had blown up all those months ago.

"You're awfully quiet." She commented, placing the mug in front of Alexis. She looked up at Kate, thanked her for the coffee and took a sip. "Is it that bad?" Kate asked, sitting back next to the younger woman.

Alexis shook her head. "Oh, no. Its… you looked amazing, Kate."

Kate blushed. "Really?"

Alexis nodded. "Yeah, have a look at this one." She slid the paper over, tapping the middle of the page.

Kate looked, and her breath caught in her chest. "Wow." She murmured.

"Is there coffee on? Please tell me there's coffee on."

"There's coffee on, Dad. Relax."

Castle grinned and skipped down the last few stairs, and into the kitchen. "Good morning, Miss Alexis." He planted a kiss on her forehead. "Good morning, Miss Kate." He leant down to her level, puckering his lips for a kiss. Absentmindedly, she turned her head and kissed him softly. Not noticing the pictures in the paper, he wandered over to the coffee machine and poured himself a cup, stirring it slowly as he leant opposite Kate on the counter. "Whatcha looking at?"

Kate looked up at him, her eyes shining. Castle looked to Alexis for an explanation.

"Pictures of last night." She said, nodding at the counter.

"Oh, let me see!"

He walked behind Kate and rested a hand on her shoulder, peering over the other. "Nice, very nice. There's me and Alec. So funny." He said, shaking his head with a small smile.

"I didn't think anyone saw that." Muttered Kate, tapping the page.

Castle looked above her finger. "Oh, wow." Richard Castle was at a loss for words.

The picture she had tapped was one of the two of them, standing in the middle of the ball room completely wrapped up in each other. The fairy lights that adorned the walls were blurry behind them, creating a kind of halo around them. They had been slow dancing, enjoying being in each other's arms in a very public setting. Kate remembered Castle saying something about wishing they were in the loft, because he could kiss her without making her feel awkward. She had felt sorry for him, strangely, and had grabbed the lapels of his tux, pulling him close and planting one on him right then and there.

The photographer managed to snap at just the right moment, after she had shifted onto her toes and Castle had cupped her face.

Before that night and that photo, she would have thought that they were still skirting the issue. Yes, they were seeing each other, but both were hesitant to put a label on what they had. Her, in fear of admitting that he might just turn out to be her one-and-done; and he out of respect for her, and her need to think things through.

But he had proved to her; and her to herself, that they really could go the distance. She knew there were people out there in the city of New York who would think it unprofessional for the Detective to be dating her charge. But they didn't know what it was like. They weren't the detective and the writer, not among their friends at the precinct. They were partners on the job. Castle had become an honorary member of the force, and she couldn't imagine even attempting to solve cases without him.

That kiss proved to her, and hopefully the rest of the city, that maybe, just maybe, Richard Castle and Kate Beckett could do it all.

"Are there any more?"

Alexis nodded, and pointed to one closer to the edge.

"I think we're making me sick." Commented Castle, bending to look at the photo closer.

Beckett rolled her eyes.

"Can you get copies of those?" asked Alexis, tapping the edge of the paper and looking between the two pictures.

Castle shrugged. "If you want them, I'm sure I can sort it out."

Kate looked up slowly, and turned her head to look at him. "You can get these? How?"

"I know a guy."

"You know a guy?"

Castle frowned. "I know lots of guys, Kate, we've been over this. I'm sure I could go to the paper and ask around in there and get copies. Why, do you want some too?"

Kate skittered her eyes away, then looked back at him. "Maybe I do."

Castle nodded. "Done."

He looked back at the photo of them on the red carpet. They had their arms around each other and had only just posed for another photo, when he dipped his head to whisper in her ear. She turned her head to look at him, and had to tilt it back slightly to meet his eyes. The cheeky grin he wore offset with her disbelieving one and it summed up their whole relationship.

Who said they wouldn't last?

_The Kiss – Karmina_


	3. 6 Months

6 Months

"_When I feel like I can't go on, you tell me to go…"_

Beckett sat at her desk, staring blankly at her computer screen. She was trying to write up a progress report on their latest case, but it wasn't going too well. She was stuck, trying to figure out how to explain in her own mind, how their seemingly perfect suspect had ended up dead.

She rolled her head, trying to get the kinks out of her neck. It wasn't working. Maybe she should head home and have a nice, hot bubble bath and get back to it in the morning?

Squeezing her eyes shut tight, she rubbed her temples. When she opened her eyes again, she found she wasn't sitting alone.

"Castle! What are you doing here? I thought you left hours ago?"

He shrugged. "I did. And then I tried to call you at home, see if you wanted to get some dinner. But you didn't answer. I was going to call here, but I thought that you might be in transit. So I tried your cell, and it rang through to voicemail. I was halfway through dialling _this_ number, when I remembered that sometimes you take the phone off the hook when you're doing paperwork, so I figured I'd just come down. And here you are."

She nodded, bewildered. She looked back at the computer and clicked her mouse to save her work. Looking at the phone just near his elbow, she reached out and put it back on the base.

Smirking slightly he asked, "What were you doing?"

She shrugged. "Just getting my report rolling. Making sure I don't miss anything."

Castle scoffed. "You, miss something? Surely you jest."

She shook her head. "When I first joined homicide, my partner told me to start my report as soon as I had a free moment. It made it easier when it came to filling one out later. I still do it. I didn't want to go home, and after an hour I couldn't look at the board anymore, so I thought I'd get started."

Castle nodded. "Well, don't stop because of me."

Beckett rolled her eyes. "You know I think it's creepy when you watch me do paperwork."

"Well, I'll go get some coffees and you keep doing that. Then, when I come back, we can talk about dinner." he grinned and stood, wandering into the break room lazily.

She looked back at her computer screen and shook her head. He was good to her, better than she deserved. She supposed there had to be some benefit to him following her around and constantly annoying her. And, while his chatter grated her nerves, she always seemed to have someone to bounce ideas off.

He also made a mean coffee.

She rubbed her eyes again, and then rested her hands on the keyboard. She took a deep breath and just let the words flow out of her. Typing anything and everything that came to mind about the case, she could sort it all out when it was over. Cocking her head to the side she reread what she had hastily typed. It didn't make much sense, but she knew what it all meant. Case points leading into case points that would hopefully help her break the case.

"Done?" he asked, placing her cup in front of her.

She shrugged. "Not really, but I think there's enough there for now. Some of the details are too jumbled in my head to put down."

"Wanna talk it through? We're pretty good at that."

She shook her head. "I can't even think straight anymore."

He nodded and stretched his legs out. They were silent for a few minutes, sipping their coffees and enjoying the quiet of the bullpen. "So, anywhere in particular for dinner?"

She bit her lower lip softly. "Castle, I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why? I'm hungry and you have to eat something other than take out, Detective. It'll be good for you."

"Not the eating thing, I eat. It's the getting dinner with you, thing. I don't think that's a good idea."

"I repeat: why?"

She sighed and looked away from him, down at her hands. "Because, the other night, while great, I'll admit that, shouldn't happen again." She paused and looked at his face. "I'm sorry; I just don't think it would be very professional. I mean, one dinner is fine, two, maybe, at a stretch, but a month of dining together, especially after the other night, doesn't sit right."

"What are you worried about? That I'm going to cheat on you? That I'm going to lose interest?"

She shrugged and kept her eyes lowered.

He leant forward and placed his hand on her arm. "I know I have a reputation, Kate, but there's something about you. You're so different from all those girls. There is no way, in a million years, that I could or would do anything to hurt you. Not deliberately, because I can be a bit of a fu-"

"Fanatical child?" she asked, finally meeting his eyes.

"Sure. What I was going to say was a little harsher, but I'll go with yours."

She smiled softly. "I know you wouldn't hurt me, Castle. I believe that. I'm just… if we keep doing this, then they're all going to know. And while you don't seem to care about your private life, I'm a female police officer who has a writer trailing her around. People have read that book and made their own assumptions."

"So let them assume. You know the saying." he watched her eyes, knowing that they alone would give him any insight that she chose to hide with her well formed poker face.

"No public displays? Done. Arrive to the precinct separately? Done. Leave separately? Done. I'll continue to call you 'Detective' or 'Beckett' when we're in the company of others, but the minute I get you alone I'm going to call you Kate." He tilted his head, knowing now that she was breaking down. Her defences were falling, and he could tell that she was just about to give in. He smirked slightly. "Hey, maybe I'll call you Katie? Oh, CastleLovah1269! How does sugar-pie roll with you?"

Her head snapped up and she glared at him. "Katie I can stomach. The other two come out of your mouth again, and I'll suddenly remember what Meredith calls you…" she bit her lip, looked up at him through her eyelashes, before dropping her voice to a husky whisper. "Kitten."

He smiled. "There's the Kate Beckett we all know and love. So, what do you say about dinner?"

She sighed. There was no getting out of this, not now. She may as well suck it up and just enjoy their time together. Who knew how long it would last? "You can cook, at my place. There's a deli around the corner that's still open for another couple of hours. Get whatever you want from there."

He grinned and she rolled her eyes.

_6 Months – Hey Monday_

_You know the drill, peeps. =D_


	4. Josey

_**A/N:**__ Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to both read and review, you guys are, seriously, amazing!_  
_Hmm, also, I dropped the rating, in case you didn't notice. I decided that, as I haven't actually written anything that needs such a high rating (yet), that I'd drop it for now. If, and when, the higher rating is needed, I'll put it back up. _

_Thanks again for reading and reviewing‼ Much love‼_

_Cheers, and enjoy ‼ =D_

Josey

"_The drinks are flowing, just like a river"_

Oh no. She was in trouble. Deep, deep trouble. She didn't even know how she'd managed to get herself there, she was usually so very, very careful. But, there she was. In trouble.

She closed her eyes tightly, and tried to will away the feelings bubbling up inside her. But she had either left it too late, or they were making themselves known once and for all.

He had invited the whole Homicide division to the loft for a party. And not just any party. A get-stupid-drunk-and-ring-in-the-New-Year party. Not that she was stupid drunk. Or even on her way to being stupid drunk. She had only had two vodka-raspberries (mostly raspberry); wanting to be able to get herself home after the ball had dropped.

Besides, she was a woman who could have fun without a ship-load of liquor.

Her eyes roved the room, and found the boys sitting at the poker table with Lanie, Martha and Captain Montgomery. She smiled softly as Lanie shifted slightly, moving her chair impossibly closer to Esposito's.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

She jumped slightly and turned to look over her shoulder. Castle leant on the other side of the counter, an un-capped beer in each hand. He offered one across to her, which she took with a slight nod of thanks, and bobbed her head in the direction of the poker table. "Lanie and Espo, sitting in a tree…" she sung softly, her eyes dancing.

Castle's eyes followed her's and he let out a short laugh. "Ha. Ryan owes me a twenty."

Kate shook her head. "Not until they kiss. And I think you'll both owe me."

Castle cocked an eyebrow. "You don't think they'll make it to midnight?"

She shook her head. "Nope. I've seen Lanie work a man. She'll have made her move long before then."

Castle's other eyebrow lifted, and she shook her head, not willing to give away any of her best friend's secrets. This was easy, sharing small talk about things that didn't relate to them, or their own clouded feelings for each other. If she could just make it through the night without being ambushed, she would be home free. Maybe she'd even get away with her sanity still firmly intact.

"You know, they won't be the only one's sharing a midnight kiss." He muttered, taking a mouthful of beer and eyeing her.

"Of course not. There's your mother and Chet. Ryan and Jenny. Captain Montgomery and his wife. Want me to continue?"

Castle smirked and shook his head. "Valid points, Detective. But I think you're missing someone."

She pretended to ponder for a moment, before her mouth twisted into a smirk of its own, and her eyes danced. "Oh, Alexis and James."

Castle narrowed his eyes and shot a look to where his daughter was standing with a group of her school friends. There were an equal number of boys and girls, but he found himself almost shaking with how close she was standing to the young man. "Bite your tongue, Detective."

She shrugged and turned away from him. She knew what he had been alluding to, but she was in no way ready to deal with what it would mean to the team dynamic. Not to mention, since the whole Will Sorenson fiasco, she was a little gun shy when it came to mixing business with pleasure.

Though, if his innuendo was anything to go by, it would be some kind of pleasure.

"I was serious, Kate." He muttered, taking another sip of his beer. At her questioning look, he added. "About the penny. Though, maybe I should make it an even dollar, accounting for inflation and what not."

She shook her head and smiled. "I wasn't thinking about anything in particular, Castle."

They stood in silence, watching the party raging around them. This was what she liked most about him, their complete and utter ease together. She loved the banter and the way they finished each other's sentences at work. How they always managed to nut out problems with the board. It excited her, how in tune they were in that respect. But she had found recently, that she liked how they didn't need to be talking a mile a minute; that they could be calm and still.

And it scared the absolute hell out of her.

If she were completely honest with herself (which she had to admit, when it came to him, she found it difficult), it was their ease in silence that worried her most. It was an ease that should come from decades together, not simply two and a half years. And, technically, they weren't even together. They were friends; partners on the job.

They were not soul mates. Or, after a Lanie _Friends_ marathon, each other's lobster.

They were Castle and Beckett; crime fighting duo extraordinaire. She should not be feeling like this. Not about him. Not in a million years. And yet, lately, she had found herself drifting off to sleep, thinking about him, and what they would be like. When the unresolved tension that followed them around day in and day out, no longer reared its shiny head at the most inopportune of times.

When, on the odd occasion, they happened to be leaving the precinct at the same time, and the awkwardness of goodbye no longer lingered.

When her phone rang and she realised it was _Alexis_ calling to talk to her about something that happened at school, and she felt a little guilty, for finding it easier to be a mother figure without having an _actual_ the relationship with the girl's father.

She knew they had Alexis' blessing; that much was almost painfully obvious. She could recall several hours' worth of memories from the past six months alone that stated the fact.

She knew, in her heart, that it wasn't a fear of their relationship being rejected by his daughter (or his mother, for that matter) that he her worried and running scared. It was a fear of rejection from the man himself that made her shy away.

What if, six months down the line when she really _was_ head-over-heels in love with him, he decided that she wasn't what he wanted after all? That all the chemistry and innuendo had hidden something about herself that even she didn't realise she possessed. What if, in ten years time, they decided they really didn't like each other enough to keep going? He had gotten her through the hardest time of her life, with the words he wrote. Those same words would never be able to help her like that again. Not after getting to know the man first hand.

"Hellooo! Earth to Kate! Come in Kate!" his hand waved across the front of her face, and she was snapped out of her internal reverie, like the snapping of his fingers, inches from her eyes. "Where'd you go?" he asked softly, moving around the counter so they were both leaning backward against it.

She shrugged and smiled softly. "I was thinking about that other couple you're so sure I forgot."

He raised an eyebrow. "Hmm?"

"I cannot for the life of me figure out who it is."

He nodded slowly and glanced at the clock. It was only just after 11.30. While everyone was jockeying for position along the big window wall, they were still at the back, eyes only for each other, without even realising how intimate they looked.

His eyes swept the room and noticed that everyone had their back to them. Well, everyone except for Esposito, but he was clearly otherwise engaged. Which meant Lanie wasn't watching them like a hawk for a change, either. Damn, now he owed Beckett a twenty. "Come with me." He whispered, tilting his head so his warm breath brushed along her face. He saw her shiver and knew, instinctively or otherwise, that this was his chance. His moment to prove to her that they would be fantastic together. He held out a hand and patiently waited for her to cave and take hold.

She eyed him warily, before frowning slightly. Her eyes drifted from his, to his other guests, and back, and she felt her resolve (and the many, many walls that accompanied it) crumble. "Fine. But no funny business, Castle, or I swear-"

"You'll shoot me. I know. Just… trust me for fifteen minutes. Please?"

With the utterance of that final word, what little resolve was stubbornly clinging, melted like ice-cream in the summer, and she took his hand, allowing him to lead her away from the party goers and up the stairs.

He led her along the hall, the only sound coming from her heels and his shoes on the hardwood floor. He pushed a door open with his foot and tugged gently so she stepped in before him. It took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the barely there light from outside, but when they did, she turned and her hands flew to her hips.

"Just a touch presumptuous, don't you think, Castle?"

He shook his head and rested his hands on her shoulders, turning her and nudging her in the direction of yet another floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall window. He knew he had taken a risk, showing her to his room, but he also knew that this was the best view of the city the loft had to offer. He followed her, and came to stand behind her, taking in the glory that was New York City on a cold, overcast, winter's night. He had dreamed, many a time, of showing her this, and was elated at finally being about to share.

"Wow." She breathed, soaking up the sight. She stepped forward and pressed her hands against the glass, expecting it to feel cold and being pleasantly surprised at its even warmth.

"Double thickness. Cool in summer, warm in winter."

She nodded absently and let her eyes sweep across the view in front of her. The city was encased in a soft glow from the many, many lights and the low cloud. If her sense of direction was correct (she had grown up in this city, of course it was), then Times Square and the giant New Year ball would be eight – no, nine – blocks to their left. She flicked a gaze to her father's watch and realised, with a nearly imperceptible start, that in just a few short minutes, the ball would be making its way south and the New Year would be upon them.

Her gaze shifted from the window, to the man standing silently beside her. Even in profile, she could see the child-like wonderment and the almost giddy anticipation warring across his features. She realised, with a flutter somewhere in the region of her heart, that it was the first time that the thought of them didn't scare the absolute life out of her. She had been fighting with herself all evening, listening to her head and her heart debate and argue, but they seemed to have finally come to an agreement.

"You're staring, Kate. It's kinda creepy."

She let out a huff of breath and rolled her eyes. "Now you know how it feels."

He turned to face her slowly, a soft smile on his face. "I can't help it though. The way your brow furrows…" he reached out and gently touched her brow, letting his fingertips linger for a moment, before his hand dropped slowly, eventually cupping her face. His smile widened slightly as her eyes slipped shut at the contact, and had to remind himself of the baby steps he had sworn he would take if he ever got here.

Her head tilted toward his palm, and she murmured his name, her teeth pulling at her bottom lip. He stepped closer, his left hand coming to rest on her hip, his breath brushing across her face. Her hands came to rest on his arms so softly if he hadn't witnessed the movement with his own eyes, he would never have believed it happened.

The anticipation bubbled in his chest, as he heard the shouts of those below, counting down til the clock ticked over and the New Year was upon them.

**10.**

Her eyes snapped open and she stood a little straighter.

**9.**

His hand fell from her face, to her shoulder.

**8.**

She shifted slightly, so their faces were in line.

**7.**

His heart thundered in his chest, and he would swear she could hear it.

**6.**

The blood rushed through her ears, blocking out all sound.

**5.**

The hand at her waist grew a mind of its own and snaked its way across her lower back.

**4.**

Her breath hitched as their eyes met and the whole world seemed to stop moving.

**3.**

His hand tangled its self in her shiny brown hair, holding her head in place, though somewhere in his subconscious he knew she wouldn't move.

**2.**

She licked her lips in anticipation.

**1.**

His eyes dropped from hers to her lips as they faintly heard the calls of "Happy New Year!" from the party below. But none of that really mattered, as his lips crashed to hers in a bruising kiss. For almost a second, he worried that she was going to push him away, but when her lips started to move against his, he knew she was right there with him. Her hands snaked their way from his biceps to his shoulders and eventually the nape of his neck, where her feather-light touches sent shivers up and down his spine.

They broke away only for oxygen and slowly their eyes opened and their breaths started to return to normal. Worry danced in his eyes, as he looked down at her and she had to bite her lip to stop herself from torturing him.

"That was," she started, tossing her head to move her bangs out of her eyes. "Possibly the best New Years kiss I've ever received."

His smile grew rapidly as he moved to kiss her again.

"If you tell anyone I said that, I'll shoot you." She muttered against his lips, before kissing him again.

_Josey – Hey Monday_

_**A/N II:**__ I realise this isn't entirely original. I mean, a New Years kiss fic is practically screaming to be written. But, I have been toying with this idea for months (no word of a lie. This has been written and re-written so many times since March that I think I'm seeing triple). I'm sorry if I've stepped on any toes, I didn't mean it. The words of this song, and a few hours reminiscing with my best friend, spurned this._

_Quickly, I said at the start that I dropped the raiting? Well, if you think it should've stayed, let me know and I'll put it back up strait away... Well, as soon as I can._

_Anyway, you guys know the drill._

_Cheers‼_


	5. Hanging By A Moment

_**NOTE:** This is the same chapter, I just fixed a little word error that was kindly pointed out. I feel better about it now. Sorry for any confusion!_

_**A/N:**__If it isn't obvious already, you guys should know that I don't have a beta. I try to weed out as many errors as possible, but I know there's probably still some there. If you notice any that are really, ridiculously, obvious, let me know and I'll fix them and repost. Aside from that, enjoy‼ =D_

Hanging by a Moment

"_I'm falling even more in love with you"_

The bedroom was dark, the curtains blocking out the weak winter rays that tried to warm New York City. The thick clouds that had been floating over the city for nearly a straight month appeared to be thinning, but hardened New Yorkers knew it was a false promise. It was only the start of December. There was still a ways to go before the summer heat would be upon them again.

Richard Castle rolled over and stretched his arm out, searching for his wife. It was still only early, their alarm hadn't even blasted yet, but he wanted to snuggle. Maybe, if he were lucky, he would get lucky. He cracked an eye when he couldn't find her warm body. Frowning, he wondered where she was. She rarely, if ever, got up before him. Usually they got up and showered together, enjoying their few moments of aloneness before they headed into the precinct.

He sat up and scratched his head, before running both his hands over his face, trying to wake himself up a little. Blinking, he focused his eyes on the open cupboard floor; he could see her running shoes resting in the same place as where she'd left them when she got back the night before.

Looking around the dimly lit room, he saw her robe hanging behind the door, but his was missing. He smiled softly. She hardly ever used her own robe, preferring to 'borrow' his bigger one. He didn't mind, she looked so cute in it, all rugged up. Sometimes, when she had trouble sleeping, she would steal his robe and hide out in his office reading his books. Not the ones he simply owned, but the ones he had written.

As he shifted to lie back down, he noticed the strip of light coming from under the bathroom door. He cocked his head, straining to hear if the shower was running. Then he heard a retch and a cough and he sighed. The poor thing was sick.

Pulling his boxes and t-shirt up off the floor he dragged them on, and padded over to the door. He tapped softly, listening for her answer. When he didn't hear one, he tapped again and opened the door a crack. "You okay?" he asked in a whisper.

He heard her mumbled reply, but it was too quiet for him to understand.

"I'm coming in." He replied, pushing the door open further.

She looked up at him, hair falling around her face after she had clearly hastened to tie it up. "Hi." She mumbled her back resting against the side of the bath. "Go back to bed, I'm okay."

He shook his head and sat on the edge of the tub next to her head. Reaching out softly, he moved her bangs away from her face and cupped her cheek. He smiled as her obviously tired eyes slipped closed at his gentle touch. "How long have you been in here?"

She shrugged. "Not long. I woke up feeling a little queasy. I was going out to grab a glass of water, but only made it as far as the hall, before… well, you don't need the details."

"Oh, but I'm all about the details." She shot him a look. "Though, I think in this case, I'm fine without them." She nodded and rested her head against his leg, while he continued to run his fingers through her hair.

They were silent for nearly a full ten minutes, when she felt the bile rising in her throat again. She gave him a warning look, before clambering to her knees and leaning over the toilet. He grimaced at the sound, but didn't leave. His hand rubbed slow circles across her back and he murmured nonsense words.

She pulled some paper off the roll and wiped her mouth, tossed the crumpled sheets into the bowl and hit the flush. She shifted back to lean against his legs, when he moved. "Hang on." he whispered, opening the cupboard door under the sink and finding a hand towel. He ran it under some cool water for a second, and then handed it to her. "Put that on your forehead, I'll be back in a sec." She nodded and did as she was told.

A few minutes later he returned with a glass and a cold bottle of water. He tipped some water into the glass and handed it to her. "Just sip." He said, sitting back on the edge of the tub. She nodded her thanks and took a small sip out of the glass. The cold water was refreshing in her dry mouth. "Better?"

"A little thanks." She turned her head and smiled up at him.

"Good. Do you know what brought it on?"

She shook her head. "No. I was thinking about it before. I thought maybe food poisoning, but you cooked and we ate the exact same thing, so if I'm here then you should be too." He nodded. "So now I'm thinking it's one of those 24 hour bugs." She paused for a moment. "Well, I'm hoping it's only a 24 hour bug."

He chuckled lightly. "You would do anything for tomorrow off." he muttered.

She smiled and laughed lightly. "You're a boy, you don't understand. We go in there, and they're going to be so disgustingly sweet you'll wish you never told them when we first got together."

He shrugged. "What can I say? They love us."

She laughed again and closed her eyes. "I think I'm okay, now." she muttered.

"Okay, well, let's get you off to bed, huh?" he stood and bent to take her hands. Gently he helped her to her feet. He grabbed the wastebasket from behind the door and the water bottle off the bench. "Just in case." He said, shaking the basket quickly.

She nodded and smiled softly in thanks. "I'll be there in a minute. I just wanna brush my teeth. My mouth feels so foul."

He gave her a look that clearly said he was grossed-out and nodded, heading back into the bedroom. He put the basket next to her side of the bed and the water bottle on the night stand. Pulling the covers back, he crawled in and got comfortable. He watched the door as she came back in, his robe still wrapped tightly around her. He eyed her hungrily as she stripped it off and threw it on the end of the bed.

"Don't even think about it, Castle." She warned as she climbed in beside him, setting the glass next to the bottle.

He shifted so her head rested on his arm, and held her tight with the other. "It's all I think about when I'm with you. I can't help it. I know I don't have a chance right now, but can't a husband think about his wife like that?"

She snuggled against him, linking her fingers through his. "He can. But do you have to make it so obvious when you know perfectly well that I'm not feeling up to it. Besides, wasn't last night enough?"

"Oh, no, not at all. I can never get enough of you." He nuzzled the back of her head and kissed her hair.

She sighed. "Such a charmer."

He shrugged awkwardly. "You only just noticed?"

XXX

The alarm rang loudly next to her head and she groaned. She hadn't been sick in a while, but that feeling was still in the back of her throat and deep in her stomach. She reached out and hit the snooze button, pulling his arm tighter across her body and snuggling back into his warmth.

Nine minutes later when the alarm sounded again she felt him shift behind her. "Urgh, I hate that noise."

She nodded and was about to reply, when a rush of nausea crashed over her. Shooting him a look, she hung her head over the edge of the bed and emptied what little was in her stomach into the basket.

He grimaced as he took her hair in his hands, and rubbed her back again.

"I was going to ask if you were feeling any better, but I guess it's a no."

She nodded and flopped back onto the pillows. "Urgh, I hate this." She mumbled.

He brushed the hair out of her face and looked at the clock. It was 7 am; they didn't have to be at the precinct until nine, unless they got a call out. "Want me to leave a message with Montgomery? Tell him you've got food poisoning because my mother cooked last night?"

She kept her eyes closed and nodded. "Will you stay with me?"

"I'm your shadow, of course I will."

Castle rang the number for Captain Montgomery's direct office line. He knew the boss man wouldn't be in yet, but he left a message on his machine, saying that Beckett had come down with a 24 hour bug and that they'd see him the next day. He hung up the phone and rolled back over, pulling her to him. "What are we going to do with our snow day?"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Sleep. I feel like crap, Castle."

He nodded. "Okay. I'm gonna go out and get breakfast for Alexis. I'll come in and check on you in a little while. Do you want anything now?"

She shook her head. "Just a kiss."

He leant forward and kissed her forehead softly. "Try and get some sleep. I'll be back in a bit." He snagged his robe off the end of the bed and pulled it around his shoulders. He watched as Kate rolled over, grabbed his pillow and hugged it to her. She closed her eyes and a few minutes later, was back in the land of nod.

XXX

Castle busied himself in the kitchen, making his daughter breakfast. Before Kate had moved in and they had gotten married, he had a morning routine and found it easy to slip back into it. He was buttering the toast when Alexis wandered in, eyes still half closed.

"Morning, Pumpkin." He said, placing a plate and mug in front of her usual stool.

"M-morning, dad." She replied with a yawn. She slumped onto her stool and dragged the plate closer, resting her head on her hand. After a few bites of toast and some coffee, she woke up properly and looked around. "Where's Kate?"

Castle nodded his head in the direction of their room. "In bed. She's not feeling well, so she's having the day off."

Alexis nodded slowly. "What's wrong? Hey. Isn't today the anniversary of the first night you guys, uh, you know?"

Castle smiled softly. "It is. But that's not why she's sick. I think it's just a 24 hour bug. But, to be sure she gets enough rest, we're gonna hang out here today. Hey, wanna skip school and watch movies with us all day?"

Alexis smiled. "Cant, sorry dad. I have an English essay due today and a History exam. But I finish at 1, so I'll be straight home. Maybe Kate will be feeling better and I won't be a bother."

Castle scoffed. "Please. If anyone of us were a bother to her today, I think it'd be herself. Remember when she had the flu last year?" Alexis nodded. "Though, I usually do a fairly good job of annoying her."

"Ha." Muttered Alexis, taking another sip of coffee and stuffing the last bit of toast in her mouth. "I'm going to get ready for school. Don't be annoying this early."

He poked his tongue out at his daughter's back and went about cleaning up. Twenty minutes later the kitchen was back in order and he sat sipping his second coffee and reading the paper. Nothing overly interesting jumped out at him as he flipped through the pages.

"Okay, I'm going." Announced Alexis as she stepped off the bottom step.

Castle turned his head to her and nodded. "Alright. I'll text you later and let you know if we need anything, but we should be all good here. See you this afternoon." He kissed his daughter on the cheek and walked her to the door. Shutting it quietly behind her, he turned and wandered down the short hall to his bedroom.

Tapping on the door softly, he opened it and walked over to the bed. Kate was on her side, still hugging his pillow tightly. He sat down and placed a hand on her hip. "Hey, you awake?"

She mumbled and nodded. "Yeah. Every time I drift off I start feeling sick again."

He nodded sympathetically. "Can I get you anything? More water, some juice? Oh, how about some dry toast?"

She shook her head. "No thank you. But if you happen to have a cure, I'll take that."

He shook his head. "Sorry, honey. I don't have one of those." He sat silently beside her for a few minutes. "Hey, you don't think… is there any possibility that you're, you know, pregnant?"

Her eyes snapped open and she frowned. "I don't know. I don't think so. We're always protected."

He nodded his head, agreeing with her, and then he remembered. "Date night." He said clicking his fingers.

"What?"

"Date night. Remember, Alexis went to Penny, no Phoebe's, for the night and we went out for dinner. We had that wine at – oh, I can't remember the name of the restaurant. It started with a 'T'. Theo's? No, that was the place we went to for your birthday. Oh, it was a little Italian place off 5th. Why can't I remember the name?"

Beckett frowned. "Tony's Bistro." She muttered shifting her eyes from his face to the curtained windows. She remembered the night. Alexis had gotten home from school, saying something about a party and staying at her friend's house after. They had planned to all go to a movie together, but figured that they could go on their own and throw in a romantic dinner. The movie had been less than they imagined and they had spent their dinner mocking it and hadn't realised just how much they had been drinking until it was too late. Shrugging it off, they brought a bottle of wine and intended to drink it when they got home.

But, as usual, one thing led to another and they had ended up in their bed, the wine forgotten on the coffee table in the lounge. She remembered thinking at the time that it would be so like them to fall pregnant when they weren't trying. Just like they had fallen in love when they weren't looking for it.

That night had been almost two months ago.

She looked back up at him, worry in her eyes. "Castle, what if I am? What are we going to do? We haven't even talked about the possibility of kids. Oh, and what about Alexis? She's going to think we're trying to replace her." Beckett bit down on her bottom lip.

Castle shook his head and took her hand. "It'll be okay, I promise. I've done this before, remember?" he took a calming breath. "The first thing we need to do is to make sure, either way. Do you feel up to a little excursion?"

XXX

Forty-five minutes later they sat on the edge of the tub in their bathroom. Castle's arm slung low around Kate's waist as her head rested on his shoulder. She had to force herself to keep her eyes off the egg timer on the counter. She knew that the three minutes would only go slower if she watched it. Castle's fingers drew soft patterns on her hip as he stared at the roof, counting down the minutes in his head.

Finally the buzzer sounded and Kate froze, her eyes fixed on the little white stick sitting next to the timer. She eyed it curiously from where she sat, unable to move for fear of what it would, or wouldn't, show. "Want me to go?" he asked softly into her hair.

Squaring her shoulders, she shook her head. "No. I have to do this." She muttered and pushed herself up. With tentative steps, she crossed the bathroom and looked down at the stick. "Where's the box?" she asked, looking over her shoulder.

Castle grabbed the box from the closed lid of the toilet and tossed it to her, waiting to be invited to see what the little screen showed.

She looked from the box to the stick and back again, and then looked up at him, her eyes filling with tears.

"What is it?" he asked, standing and shoving his hands into his pockets.

She bit her lip to stop it from shaking, and waved him over with her hand. She held the stick in one hand, and the box in the other. Her thumb resting just below the corresponding line.

"Really?" he asked, looking into her eyes.

She shrugged then nodded. "That's what it says."

He dipped his head. "And?"

She smiled slowly. "Relief. And worry. And excitement. And worry. Oh, and happiness." Her smile had grown as she spoke. "What about you, Daddy?"

Castle grinned and kissed her hard on the mouth. "I can't wait, Mommy."

_Hanging By A Moment – Lifehouse_

_**A/N:**__ You guys should feel so privileged. I fixed/finished this chapter instead of writing my report. Strange, how I get a hell of a lot more enjoyment out of writing for people I've never physically met, as apposed to people I'm forever trying to impress. Anyway, you guys know the drill. Cheers =D ‼_


	6. Hold My Hand

_**A/N:**__ I did forget, when I re-posted the last chapter to thank __**Tango Mike Charlie**__ for pointing out my mistake. This is my thanks now; sorry it took so long to get it here‼_

Hold My Hand

"_The way your hair swings over your eyes; the way your words keep me in line"_

They were the only two left in the bullpen. It wasn't all that unusual for them to be there that late. Sometimes Castle left early with the others, going home to spend some quality time with Alexis. But today was Friday, and the girl was going to the movies with a group of friends. So, rather than go home alone and wait for Beckett, he sat in the chair at the end of her desk, reading a magazine, occasionally looking up at her, watching her concentrate for a moment, before looking back at the pages.

One of these times he looked up to find her re-reading her work. He watched as her eyes zipped from side to side, across the screen. He thought it was cute, the way she mouthed the words and the little line that formed in the middle of her brow.

She would hate to know that, but then again, he thought pretty much all of her was cute.

"You know I hate it when you do that." She muttered, her eyes not leaving the screen.

"You hate it when I do what? I'm not doing anything. I'm-" she turned her head and shot him a look. "Sorry? What was I doing?"

She rolled her eyes and turned back to her computer. "Watching me read. It's creepy."

"But you get the little line." He touched her forehead gently. "I love the little line."

She rolled her eyes and played with her bangs, making sure they covered her brow so he couldn't see any little line that may or may not appear. He snickered and stood, stretching his arms above his head. "I'm going to get a coffee. You want one?"

She looked up with a soft smile and nodded. "Yes, please."

"Back in a sec."

"Take your time."

Ten minutes later he returned, placing her mug next to her and sinking into his usual seat. He'd scrawled his name on the seat in permanent texta when she wasn't paying attention. It was only small, and when he sat, his leg covered it, but he knew it was there, and he was pretty sure she did, too. He took a sip and closed his eyes, savouring the taste. He watched as she groped around, looking for the handle, before her fingers connected. Without taking her eyes of the screen, she put the mug to her lips and took a cautious sip.

While Castle made excellent coffee, she nearly always managed to burn her tongue on the hot liquid. She figured it had something to do with her eagerness to taste the miracle drink.

She put the mug back down and continued to work, doing everything in her power to ignore the fact that he was still watching her. If she were completely truthful, it kind of excited her that he could still be so fascinated by her that he couldn't help but watch. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was actually almost flattered. But she would never tell him that. That would be like an open invitation. At least he tried to hide it by 'reading' a magazine.

"That's it, I've had enough." She muttered clicking the save button. She shut down the computer and turned to him. "Now you can tell me why you insist on watching me do paperwork."

Castle shrugged. "I'm not really watching you, more like looking in your direction and thinking."

She cocked and eyebrow. "Really? You're thinking? Since when do you _think_?"

He pulled a face, his hands flying to his chest, right above his heart. "Oh, Detective Beckett, how you wound me!"

She shot him a look, which quite clearly meant for him to be serious.

Nodding slightly, he replied. "All the time. I think about what's going to happen next for Nikki. I think about what I'm going to cook for dinner. I think about how quiet the loft is going to be when Alexis goes to college. I think about my mother, and how she's doing. I think about you, and our future. Just now, I was thinking that if I get this right, I could be heading toward my third marriage."

Kate froze. "You- what?"

He shrugged and then nodded. "Yeah. I told you once that the reason my marriages didn't work was more or less because I hadn't found the right girl. Well, now I think I have."

"You have?"

"Yep. And let me tell you, she's _extraordinary_. She's one of those women who are so tough on the outside, but the minute you get to know her, you wonder why you couldn't see the tenderness before. She doesn't take any crap off any one, least of all me. She lets me follow her around all day, and still wants to cuddle with me at night. She loves my daughter like her own, and puts up with my crazy mother. Want me to keep going?"

Beckett shook her head, words escaping her.

Castle shifted and pulled a tiny box out of his pocket. "There's one more thing I have to tell you about her, okay?" she nodded. "She's the first woman who has challenged me, really challenged me, to be a better person. And, because of her, I have grown. I know I can still be that immature, childish man-child I've always been, but she made me see that it was okay to step outside of Never, Never Land and be an adult. That it wasn't all that bad, it's actually kind of nice."

He swallowed and moved off the chair, kneeling in front of her. He gripped the arm of her seat and tugged, so it turned and she was facing him directly.

"Okay, so maybe there's just one more thing. Katharine Beckett, I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. I know we're not the kind of couple that needs to say that a thousand times a day for it to be real, but if you say yes, I promise to tell you it every opportunity I get. Katie, you're the most amazing woman I've ever met. To do what you do, to see what you've seen, and still be able to love like you do." He paused and took a deep breath. "Kate Beckett, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

Kate looked around the dim bullpen. In all her wildest dreams she never thought she would be proposed to here. But, as she let it all sink in, she realised this was where it had all happened for them. That nothing about their relationship was conventional, so why should their engagement? Looking into his bright blue eyes, she smiled. And then she nodded. "Yes." She whispered, sliding off her chair and kneeling in front of him. She nodded again. "Yes, Rick, I'll marry you."

She bit her lip as he slid the ring on her finger, watching the light bounce off it as her hand shook. He tugged her hand and pulled her into a kiss, soft and sweet.

When they broke for air, she tossed her head moving her bangs out of her eyes. "But don't think this gives you permission to just sit and watch me do paperwork. It's always going to be creepy."

He laughed.

_Hold My Hand – New Found Glory_

_**A/N:**__ Thanks for reading‼ You guys are seriously awe-some‼_

_Oh, and totally saving my monies, so that when NFG come to Aus in March, I **WILL** be there!_


	7. She's Got A Boyfriend Now

_**.A/N:**__ So, this is a little different, but I wanted to try something out. Let me know what you think. _

_**SPOILER(S):**__ General series… though, maybe I stole a little scene from _A Deadly Game_ and changed it to my own taste. You'll know it when you see it._

She's got a Boyfriend Now

"_She's got a boyfriend now…"_

It had been a good two years since he'd had the pleasure of working with New York's finest. Actually, come to think of it, it was probably closer to three years. But who was counting? He knew the 12th had been through a fair ride over that time. It didn't matter which city he was in, he always looked up the crime beat of the _Times_ on the net. He told himself he was just keeping up to date with the goings-on in his home town. But, if he were quite honest with himself, he knew he was really checking up on her.

He knew, for instance, that a crazed fan of her stupid shadow had tried to kill her. And, if he had not been undercover at the time, he would have been by her side in an instant. Though, through his work, he had heard of Agent Shaw's reputation, so he knew she was in safe hands.

He also knew that the man who had killed her mother, the man that had shattered her world, had been shot and killed. Through some digging, and plenty of called in favours from agents in the city, he knew she had been the one to shoot him. To save that stupid shadow. He wondered if writer monkey knew just how hard it must have been for her. To let the one person who could give her the answers she had desperately searched for, die like that.

His train of thought shifted, and he wondered what writer monkey had done to get back in her good graces. When he left the last time, they were barely speaking. He had done something "ridiculously inconsiderate" (her words). He still wasn't 100% sure of what it was that he had done.

He pondered this for a moment, not for the first time, and then wondered how he'd managed to weasel his way back in. His nose wrinkled at the thought of the weaselling the writer wanted to do to his favourite detective. The elevator doors dinged open, and he stepped into the fourth floor hallway, turned left and headed into the bullpen. He rounded the corner, a slight bounce in his step, as he thought about seeing _her_.

And then, the sight in front of him knocked all the wind out of his sails, and the bounce out of his step.

Detective Beckett – _his_ detective Beckett – sat on the end of her desk, legs swinging aimlessly like a five-year-old, with _writer-monkey-stupid-shadow _ leaning in close, his hands braced on the desk next to her hips. Her arms may have been crossed against her chest, but there was no masking the smile on her face, or the _intimate_ tilt to her head. Hell, he could even hear her light, carefree laugh from the other side of the bullpen.

He saw her little minions walk down the stairs, obviously debating something. He saw their faces as they took in the scene in front of him. And what struck him most were the smirks the two wore. The total _lack_ of surprise on their features. The knowing tilt to their heads, and the casual flick of a file across the back of the writer's head as they passed.

"Dude, you're totally going overboard on the coffee giving."

Writer monkey slowly pulled away so he was standing beside her, while her gaze shifted from his eyes, to her minion's. She rolled them, bored with what seemed to be an old joke. "You're just jealous, Espo."

He snorted. "Of you? Please. Like I wanna kiss him."

He saw the frown on the writer's features, and a wave of gratitude washed over him. Until the bright smile chased the frown away. "You're so cute when you're feigning indifference, Detective. Like a crushed high school senior."

The Latino detective shot him a look and tossed a paper-ball at the shadow's head, which he deftly ducked.

He wished, with all his might that he could turn away. That he could go back the way he came, and never witness a scene like that ever again. And, while he was wishing, he wished he had never left the City all those years ago. Or, at the very least, had fought a little harder to get her to follow him. But, alas, there was a missing child that needed to be found. And he _had_ requested the services of this team, because, no matter what he thought of them off the job, they were some of the best minds in the city. He hated how, even if they weren't the best, she still held a place in his heart, and he would still request their help.

"There's no use in standing there watching. Trust me."

The voice came from his right, startling him out of his reverie. He turned his head to eye the man that had spoken. "What?"

The man tilted his head toward the bullpen. "Watching them. Outside of homicide and each other, they don't notice much else."

"What do you know?"

He shrugged and braced his shoulder against the wall. "I worked a robbery/homicide with them a couple months ago. The only way she'll notice you is if you're standing in front of her with information pertaining to their case. You could run around naked and not get a response."

He snorted. "I never had to run around naked with her… unless the moment called for it."

The man lifted and eyebrow and shrugged again. "That might have been the way it was then, but I can assure you with the most certainty, that, unless you've got information for her, she'll pretty much ignore you."

He pulled a sceptical face.

"Oh, don't get me wrong. She's pleasant. If you pass her in the hall, she'll say hello. But that's it. She has eyes only for him."

"What about the other two?"

"She's their boss; she's paid to notice them. Some of the other's get a look in. Her ME friend, a couple of other homicide detectives that get roped in to cases when things get tough. But us, from the outside? Not a snowball's chance in hell."

He sighed. "Well, I got a case for 'em."

The man offered his hand. "Good luck with that."

He nodded, took the man's hand and shook. "Yeah. Thanks."

With a final glance into the bullpen, and a nod, the man turned on his heel and headed back down the hall.

He turned and looked at the four in the bullpen, still talking and laughing. He wondered when she had become so free. The Detective Beckett he knew never ever laughed like that. She had always been far too serious about everything to let anything amuse her. He had tried – oh, how he had tried – to get her to lighten up, even just outside of the office, but it never amounted to anything more than a weak smile.

He took a breath and squared his shoulders before stepping into the bullpen and causing the light mood to darken quickly.

Esposito and Ryan glanced at each other, and slowly slipped backward, to their desks, and took their seats, their attention focussed on the three.

Kate stood, her hands clasped casually in front of her, while Castle stood just behind her.

Castle smirked. "Agent Sorenson, what brings you here?"

"I'm in town for a few days. I came by to see if Kate wanted to have dinner, catch up on life."

_Screw the case._ He thought. _The FBI can handle it on its own._

Castle looked to Kate and raised an eyebrow, to which she simply rolled her eyes. Turning to her ex, and smiled weakly. "I'm sorry, Will, but we're pretty busy around here. And I think I'm pretty booked up for the rest of the week?" her statement came out as a question as she shifted her gaze back to Castle.

If it weren't already painfully obvious to him that he had missed his chance, it was now, within feet of the tender look they were sharing.

Castle nodded to her, and then turned back, an almost apologetic look on his face. "My mother's opening night is always a big deal. And my daughter would be shattered if her favourite detective wasn't at pizza night."

"I thought I was Alexis' favourite detective." Muttered Ryan to Esposito in a hurt tone.

Esposito rolled his eyes in a pretty decent imitation of Beckett, and hushed his partner with a wave of his hand.

"Oh. So you're… you two are…?" he couldn't form the words and his hand waved pathetically between the two. Sometimes, he really hated himself.

Kate looked to Rick and smiled softly. She reached up a hand to swipe a piece of hair out of her eyes and he caught sight of the diamond sitting on her finger. He had even less chance than he imagined.

"Huh." He muttered.

She looked back and realised what had caught his eye. "Oh, that." She waved a dismissive hand. A dismissive left hand, the light bouncing of the rock. "As of a month ago."

"One and done, huh?"

She smiled softly, remembering that once upon a time, many moons ago, she had thought that Will Sorenson would be her one and done. That he was the answer to her dreams and wishes. Lucky for her, he'd taken off six months into their relationship, and once she'd rebuilt the walls surrounding her heart, it had been years before anyone else had gotten around them. Because Richard Castle hadn't pulled them down or blown them up, but simply found a way to get through, while leaving her protection up to ward off others that thought they had a chance.

She nodded and stepped back slightly, her hand finding Castle's in an automatic response to their closeness. "That's the plan."

"Plan?" snorted Castle. "Honey, it's written."

She rolled her eyes, but didn't comment. She watched him with a soft, almost pitying expression on her face. "Sorry, Will." She whispered.

He shrugged and pointed over his shoulder with his thumb. "I'm just gonna…" he turned and was almost at the corner again, when he looked back. "Congratulations." She smiled softly again, and nodded her thanks, while Castle smirked at him behind her back and offered him a curt little wave.

While waiting for the elevator to open, he chanced a look over his shoulder, and wished he hadn't. They were still at the end of her desk, but she was resting her hips against it as he stood in front of her, his hands at her waist. Her arms weren't crossed this time, and her hands rested on the crease of his elbows. They were looking into each other's eyes, smiling softly as they spoke.

The doors opened with a ding, and he stepped on. He jabbed a little harder at the ground floor button than was strictly necessary, but he reasoned it had something to do with the shock of seeing them kiss right there in the middle of the precinct.

_His_ Detective Beckett would never have allowed such a public display of affection. And, as he realised that, he realised she hadn't been _his_ Detective Beckett in a very long time. Now, now she was just Detective Kate Beckett. His ex, who had a fiancé now.

_She's Got A Boyfriend Now – Boys Like Girls_

_**A/N II:**__ I really did originally have a case for them, but that got shoved away somewhere around the time Will was talking to that other detective. Gee, I wonder who that was…? =D_

_Anyway, I know it was different from the others, but I hope you liked it all the same. Drop us a line and let me know what you think?_

_Cheers‼_

_Oh, and, one more thing: I don't know how you guys did it, but I got tickets to see New Found Glory next year‼ So much love heading you way right now, its in-SANE‼_


	8. Walls

_**A/N:**__ Hey, guys. I wasn't sure if I would be able to update on the day I usually do, so I thought I'd throw one out now. If you're really lucky, and life loves me like it should (!) you'll get another one on... Sunday or Monday! So, here you go!_

_Also, I wasn't going to do this, but I have, and it's done. This is a direct follow up to chapter 3 "6 Months". If you can't remember it, re-read it if you want, but it shouldn't make too much of a difference, really._

_Most importantly, enjoy‼_

Walls

"_I wanna break down these walls, I built around myself. I wanna fall so in love, with you and no-one else"_

The overhead lights were still dimmed from the night before, when she'd flipped them off on her way to bed. It hadn't been intentional, to have them low now, but she had to admit that the soft glow added to the atmosphere. It seemed to lessen her nerves. Not that she would ever admit to being nervous, and least of all, to him. She knew, if he looked hard enough, he would see them, because he was so attuned to her, that he saw every little nuance. They may have only shared that one night of passion, but they had been together for a long time now.

They had wandered around the little deli for almost half an hour while he decided on what he wanted to cook for her. And, after a brief, muttered argument he had finally decided on his 'world famous' pasta. In trying to prove how highly he thought of her, he admitted that it wasn't originally his recipe, but one of the few things his mother had managed to cook on a regular basis when he was a kid. It was the kind of recipe that worked for celebrating when things were good, and as a comfort when things were decidedly not so good.

But, tonight, things were decidedly very, very good.

She stood with her lower back resting against the edge of the counter, watching him as he made his way around her kitchen, looking as comfortable as someone who had lived there for years. It didn't scare her as much as she thought it should. It scared her more than the thought of spending more time with him.

Without turning around he asked, "Whatcha thinking about, Detective?"

She smirked and took a sip of her wine, hiding her growing smile. With light footsteps, she made her way over to him and rested her hand lightly between his shoulder blades and peeked over his shoulder. "Just thinking how long this is going to take to cook, cause I'm starving."

Her warm breath brushed his cheek and it was everything he could do, to not turn and capture her lips in a searing kiss. "Trust me, Kate, it will taste amazing."

She smiled and took another sip. She turned so her hip was braced against the counter while her hand drifted down his back. "I do, you know." She replied softly, avoiding his eyes. Though she wasn't looking directly at him, she could see the question in his features. "Trust you."

His smile matched hers as he turned to her, placing his hands on her waist. "That is quite possibly the sexist thing you have ever said to me."

She swatted at his chest half-heartedly and placed her glass on the counter, leaning into him slightly. Their eyes locked and, as clichéd as it is, to them, it felt like everything else stopped. The ticking of the clock's second hand faded into white noise, along with the traffic sounds from outside the windows. The lights seemed to dim further, as the electricity flowed through them, and they stopped being the detective and her shadow. They weren't Beckett and Castle anymore, but Kate and Rick, two people trying to navigate the winding road that was the beginning of a new relationship.

They stood like that for a moment, before her hands wonder their way north, along his chest, to link behind his head. Her fingers played with the soft hairs on the nape of his neck, putting enough pressure there, to tell him what she wanted.

Because, really, it was what he wanted, too.

With slightly laboured breathing from the anticipation running through their veins, he dipped his head and captured her lips in the softest caress of a kiss. One that took your breath away and affirmed the notion that maybe, just maybe, things could be right in the world with the right kind of kiss.

She rose to her toes, her arms tightening around his shoulders as the kiss deepened, and he pushed her against the counter edge. She arched her back, wanting to feel him pressed more fully against her. His fingers slipped under the pretty white shirt to draw random patterns on her skin, that elicited a long, low moan from the usually perfectly in control woman.

When the need for oxygen became too much, he pulled away and lent his forehead against hers, staring deep into her eyes. "I should get back to dinner. You're starving, if my memory serves."

She grinned wickedly and raised a knee to gently rub against the bulge in his jeans. "Maybe I'm hungry for something else, now."

His blue eyes danced with desire, darkening as she increased the pressure just a little. "Kate Beckett, you are, without a doubt, the most _extraordinary_ woman I have had the pleasure of meeting in my entire. life." He punctuated the last two words with lingering pecks to her lips.

"I bet that's what you say to all the women you want to bed." She replied, trying to drag them away from a conversation that could wait. That didn't need to be heard for, oh, the next fifty years.

He shook his head, his eyes full of complete and utter honesty. "No, Kate. You're the only women I've ever called extraordinary. The only one who has ever warranted it. Nikki Heat has haunting good looks, but you, you're beautiful."

He reached around her and flipped the switches on the stove top, turning everything off. He shifted back, his face inches from her own, and lowed his mouth to hers again, taking full advantage of the slightly open lips, a result of his complete honesty.

This time the kiss didn't just deepen, it escalated, until clothes were being strewn all around her kitchen, and she was in his arms, her legs wrapped tight around his waist and he bumbled his way to her bedroom. He dropped her on the bed unceremoniously, and followed on top of her. And, soon, there was no sound, but their moans and the slight squeaking of bedsprings. And it was then, in that moment, just as she felt herself reaching her climax, that no matter what happened from here on in, there was no way another person was going to get through those walls she had erected all those years ago.

Because, whether she was ready to admit it or not, he was, without a doubt, her one and done.

_Walls – All Time Low_

_**A/N: **__I'm not entirely sure if I like this or not, but it's done. Lemme know?_

_Cheers‼_


	9. Sucker

_**A/N:**__ I wasn't sure if I'd have the time, and I found some, so you get an extra one this week! Gotta loooove that. =D_

Sucker

"_Being wrong never felt so right…"_

She squared her shoulders and lined up another volley of shots into the paper. Castle was right; it was much harder when they moved. But this was her place of sanctuary when the cases got just a little bit too hard and she needed space. She hated that it happened, priding herself on her ability to keep the professional from the personal. But sometimes, the personal just crept in and bit you on the ass.

"Thought I'd find you here." He called from the doorway, leaning ever so casually against the jamb, watching as she relaxed into a shooter's stance.

She rolled her eyes and turned to him. "I was actually trying to get away from you."

He cocked an eyebrow. "Me? What did I do wrong?"

She shook her head. "I shouldn't have to tell you, Castle. We've been together long enough."

"_Together_ together? Or Detective and shadow together? Because while the second is so true, I'm gonna claim deniability on the first. And it's a large claim."

She shook her head again and turned back to the paper hanging at the other side of the range. In her mind's eye, she pictured him up there. It wasn't hard to do, whenever she closed her eyes lately he was all she could see.

"Why did you want to get away from me?" he asked softly as he moved to stand behind her.

"Because you were annoying me. More than usual."

"How?"

"What?"

"How? How was I annoying you?"

She hesitated. "You were flirting."

He scoffed. "I was not! Who was I flirting with?" He was a little confused. They hadn't been seeing each other long, and neither of them had set down any relationship rules.

She rolled her eyes as only detective Kate Beckett could and put her gun down. Better not give into temptation. Even if he did sign the waver. "The new desk girl." She muttered, not turning to look at him, for fear of what her face might give away. Not that it really mattered; he had always been able to read what she was thinking simply by listening closely.

Castle let out a short laugh. "I wasn't flirting with her. And besides, who cares if I did? I always flirt, its part of who I am. And anyway, none of them know we're seeing each other"

This time she did turn. "They may not know, Castle, but I do. You made me feel like an idiot. I don't know whether to slap you or shoot you!"

He met her eyes with a small, cheeky grin. "Can I offer an answer? Slap me. Less paperwork."

"Urgh!" she groaned, spinning away from him again and picking up her gun. "Sometimes, Castle, I really, really hate you!" she fired off two rounds that landed in the target's groin and heard the sharp intake of breath behind her.

"You really are mad at me, aren't you?" he asked, slightly bewildered.

She didn't bother replying.

"You want to know the honest truth? I haven't flirted, _really_ flirted with anyone since we started, you know, seeing more of each other." He could tell from her stance that she was listening. "I know you, Kate. And I know you're the one and done kinda girl. And I like that. You wouldn't even entertain the idea of us, unless you saw something in me that you thought was worth it."

Her shoulders sagged slightly, she knew he was right. About all of it. Clicking the safety on her gun, she placed it to the side and slowly turned to him. "I'm being crazy, aren't I?"

He nodded with an eyebrow raised again. "Really a lot."

She sighed and rested her lower back against the counter. "I'm sorry."

She said it so quietly that he almost had to ask her to repeat herself. But he knew it would only get him in even more trouble, so he kept his mouth shut. "You know maybe we just need to approach this in a different way."

"Like how?"

"Like, instead of being all or nothing, why don't we just let them figure it out on their own. We won't tell them anything, but we won't hide it from them, either. I'd even go so far as to put dinner on Ryan figuring it out first."

"Ryan, really?"

He nodded. "Take Esposito and whoever figures it out first gets to choose the location of the dinner."

"No hints." He shook his head. "And they have to ask directly." He nodded. "Okay, deal." She reached her hand out to shake his. Before she could stop herself, she pulled him closer and kissed him hard on the lips.

Momentarily taken by surprise, he didn't react straight away, but after less than a second, he had her pressed against the wall of the booth, their fight long forgotten.

He kissed his way down her neck, to the hollow of her throat, feeling her moan more than hearing it. His hands tugged at her shirt, trying to pull it out of her pants. Succeeding, his hands slipped up underneath to her warm belly, tracing lines across the soft skin.

"You know, if anyone were to walk in, the Captain would kick both our asses, don't you?"

Castle nodded and pulled back, shrugging. "As long as I still get to do this with you somewhere, he can do whatever he wants."

His hands came out from her shirt and gently cupped her face. He smiled softly as her eyes fluttered, before leaning forward and kissing her sweetly. They knew they would get in a world of trouble if they were found, but the risk was half the fun.

_Sucker – New Found Glory_

_**A/N:**__ Yes, another New Found Glory song. I'll be honest, I love the pants offa these blokes! Anyway, you guys know the drill. Thanks to everyone who has read/reviewed/both. I love you so very, very much!_

_Oh, and GOOOOO TIGES!_


	10. Ultimate

_**A/N:**__ Oh, early! I know for a fact that I won't be able to update tomorrow. Netball Grand Final's and a ship-load of beer are most definitely going to prevent it. So, you're getting your fix now. _

_Um, I like this one. Quite a bit, even if it is a bit different from the norm. You'll understand at the end._

_**SPOILER(S):**__ Nothing too bad, just a little Detective Douche- I mean, Demming…_

Ultimate

"_Remember when you took my heart and put it back together again?"_

Detective Kate Beckett sat on the edge of her desk and stared blankly at the murder board. There wasn't much on it at this early stage of the investigation, but she needed to look. Often things jumped out at her when she least expected it. That was how she had met Richard Castle and Tom Demming. They just popped up when things were going fine for her.

Stupid fate.

She could feel someone standing behind her, but didn't bother looking. Tom would get the picture and leave; Castle would eventually mutter something stupid; and if it were Ryan or Esposito, they would have said something by now. She idly wondered if maybe Tom was going to make some kind of stand, but then the person cleared their throat, and a take-away cup of coffee appeared in front of her.

Castle.

"You looked tired, thought you could do with one of these." He moved so he was sitting next to her, close but not quite touching.

"Thanks." She mumbled and took a sip. Inwardly she smiled, Castle always got it right.

"So, is it talking yet?" he asked, raising his own cup and tilting it toward the whiteboard.

She shook her head. "Not really. Just telling me that there's been a murder, and we still don't have a lot of information." She turned to him and shrugged. "Hopefully when the boys get back they'll be able to tell us something more."

Castle nodded and his eyes drifted over her shoulder, his brow furrowed slightly, before returning to normal as his eyes drifted back to hers. Turning her head in that direction, she saw someone walking away with his hands in his pockets, his head bowed slightly. Sighing, she looked back at the board. "Don't go there, Castle." She warned and took another sip of her coffee.

He nodded again and mimicked her pose, staring at the murder board in silence. He wondered what had happened to make Tom Demming walk away from her like that. He had seemed so dejected; his body language and the look on his face told him more than words probably ever could.

"We broke up." She admitted softly, her head bowing slightly as she looked to her hands.

Maybe not. "I wasn't going to ask." He replied, equally as soft.

"Your Jedi mind trick at its best yet again."

He watched her out of the corner of his eye, wanting to ask more, knowing it was his funeral if he did.

"He wanted me to stop working with you."

Castle let a small smile creep on to his face. "He _what_?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Exactly. He thought it should be him helping me with my mother's murder, not you. I told him that you were there when the whole thing got reopened and that I trusted you with the case." She shrugged. "I don't think he took too kindly to the fact that I trust a writer with something like that, more than I trusted a fellow cop. And, uh, boyfriend." She paused. "Ex-boyfriend now I guess."

Castle lent in close, bumping her shoulder gently with his own. "It's his loss, you know that, right?"

Kate rolled her eyes again and turned to him, their faces only inches apart. She could see the dark speckles in his bright blue eyes. It very nearly took her breath away. "Thank you."

"You're more than welcome."

"Yo, do you two need a minute, or are we free to tell you what we got?" Esposito's voice broke through their bubble and their moment was gone.

"We're good. What's up?" asked Kate, shifting back into full cop mode. Castle had always wondered how she could swap and change so effortlessly. Maybe it came with practice? Or, maybe, it was a gift she had always had? He made a mental note to ask her about it later.

"Turns out, Mrs. Perfect-wife wasn't so perfect after all."

Castle stood. "Oh, do tell."

"Where would you like us to start? The three previously failed marriages? Her step-children's hatred of her? The gossip from the neighbours?"

"How about, with something other than rhetoricals?" injected Beckett.

Ryan nodded to her. "Mrs. Perfect? Banging the night shift doorman."

"What?"

"Yeah-huh. They were doin' the dirty dance while Mr. Perfect and the three perfect children were otherwise occupied." Esposito looked at Castle. "That is to say, they were at work and school." He mimicked a basketballer taking a shot, his hand staying raised, signalling three points.

Beckett looked to the board, where she had written in the wife's alibi. Walking over, she picked up a red texta, and circled the words she had put there, wondering what else they had been lied to about. "Check with the day guy, maybe he saw them heading out for a rendezvous. I don't think they would have been stupid enough to do it at the building, but maybe I'm overestimating their intelligence? It's happened before." Her eyes drifted to Castle and a slight smile played on her lips.

Esposito and Ryan nodded, turned on their heels, and headed out of the bullpen again. Beckett sat on the edge of her desk again, her eyes fixed on the board, contemplating what they now knew.

"What about us?" asked Castle, slipping onto the edge beside her.

"Us? Well, Mr. Castle, we're gonna take a drive. See what Mr. Night-shift has to say for himself."

He clapped gleefully as he followed her out like an obedient puppy.

XXX

The ride out to the Bronx was travelled mostly in silence. Beckett concentrated on driving, while Castle concentrated on watching Beckett drive. Their usual banter had been missing for a while now, ever since Detective Demming and his classic good looks started hanging around.

Castle wondered if they would ever get back to the way they were; flirting and joking their way through the bleak parts of their day. The parts when Kate let her guard slip, transitioning out of Detective mode and into human mode. He knew he was one of the few who were lucky enough to enjoy its appearance, often when he least expected it.

"You're watching me drive. It is just as creepy as when you watch me do paperwork." She muttered, glancing in the rear-view mirror before switching lanes.

"Sorry." His eyes flicked away, before flicking back. "You wanna talk about it?"

She shook her head. "There's nothing to talk about, Castle. We got into an argument about my mom's case. T… He said he was sick of playing second fiddle to you."

"Second fiddle? You were banging the guy. We've never so much as kissed."

She rolled her eyes. "I know that. And he knew that, but our relationship has always been a sore point." She shook her head. "He hated that you followed me around all day. He hated the Nikki Heat/Jameson Rook relationship. But he learnt to deal with it. I think… I think it got to be too much. For both of us."

Castle nodded and turned to look out the windscreen. "My mother and Chet are coming over for dinner tonight, if you're not doing anything. I know she and Alexis would love to see you. I'm cooking." He added as an afterthought.

Beckett smiled. "I'd like that."

_Ultimate – Lindsay Lohan_

_**A/N II: **__I am well aware of how the break-up went in the actual show. But I wrote this before I saw that. I'll be back on the 'together' bandwagon next time._

_Oh, and, I don't know about you guys, but I can't believe this is chapter 10 already! Where has the time gone...? When I started this whole series, I had netball/training 4 nights a week. Now I'm home with... Saturday hangovers! Lol. I miss the netball!_

_Cheers‼_


	11. Beauty In The Breakdown

_**A/N:**__ not to be confused as an extension to my last foray into this song. They're separate. I just really like the song for Castle and Beckett._

_Cheers‼_

Beauty In The Breakdown

"_I've been hoping and praying for a single way to show you what I'm all about"_

"Urgh. How can I have nothing to wear!"

Lanie smirked. _"_Girl, explain to me just this one last time why exactly you're freaking out? Because, I'm pretty sure you told me this was just a dinner. In fact, I'm certain you told me _just today_ that it meant nothing."

Kate frowned at Lanie's reflection in the mirror. "I'm not freaking out, I just…"

"Nuh-uh, no way. Look who you're talking to. I might spend my day chatting up dead people, but I've known you long enough to know when you're freaking. What was it you said earlier? Oh, that's right: 'it's just a harmless dinner'. Is it because of the sex?"

Kate whirled around. "Lanie! You told me you'd never mention that. Besides, it was, like, one night and it was almost a month ago."

"And you two still haven't spoken about it. You haven't been alone since then." She added accusingly. Kate opened her mouth to retort, but Lanie spoke over her. "I know you've been the only two in the bullpen, and in the elevator, and a myriad of other places, but nothing can happen there. You can't have a decent conversation when others could easily interrupt. You've totally been putting this off."

Kate blew out a frustrated breath, knowing her friend was right. She had done anything and everything to avoid talking to him about their night of passion. He had tried, numerous times, to get her to talk, but every time he mentioned it, she found a way to change the topic.

It had been working so well for her, too.

But then they landed a case that hit a little too close to home for her liking and he had busted her slowly falling to pieces in the shooting range. He had taken her in his arms and held her tight and close until she had cried her eyes dry. When he had offered her dinner, promising to wait until the case was closed to take her out, she had been too emotionally wrecked to refuse. That was five days ago. They had closed the case three days ago, and it had taken him that long to get her to agree on a night for their dinner.

He had held strong, and eventually she got sick of him asking, and agreed simply to shut him up. And now, she was regretting it, no matter how many times he had told her their dinner was his way of trying to cheer her up.

If she was perfectly honest with herself, she would have to say the sex was definitely a better pick-me-up. But, if she admitted it only to herself, then she would have to admit that she was harbouring feelings, other than annoyance and friendship, for him. And that was a whole other can of worms that she didn't want opened. That one night had been more than enough for the time being.

Though, while she was being honest, she may as well admit that it was a damn good night.

"What about this?" asked Lanie, pulling Kate out of her internal war.

She looked over her shoulder at the top Lanie was holding up. It was a simple button down, but she had hidden it in the back of her closet because it was just a bit too small. She had brought it without trying it on because she liked the colour, and the price. But, once she wore it, she realised that it was maybe a little too tight to wear to the precinct and had put it away, completely forgetting about it. "Too small." She muttered, shaking her head and pulling a face.

Lanie cocked an eyebrow. "Yeah, for me, maybe. But for you? No way. Wear it with your dark blue jeans, black boots and brown leather jacket. You'll knock his socks off."

Kate rolled her eyes. "I don't want to knock his socks off, I want to get this dinner over and done with."

Lanie continued like she hadn't heard Kate's protest. "Wear the white tank with the decal over the top, like a vest. It'll hide whatever it is you're afraid of showing, while showing just enough to keep him hanging on."

Kate snorted. "Somehow I don't think what I'm wearing will change his mind."

Lanie smirked slowly. "Oh, right. He _has_ seen you naked."

Kate groaned and threw a rolled up pair of socks at her best friend. She should never have told Lanie about their hook up. Lanie tossed the socks back and shoved the shirt, jeans and tank in her friend's hands. "Quit complaining and get in there and get changed. We still gotta do your hair and make-up."

XXX

Forty-five minutes later Beckett stepped out of a cab in the middle of the meatpacking district. Castle had offered to go past her new apartment and pick her up, but she had politely declined, knowing it would feel far too much like a real date. Besides, she needed this time to herself to calm the butterflies that swooped around in her stomach.

She wondered if he was already inside the restaurant, or if she should wait out the front for him. In her rush to avoid the feeling of it being a real, official date, she had completely forgotten to ask. Fishing around in her clutch, she pulled out her phone, just as a car pulled up to the curb and tooted.

"Ah, I see you found the place, detective. Give me a second to park and we'll go in." She rolled her eyes as he pulled away again, his tyres squealing. She wondered if he realised she could fine him for dangerous driving?

Five minutes later he sauntered around the corner, hands resting oh-so-casually in his pockets. He walked up and stopped beside her. "Ready?" he asked, offering out his arm for her to take.

She eyed him suspiciously, but eventually gave in with a muttered "oh, what the hell?" and slipped her hand into the crook of his arm. She was comforted by the fact that he was wearing dark jeans, an untucked shirt with the top few buttons undone, and his black leather jacket. She imagined the jacket cost more than her whole outfit, but when you're on top of the New York Times best sellers list, you could afford all the best things.

"You look nice." He told her, and she smiled softly.

"Thanks. So do you."

He grinned like an idiot, and pulled the door open, his hand falling to the small of her back as he ushered her in. She pretended she didn't notice the tingle that shot up and down her spine at his touch, and that she didn't feel the goose pimples the covered every inch of her skin.

"Ah, Mr. Castle. How are you this evening?"

Castle smiled. "I'm great, Marco. Is my table ready?"

Marco nodded and beckoned for them to follow him. Kate shot Castle a look, as he put pressure on her lower back again, encouraging her to follow the doorman. They wound their way through an assortment of mixed and matched tables and chairs to a booth in the back corner near the kitchen. Marco stood to the side as they each took seats, and placed two menus on the table. "I'll be back soon for your order. Can I get you anything to drink in the meantime?"

"You know what, as this is a casual meal," he nodded to Beckett, "I think I'll go with a beer. Is Sam Adams okay?" he asked, looking back at her.

She nodded. "Yes, that's fine. Make it two." She said, turning to Marco and smiling softly.

With a nod, Marco turned and headed toward a door halfway along the wall. She watched him disappear through it before turning back to face Castle. He grinned at her and picked up his menu, muttering to himself as he read. Kate took the opportunity to look around. To say it wasn't what she had expected was a little bit of an understatement. The way Castle spoke about the places he dined; she had been worrying that she would be underdressed.

"I think I'm gonna go with a burger and fries. Have you decided?"

She shook her head. "I was too busy looking around. How did you find this place?"

Castle winked and pushed her menu closer. "All in good time, Detective. Marco will be back in a second to take our order."

Rolling her eyes and sighing, she opened the little booklet and found that most of the food offered would be served in any number of diner's in the city. In fact, she was almost 100% sure they served all the same thing at Remy's around the corner from the precinct.

"Are you guys ready to order?" Marco asked, placing their beers on the table in front of them.

Castle nodded. "I'll have my usual, thanks." Marco nodded and looked to Kate.

She pondered the list for another few seconds, before deciding. "I'll have a chicken burger with fries. Thanks." She smiled again as she handed her menu over.

Marco turned and headed back into the kitchen, and then it was just Castle and Beckett, sharing the table and sipping their beers. "So, you never told me, how did you find this place?"

Castle placed his bottle on a coaster in front of him. He linked his fingers in front of his face and peered at her, before cracking a smile. "This used to be Alexis favourite restaurant." Beckett raised an eyebrow. "Actually, I think it still is. But with all her AP classes, we don't get to eat out as much. We've been coming here at least once a week since she was nine. Sometimes, on my way home from the precinct, I stop by and grab us dinner. We usually come here for dinner on her birthday."

Beckett nodded slowly, wondering why Castle would think to come here tonight.

"I know what you're thinking, and I figured that this would be the best place to come, to keep it casual. Yes, we could have gone to Remy's, but we know most of the people there and we wouldn't get an opportunity to talk. But here, it feels a little like Remy's, but we only know each other."

"You know the staff." Beckett pointed out.

Castle shrugged. "I know staff at half the restaurants in the city, Kate. You'll be hard pressed to find a place where I don't know at least one person. At least here they know me well enough to let us have our dinner."

She nodded slowly. "So, what did you want to talk about?'

Castle smiled. "Us." He frowned at Kate's raised eyebrow. "Oh, come on. You know exactly what I mean. We've barely spoken in a month, and every time it looks like we're about to discuss what happened that night, and what we want to come of it, we get interrupted. Or someone changes the subject." He adopted a fake accusatory tone to show that while he was being completely serious, he wasn't simply blaming her.

She knew he was right, but she wasn't sure if she was ready to lay it all out there for him and face possible mockery and heartbreak. "This isn't just a casual dinner to you, is it?" she asked and his face gave her the answer. She let out a puff of breath and looked away, to where another waiter was seating another couple. "I knew it." she muttered, her eyes fixed on an empty table across the other side of the room. "That is just so… typical of you." She turned back to him. "Do you always feel the need to weasel your way in, use your money and your contacts to get what you want?"

Castle shrugged, a small smile playing in the corner of his mouth. "I'm not used to losing. And when I see something I want, I do what I can to get it." he reached over and took hold of her hand, resting next to her beer bottle. "Look, Kate, if after tonight you decide you don't want this to go further than that night, then fine, it won't. But if there's some part of you, even the smallest part, that wants to see what can happen, then let it. Let me in. Let me have the chance to show you what we could be like. I'm not going to lie to you, I like you a lot. I think from the moment I met you, I knew that something like this was going to happen. Of course, I thought it would be easier. I never imagined that your tough, cop persona had seeped into your personal life. But maybe that was my ego talking. I've never been challenged like you challenge me."

She shot him a look and tried to free her hand from his.

"I'm not talking about that, well, I am, but not just that. You challenge me daily, just by being you. You're so… controlled. You know what you're doing, every step of the way. You make choices based on what the best possible outcome could be, but you won't do it for yourself. You hide behind walls and hold the world at arm's length. I just want the chance to show you that it doesn't have to be heartbreak. Not all the time. Sometimes, with the right ingredients, the right person, everything can be good."

She let out another breath and simply stared at him. She knew in her heart that he was right. She didn't want to admit it, because she could almost picture the stupid 'I told you so' face and dance that he would do. But, she could feel her resolve crumbling. She could feel some of those walls letting themselves be torn down by his words and the sincerity in his eyes. Of all the men she had ever known, he was the only one that seemed to really know her.

"Fine." She breathed, looking down at their still joint hands, resting in the middle of the table, next to her drink. "Fine." She repeated, her voice stronger from the decision being made in her head. "But we take it slow. No sleepovers for a month, or three more dates, whichever happens first. And I don't want dates like this. I want to dress up. I want to wear a pretty dress. You have to woo me, Richard Castle, like you've never wooed a girl before. You have to show me that you're worth the risk, because if this falls to pieces, I don't know how we'll ever make it back."

Castle nodded and smiled that smile that made her heart race. He wove his fingers through hers and lent back in his seat slightly. "Just to be clear, when I take you home tonight, will I be allowed to give you a goodnight kiss?"

She smirked and took a sip of her beer. "Well, that all depends, Castle. So far tonight you've lied to me and called me a challenge. This had better turn around quickly, or you might not even get a second date."

Castle laughed and kissed her hand. "Oh, I'll get the second date, don't you worry. Just you wait until you've eaten your burger. You'll be begging me to bring you back, just to get to the third date."

Kate laughed.

_Beauty In The Breakdown – The Scene Aesthetic_


	12. My Bloody Valentine

_**A/N:**__ This is for my sister, who recently found the delights of __**Castle**__, after a sleep-over at my house._

_Enjoy! =D_

My Bloody Valentine

"_All I know is that I love you tonight"_

She stood in the break room, his words washing over her in waves as she watched him walk away from her after dropping _that _particular bombshell.

Ass!

How could he say those things to her and walk away, without even giving her a minute – a second – to think it through? To respond.

Jerk!

Her eyes glaze over as she remembers the way he held her hands so gently. She remembers how soft he spoke. How sincere his eyes were. How utterly un-Castle-like he was, as he stood there, her hands and, (she realises now) her heart softly encased in his much larger and stronger ones.

Butt-head!

She wants to scream. To run after him and tear him a new one, for putting her in this position. For thinking for a second that he could just walk away from her, after opening himself up like that. After taking everything she knew – okay, thought she knew – about him, and screwing it up like a paper ball and throwing it away.

She thought she had him pegged. Thought she knew him better than anyone. And he threw the biggest, widest curveball she's ever seen in her life. And he doesn't even particularly like baseball. At least, not the way she does. And he uses it against her.

Urgh!

She can see him, standing with Ryan and Esposito, chatting as if nothing's happened. As if nothing's changed. Of course, to them, nothing had. She knew they thought they had their whole relationship sorted. She knew they thought that there was nothing left to say, besides "I do". But, oh, how they were wrong.

They didn't know that they had been skirting around the issue of deep and meaningfuls for almost two full months. She knew she loved him. Knew it in her heart, but her head sometimes had a way of being _unbelievably_ slow on the uptake when it came to things like this.

When her heart knew what her head wanted but her heart had trouble getting her head to fall into line and follow along.

Funny, how she always thought her head had trouble getting _him_ to follow along.

She swipes a hand over her face, and nibbles on her bottom lip. She remembers him telling her once that she looked cute when she did it. That it drove him crazy with desire. He wanted to be the one nibbling on that lip. So, sometimes, she did it, just to tease him. Sometimes she didn't even realise she _was_ teasing him, and it made her face redden. Like she was busted doing something wrong.

It's not wrong if it's out of love though, right?

She clears her throat, finding her voice stuck behind whatever it was that caused the lump to form, and calls for him. When he looks up, her eyes are still slightly glazed, but she knows that he can see something else in them. Something she's been trying so hard to make her head understand for so long that she thought she might have to get herself so stupidly drunk that it loosened her tongue.

Thankfully, it hadn't come to that. Because, really, she did not need that hangover. And, by god, would it have been a doozy.

As he steps closer and closer, she steps deeper and deeper into the break room, knowing it will draw him in. She motions, with a slight flick of her wrist, that he should shut the door. With a questioning tilt of his eyebrow, he does so, and comes to stand in front of her.

She can feel the heat off his body, and it sends shivers and all sorts of other things she really shouldn't be feeling at work coursing around her body. And then she curses herself mentally, for letting him get to her here.

She had not envisioned this moment happening here.

"What is it, Kate?" he asks, softly. That same soft voice he used to speak to her earlier. When he opened his heart to her.

She shifts slightly, stealing her nerves. This time, it's her head that's in front. She knows he won't turn her down, because he went there first, but her heart has suddenly decided it wants to be shy.

How's that for irony?

She steps up to him, invading his personal space, like he's done to her on far too many occasions to count. She can feel his breath on her face and it reminds her of a night, not too long ago really, and all bets go out the window. It's like she needed this closeness and that familiarity to finally align her head and heart.

"I love you, too, Rick." She blurts, and then bites down on her lip.

Screw him and his perceived cuteness, but it was a nervous habit, damn it and she couldn't help it.

He grins and nods. "I know."

Quirking an eyebrow, she asks "How the hell did you know that? I've only just been able to admit it to myself!"

He grins cheekily. "You tell me every night in your sleep."

"I do not. When?"

He smirks now, taking her hands in his once again. "Every night we've spent together for the last two weeks. When you're just drifting off, when I can feel your body relaxing completely, I kiss you softly. And every time, you smile ever so slightly and whisper you love me."

"Why haven't you said anything before now!"

His grin falters slightly. "Because, uh, I made a promise to Lanie."

Her eyebrow climbs on her forehead slightly. "Oh?"

He nods. "She said if I could string it out until today, she'd give me a cut of the betting pool money. Ow! Apples! Apples!"

She had moved so quickly that he really didn't have a chance to dodge out of the way of her superwoman ear pinch. "There better be something in it for me, Castle, or I swear to god…" he threat faltered at the soft look he was giving her, behind his obvious pain, and she reluctantly let go.

Reached out and cupped her face. "But of course. You get me."

Shaking her head, she sighs. "Good thing I love you, hey?"

He nods, and kisses her forehead. "Trust me, Kate. That feeling is entirely mutual. I love you, too."

_My Bloody Valentine – Good Charlotte_

_**A/N:**__ Thanks for the love, guys!_


	13. I Could Not Ask For More

_**A/N:**__ And we're back. We still don't have the outcome of that bet... Yet. Sorry about that, it is coming… slowly. Better late than never, though, right?_

_Anyway, onwards with this little 'shot‼_

_Enjoy‼ =D_

I Could Not Ask For More

"_I've found all I've waited for…"_

He took her hand gently in his and tilted his head toward the dance floor. The soft, blonde wood was empty of their guests, and her green eyes shone brightly as she smiled up at him. She placed her champagne flute on the table and stood, gathering her dress just enough to show a glimpse of the cherry red pumps she wore as she followed him along the back of the table on the raised platform.

He nodded his head to the emcee-slash-lead singer, who took up his position behind the mike. The soft music that had been playing in the background faded out, and the conversation that had been echoing in the grand hall of the Waldorf-Astoria died instantly as all eyes turned to the couple standing mere meters from the edge of the large floor.

"Good evening, everybody. Before we get this part of the night rolling, I have a quick message from both the groomsmen and the bride's maids: it's about damn time!" he paused, allowing the guests to show their appreciation with a round of light chuckles. "With that, I would like to introduce to you, for the first time, Mr. and Mrs Richard Castle!"

The applause sounded like thunder to her ears, as she grinned up at him, his blue eyes dancing with delight. He led her to the middle of the floor and took her in his arms. Not for the first time, but the first time as his wife.

The soft strains of a favourite song started playing, and Kate couldn't help but bite her bottom lip softly. She could remember the arguments over what song to play in this particular moment, but the one they had finally settled on fit them so well, she couldn't remember why they had felt the need to argue in the first place.

His left hand rested surely on her waist, as hers found its way into his right. Before long, she had shifted it again, so their fingers were linked and, if you were sitting in just the right place, you could catch a ray of light as it bounced off the small diamonds in both her engagement and wedding rings.

He pulled her closer and breathed in the unique smell that was Katherine Beckett-Castle and smiled.

They cut a wide path around the room, not speaking, simply enjoying being in each other's arms. It had been a long time coming, this union. They weren't without their troubles along the way (they wouldn't be Castle and Beckett without _someone_ throwing a spanner in the works.), but now that they were there, there wasn't a person in the room with a dry eye.

Even Esposito had to swipe his face more than once.

It wasn't long before their parents joined them, and Castle felt her tense slightly, the pain of what she was missing, hitting her a little harder than either one of them expected. He shifted his hand, so it splayed across her lower back, effectively pulling her tighter to him, and he felt her relax again. Her cheek rested against his, and he could feel her warm breath gliding across his ear.

"I love you." He murmured into her hair, feeling her smile against his skin.

She breathed out softly, her hand shifting to play with the hair at the back of his head. "I love you, too." She replied, nuzzling him slightly as he placed her left hand on his shoulder and linked his fingers behind her back.

They stood like that, swaying slightly to the music, lost in their own world, until the song ended and every one clapped. The emcee-slash-lead singer invited the remaining guests out onto the floor, and soon they were surrounded by their friends and family.

They stayed together, swaying slightly to their own personal music for three whole songs, until Kate's father tapped him lightly on the shoulder.

"Would it be okay if I dance with my little girl?" He asked, almost reluctantly.

Castle nodded. "Of course, Mr. Beckett." He stepped back slightly, kissed her cheek softly, and placed her hands in her father's. He watched Kate's eyes fill as her father hugged her tightly. The goofy smile he had worn for most of the evening softened as he watched his wife dance. She looked so happy and radiant; it gave him the greatest thrill to know that he was part of that.

"Penny for your thoughts, dear?"

He turned to find his mother standing next to him, a tender look in her eyes.

He smiled mischievously. "You might be old enough, mother, but you certainly don't want to know."

She tilted her head back, a short laugh escaping her mouth. "Oh, darling. If only _you_ knew." She shook her head. "She looks amazing." She said softly, tilting her head to the side.

Castle nodded. "She always does." He replied, eyeing his mother. He turned to her, offering out his hand. "Wanna dance, mom?"

Martha laughed again, shaking her head, and took her son's hands. "I certainly hope you were nicer when you asked your wife for her first dance."

"I didn't have to ask."

Martha looked at him knowingly. She had always sensed some kind of special bond between the two. She had picked up on it all those years ago when she had bailed him out of jail, and Detective Beckett had looked at them with such an amused expression.

"I'm going to say something to you, Richard, and you're not allowed to interrupt me. Okay?"

He frowned slightly, and nodded. "Okay."

"Of all our weddings put together, this is definitely the classiest. And if class is anything to go by, you two are going to be very happy, for a very long time."

He smiled softly. "That's how we wrote it." His eyes caught Kate's across the room, and his smile widened at the happy glint there.

_I Could Not Ask For More – Edwin McCain_

_**A/N:**__ So, this changed three times as I was writing, but I'm happy with the end result, as I hope you are._


	14. Sucker II

_**A/N: **__This isn't a continuation of the last one, this is different. I just took another line from the song…_

Sucker

"_You're more than just mad this time; you've got that look in your eye."_

She slammed the door shut and stormed over to the coffee machine, thankful that it was almost ten at night and there was no-one around. She would absolutely die of shame and embarrassment if any of her fellow officers witnessed any of this.

Glancing at the espresso machine Castle had brought years ago, she pondered the complications of using it while they were fighting. On the one hand, she really wanted a good coffee; on the other, they were fighting. She hadn't spotted him in nearly three hours, but knew that if she used it he would come bounding in.

Sighing, she grabbed a cup off the shelf, ignoring the messy scrawl on the side indicating it was Ryan's, and poured some of the crappy, generic coffee out of the percolator. Her hands shook slightly, and some of the brown liquid dribbled onto the counter. "Oh, for the love of the front door" she muttered, turning to gather a cloth to mop up the mess.

Her hands still shook twenty minutes later, when she went back to her desk. There was almost no point in still being there, the case had hit a dead end. But after their fight she didn't want to go to her empty apartment. She knew she would only work herself up even more. At least here she had the distraction of pretending to do paperwork.

She hated that he had the ability to make her feel this way. She had promised herself, after everything with Sorenson imploded, that she wouldn't let another guy make her feel like this. That she would walk away before she got hurt. But Castle had proved to be different. He had been so attentive, for so long, and things were moving along smoothly. She was part of his family. Alexis looked up to her, asked her advice and opinion and actually listened to the answer. Martha treated her like the daughter she'd never had, and helped guide her through her new found fame.

She closed her eyes tight, hoping that when she opened them again things would be better and she wouldn't feel like this anymore. She wished she didn't care so much about his words. That she could do what she had always done: brush them off with a smirk and a snarky line. But they were too far gone for that, and she knew, without knowing how, that things with them were never going to be the same again.

They had come far too far for that.

"Yo, Beckett. What're you still doing here?"

Her eyes snapped open and fell to Esposito, strolling through the bullpen, jacket slung over his right arm, hands stuffed in his pockets. "Hiding." She muttered in reply, shifting her eyes to her computer screen.

He nodded slowly and slipped into Castle's usual seat. "Whatcha hidin' from?"

She shot him a sideways glare and ignored the question. She was not, under any circumstances, going to bitch about Castle to Esposito. That would be an invitation for mockery beyond anything she had ever experienced. The looks the boys gave them when they stood too close were bad enough, without opening up about a stupid little fight.

"I think she's hiding from me."

They turned to see Castle poking his head around the edge of the murder board, looking slightly sheepish.

She shot him a dirty look, and turned back to her computer, completely ignoring both of them. This job was a whole lot easier before anyone's feelings got involved. Now, not only did she have to contend with memories of her own loss, she had to deal with his thoughtless comments. Who would have thought the tough detective would need reassurance on her mixed personal and professional life?

Esposito glanced between the two, cleared his throat and nodded to Beckett. "See you in the morning, boss." He muttered. Turning, he shot Castle an encouraging look and headed back out of the bullpen, hands stuffed deep in his pockets.

"I'm sorry." Castle murmured, sliding into his usual seat.

She shot him another look and pushed her chair back, snagging her coffee mug and heading back into the break room. She could hear him scrambling to catch up with her, and almost smiled. Almost.

"Come on, Kate. I apologised, what more do you want?"

"You don't even know what you're apologising for, do you Castle? You're just taking a wild stab at whatever and hoping to get close." She bit her lip and frowned at him, then shook her head. "I don't know why that even surprises me. You are, after all, a _writer_." She dragged the word out, hoping to inflict some pain back onto him. "That's how you go through life, making things up as you go along."

His mouth opened and closed and she was instantly reminded of the singing rubber fish in her dad's 'trophy' room. If she had been in a better mood, maybe it would have even been funny, and not simply annoying.

They stood looking at each other for almost a full minute, before she sighed and turned away. "Just go, Castle, I can't look at you at the moment."

Shaking his head, he stepped closer and took hold of her elbow. "I tried, Kate. I know you're angry at me for something, and I might not know what, but I manned up and apologised. I don't want to fight with you. But I'm not leaving until we sort this out. It's not fair on me, wondering what I did to make you so angry."

She spun around again, fire in her eyes and her voice scarily low like she was doing everything in her power not to explode at him. "You're such a jerk. I heard you, Castle. I heard you talking to Espo and Ryan." She placed her hands on her hips and adopted a deeper voice, mimicking his. "_Take a look at the smoking hot body on her. Damn, if only to be 25 again. God, I miss college_." She blew out a frustrated breath that made her bangs float and shook her head. "Sometimes I really wonder about you, Castle. I let you in, and every time I think we've taken a step forward in this relationship, you go and do something so completely stupid like that. Don't you ever think?" she spun away from him, intent on getting out of the precinct. Intent on getting as far away from him as possible.

But, she didn't count on him, throwing out an arm and catching her hand. His grip was tight, but she didn't really fight hard to get away. She wanted him to apologise, really apologise, to tell her she had it wrong.

"Kate, come on." she shook her head. He tugged gently and she turned, her face pointed to the floor. "Did you hear what I said after that?" she didn't reply, and that gave him the answer. With of soft sigh, and tender look, he continued. "I told them that as much as I missed all that, I wouldn't change what I have now for anything. That I'm far happier now, than what I ever was then."

She looked up at him, eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Really?"

He nodded, "Yeah, of course. Kate, this thing we have, I don't know how to explain it, but it's like nothing I've experienced before. I have a reputation, I know that, and sometimes I play to that rep, but I would never, ever do anything to risk what you and I have finally found. There is nothing in this world that would make me want to go back to the way we were, now that I know what it's like to have all of you."

She scoffed disbelievingly.

"For god's sake, Kate, I love you."

"I – you what?"

"I love you, Kate Beckett. I know I've said before that I'd fallen in love with a myriad of women, but never, ever, like this. I'm a butterfly drawn to a flame." He paused and took her hands. "I. Love. You."

She stood, frozen in front of him, her brain screaming, but her mouth seemingly sewn shut. Of course she loved him, too. She had loved him, at least the idea of him, for longer than anyone knew.

Castle smiled softly. "Look, its okay. You don't have to reply. I know I came out of nowhere with this, but I wanted you to know. I _needed_ you to know."

She cleared her throat, and found her voice. "I love you, too."

_Sucker – New Found Glory_

_**A/N: **__I said it at the start, but I'm gonna say it again. This has, well, nothing to do with the first "Sucker". I was listening to the song not long after I re-watched the first ep of season two, and then BAM! This happened._

_You're probably pretty lucky to be getting this, too. The powercord to my lap-top shat itself, and snapped. Luckily, I had some battery left in it, so I saved what I could onto a USB. I think there's one or two more that a finished, then the rest (like another 5) are half done. If I can get the time, I'll finish them and update as per usual. If not, I'm _**really**_ sorry and I'll update whenever I can._

_Cheers guys, you rock my socks off!_


	15. Your Guardian Angel

Your Guardian Angel

"_I will never let you fall; I'll stand up with you forever"_

He stood at the front of the room, jittering nervously, though he tried with all his might to hide it. The last thing he needed was Ryan and Esposito running back to her in a few hours time and telling her he was scared.

She would never let him forget it.

He had been waiting for so long for this day, that he thought he was going to explode if things didn't start happening soon. He knew it was the bride's prerogative to be as late as she wanted, but she was a woman like no other. She was rarely, if ever, late to anything and he had to wonder why she would start now.

He glanced across the aisle, to where _his_ daughter and _her_ best friend stood, muttering quietly. He saw Alexis' face light up with a Lanie comment and wondered what could possibly be so entertaining. As he looked at them, he realised their eyes were fixed to the back of the grand hall, and everyone had fallen silent. He could hear the opening notes of a classic Frank Sinatra number and knew it was time.

He's eyes followed everyone else's and his breath caught in his chest. She had never, ever looked more beautiful to him than she did in that moment.

Her hair was out in soft curls that floated around her face. He knew she had been debating back and forth between a simple head piece and a full veil, and was happy to see the head piece. The creamy white of the lace accentuated her natural skin colour, and he could see, even from this far away, that her green eyes sparkled more than ever before.

She walked toward him, her arm tucked securely in the crook of her father's, and he couldn't help the slight leer that crept into his face. In not too long at all, she would be officially his. As she got closer, he could see the intricate bead work in her dress, and sent up a silent thank you to the powers that be. The dress was strapless and clung to her upper body just so. It kind of reminded him of the first fancy dress he had ever seen her in, and as his eyes drifted over her again, he realised with a jolt that, save for a few minor adjustments (like colour for one), it was an almost exact replica.

She stopped in front of him, offered him a quick wink, before turning to her father and kissing his cheek lightly. He held out his arm for her father to place her hand on, and took a deep breath.

Cherries.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today, to witness the joining of this man, and this woman, into holy matrimony…" the rest of the speech faded into white noise as Castle breathed deeply.

If anyone were to ask him, in years to come, what he was thinking when they stood there, listening to the celebrant, he couldn't possibly give you an answer. So many things ran through his mind that he was struggling to keep up.

He could feel her soft fingers in his own, and the way she absently dragged her thumb across his skin.

He could smell her fruity shampoo, and the cherry body wash she (and by extension, he) loved so much.

He could hear his heart racing in his chest, and her soft breathing.

He could see the sparkle in her eyes and the soft smile that graced her lips.

And though his whole mouth was dry, he could very nearly taste her kisses.

"… Any objections to the union of this man and this woman, speak now, or forever hold your peace."

The room held their breath, daring someone to stand and object. After a few seconds, when no-body spoke up, the celebrant smiled brightly. "I love when that happens." He muttered, earning a grin from both Kate and Rick. The celebrant cleared his throat and shifted his eyes around the room. "So, with the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife." He paused as shifted his gaze back to the newlyweds. "You may now kiss the bride."

This was the part he had been waiting for. He was finally – _finally_ – able to kiss his wife, his best friend, his confidant. The kiss was slow and sensual, and it reminded him of those they shared during lazy Sunday afternoon movie marathons.

When they finally came up for air, he rested his forehead against hers, and smiled when he saw her eye-roll. The grin grew when he realised why she had done it; their guests had filled the air with the sound of juvenile cat-calls and wolf-whistles.

"I love you, Mrs Castle." He whispered.

She smiled. "I love you, too, Mr. Castle. But I'm keeping my maiden name. Could you imagine _two_ Castles at the precinct?" she rolled her eyes again. "One is more than enough."

He smiled softly. "Beckett-Castle it is, then."

She didn't bother arguing with him, simply leaning up to kiss him again.

_Your Guardian Angel – The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus_

_**A/N:**__ Still no luck of the gorram cord. But, I had a day to myself yesterday, and got a whole bunch of writing done (actually, little bits of writing on several different chapters... Internet kept distracting me, which is a whole other story...), so we're still good for at least another… 6 chapters. Hopefully, the cord comes before I run out! _

_Anyway, thanks for being feckin' awesome! I looove you lotsa!_


	16. Red Rover

_**A/N:**__ So, I'm trying something a little different here. I couldn't separate between three lines in the song, so I decided to just use all three. I'll underline the lyrics and hopefully it won't be too confusing. Cheers‼_

_**SPOILER(S):**__ that ad I watched on YouTube. ABC ran it, too, but wouldn't let me watch it properly. Quite good, and rather amusing…‼_

Red Rover

"_I'll continue to keep saying the things that I say,"_

"…in your dreams, Castle."

He shook his head. "Nope. In my dreams, you're usually wearing a tight, short, strapless red dress. You lean over the pool table, cue in hand-"

"Castle!"

He smirked slightly, but didn't turn his head to look at her. "Sometimes, we're at the precinct, and you're wearing the dark blue jeans, with the white decal and a tight, cherry red button down. You have the black boots with the stiletto heels and the tan biker jacket slung over your crossed arms." he flicked his eyes to her and noticed her hands were gripping the steering wheel just a little tighter than was necessary. His smirk changed into a small grin and he clasped his hands in an effort to _not_ reach out and touch her.

"Castle…" she started, knowing where that particular 'dream' was going.

His gaze shifted to her properly, and he smiled. "I'm sorry, it was a good night. You even said so yourself." He paused and swallowed. "Remember how the rain was falling? We could hear the pitter-patter on the window as we lay, tangled under that soft blanket on your couch. Though we both knew it was cold outside, neither of us wanted to move and get dressed."

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Castle. We can't do this. Not here. Not now."

He nodded and then he sighed. They'd had _that_ conversation. She would talk to him about how their relationship had shifted from being workmates to… whatever it was they were now. But she wanted to do it properly. Over a real meal, where she could dress up and he would hold doors open for her.

Normally, he would consider her words, before deftly going against whatever she had told him. This time, however, he had committed himself to proving to her that he could be the man she wanted.

It didn't mean he couldn't think about all the things he wanted to do to her when they were alone…

"Just so you know, Detective Beckett, when we have that _real_ conversation, we're going to that pool house over on third, and you're going to wear that red dress."

She snorted. "That's definitely only in your dreams, Castle."

"_We'll continue to keep playing the games that we play,"_

She sat on the edge of her desk, staring at the murder board. She had been sitting and staring for nearly a full hour. The coffee mug in her hand long empty, but she couldn't drag her eyes from that damn board. There was something about it that didn't quite fit.

"Penny for your thoughts, Detective?" a to-go cup of coffee appeared in front of her and she couldn't help but smile softly.

She took a sip, letting the warm liquid sit in her mouth for a few seconds, savouring the taste before swallowing. "The board."

Castle nodded and took a seat next to her, knowing by the look on her face that she had been thinking about their time-line. He let himself sit just that little bit closer than was normally socially acceptable. But, since when had they done anything by society norms? Their whole relationship, from the moment he started shadowing her, had been abnormal. Why correct it now?

He had, however, agreed to keep their burgeoning relationship under wraps at the precinct. Though, when they had agreed to minimal displays of affection at work, she had said nothing about the sneaky touches. Lingering fingers when he passed her coffee over. Thighs pressed together when they sat on her desk, elbows and shoulders brushing whenever they had the opportunity to get close enough without arousing suspicion.

"You're sure Lanie got the TOD right?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I already asked her to re-run it. She said even though the body was burnt, there was enough skin left to get an accurate reading." She sighed. "That's not what's bothering me about it. It's the boyfriend and the best friend."

He raised an eyebrow. "Hmm, how so?"

"Andie's dad and brother said the three, plus Rachel's boyfriend, were inseparable. They'd known each other since grade school, and suddenly, Rachel and Martin stopped coming around. Why?"

"Maybe… oh! I've got it!" she shot him a look. "No, wait, hear me out. When I was at my… 5th high school, one of the guy's parents went out of town for the weekend. So, naturally, the guy threw a party. Everyone got really, really drunk, and eventually a fight broke out. What if Jeremy and Martin got into a fist fight over something stupid? Or if the girls argued about something trivial like _'Penny Masterson told me that you said that I'm a cow'_?"

She rolled her eyes. "They were best friends since grade school, Castle. It doesn't work like that."

Castle shrugged. "Then I don't know. I mean, you said it yourself, they were best friends. What would stop them from hanging out?"

Kate's eyes flicked from side to side as she looked at a photo of the two girls on the board. "Boys." She whispered.

"What?"

"Boys. Girls fall out over boys. Castle, what if Andie and Jeremy hit a rough patch? What if she went looking for comfort from her best friend, but couldn't find her, and ended up in the arms of her best friend's boy. I mean, they're close, they've known each other for years, and it's not weird for them to hang out."

"Oh, but Martin's got a dirty little secret. He's only with Rachel 'cause she's friends with Andie. And all he's ever wanted was Andie."

She turned to face him, to add to the story they were spinning, but her breath caught in her throat at the tender look he was giving her. "Castle…" she warned, eyes shifting around the bullpen.

His hand found hers, wedged under her thigh, and he linked his fingers through hers, squeezing slightly. "I know, Kate, okay? But just let me have this one. Just this one moment."

She nodded slightly and he grinned in thanks, shifting his leg so their hands were hidden from everyone else.

"_And maybe, just this once, we'll work it out"_

The nights when she didn't have the brain power to fight with him to get him to go home early, were the nights when they found themselves getting dinner together at Remy's, around the corner from the precinct. That night was one of those nights.

They had finally closed a case that had had them on edge for the better part of two weeks. After following dead-end lead after dead-end lead, they'd stumbled upon some case breaking evidence in the diary of one of the victim's friends.

Turns out, some girls really _did_ kill for the boy.

"You okay?" she asked softly, reached out and tapping the table next to his hand.

He looked up, eyes tired, and shrugged. "Yeah. It's just… those kids were the same age as Alexis. I would hate for something like that to invade her world."

She smiled slowly. "Alexis is a better kid than they were. Are?" He tilted his head questioningly, and she continued. "Boys will always play a part in every teenaged girl's life. That's what it was like when I was her age, that's what it'll be like for your great-great-grand daughter." She chuckled lightly at his glare and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Castle, but that's the way it's always going to be." She reached out and stole some fries off his plate and popped them in her mouth, chewing slowly around her grin.

He sighed. "I know that, but I don't want to think about my little girl having her own little girl."

Her wide grin fell slightly, and turned into a shy smile. She didn't know what it was, but every time he said something sweet about being a father, it made her heart flutter in a way she hadn't ever felt before.

"We're gonna have a serious conversation now, aren't we?" he asked quietly.

She sighed and nodded. "I think it's well overdue, don't you agree?"

He reached out and took the hand hidden behind the bowl of fries in the middle of the table. "Kate, I have to be honest. I've waited this long for you; I can wait a little while longer. You know I want to give us a real chance, and that I would do anything to prove that to you. I just… I want you to know, that no matter what my history shows, I would never do anything to hurt you. Not intentionally. Hell, not only do you have to put up with me, but with my mother and my daughter. You get the whole package." He finished with a shrug.

"I'm not going to lie, Castle. The thought of that scares the living crap out of me." She saw his face fall and realised that her heart was falling with it. "But, on the other side of that coin, there's a sixteen-year-old girl who I fall more and more in love with, with every moment I spend with her."

Castle smiled widely. "She loves you too, you know. So does my mother."

"And I love them." She knew that it would be so easy for her to say it to him too, but they, technically, weren't even officially together.

"Kate, can I ask you something?" She nodded slowly. "If I were to ask you on a date, would you agree?"

Smiling shyly, she confessed. "I was kinda thinkin' this was a date."

His eyes sparkled dark blue and he grinned like a fool. "Good, 'cause I was kinda hopin' this was a date."

_Red Rover – The Scene Aesthetic_

_**A/N:**__ Yes, another Scene Aesthetic song... I like these guys __**almost**__ as much as NFG. Heehee._

_That bet? Almost done... Just adding the finishing touches. Hopefully I'll have it done, so I can post it next week... Fingers crossed. Anyway, you've heard enough from me. Go. Review. Or something?_

_Cheers =D !_


	17. In My Head

_**SPOILER(S):**__ Very slight mention of a line right at the start of Season 2 Episode 17: "Tick, Tick, Tick..."_

In My Head

"_In my head, you fulfil my fantasy"_

"We're going _where_?" she asked apprehensively.

He nodded, his eyes alight with laughter. "Rockefeller. Alexis has been bugging me for a couple of weeks to go with her, but I haven't had a chance, with the movie and all. So, I was thinking, that seeing as we had kind of planned to spend the day together, and I really want to go ice skating with Alexis, that we could mush it all into one."

She eyed him warily. She had no issue with spending time with him, with his daughter. In fact, she looked forward to Friday night movies with them, but this was different. This was in public. Every person they encountered was going to know that this was a (dare she even think it) family outing. While she had recently admitted to herself (and Lanie, after much pestering from the _delightful_ M.E.) that she could see herself with him – them – for the rest of forever, she hadn't even begun to formulate a plan as to how to tell him.

He stepped closer to her, almost pinning her between his body and the kitchen counter she had been leaning casually against. She could feel his warm breath caressing her cheek. It was a manoeuvre he had discovered early in their relationship that could almost guarantee her agreement in nearly every situation. He was yet to try it out in her squad car, but that was a whole other can of worms.

She tilted her head and looked in his eyes, shining the brightest blue with excitement. She could feel her worry slowly sliding away, and the grin spreading across her face. She sighed, and then conceded. "Fine, but only if you promise not to laugh."

He grinned and kissed her nose. "I make no such promise. But I will promise to hide any laughter from you. Deal?" he held out a hand for her to shake.

Rolling her eyes, she took his hand and dragged him close. "Deal." She murmured, and kissed him softly.

XXX

The air was cold, but it was the first day in a week that it wasn't absolutely terrible, so they decided to walk the few blocks to the ice rink. As soon as they had exited his building, Castle had planted himself in the middle of the two, firmly grasping Kate's hand in his own, and slung his arm around her shoulder, so their joined fingers rested somewhere in the vicinity of her heart. Alexis seemed to have taken some of his hyper pills, because she bounced along beside them in a way Kate had never seen from the girl before.

It didn't take long for the trio to get to the rink, and soon Castle was handing over money at the stall for her hire skates, and the three of them were stowing their regular shoes in a lock box for later.

She smiled softly as Castle took her hand in his once again, and led her out onto the ice, studiously sticking by her side as she remembered how it felt to glide around effortlessly.

She could see Alexis a few feet in front of them, turning every once in a while to check they were still behind her. She tugged gently, pulling him back toward her slightly. "Go." She whispered at his questioning eyebrow.

"What?"

"Go with Alexis. I'm fine on my own, Castle. I've skated my whole life. This is supposed to be your time with Alexis, and I'm taking you away from her."

He looked toward his daughter, as she spun slow, lazy circles out near the middle of the rink. "But I promised you I'd spend that day with you."

Kate shrugged. "There'll be other days for us, Castle. _I _promise. Now, go be crazy with Alexis, so I've got stories for the boys about how she is a _much_ better skater than you."

He grinned and kissed her soundly, before turning and tearing off after his daughter. "Alexis! I'm 'it'!" he called as he closed the distance between the two.

She loved these moments, when she got to witness just how good a father he really was. For all his stories and the reputation that preceded him, he was actually quite thoughtful when it came to his daughter. She supposed it was something every father did for their daughter. She could remember countless times, when she and her father had come here for their daddy/daughter day. When they would chase each other around and around the rink. She remembered one time, when it snowed, he'd chased her right to the edge, and followed her as she collapsed on her back in the snow and made snow angels. His had been ruined when he stood, but he made sure hers was perfect.

Fifteen minutes later, Castle and Alexis slid up to her, red faced and laughing.

"I think dad's getting too old for this game, Kate." Alexis beamed.

Kate snorted out a laugh, "Well, honey, he _is_ pushing forty." The sparkle in her eyes undid any real seriousness her face was trying to convey.

Alexis laughed and patted her dad on the back. "Maybe next time we should bring the oxygen tank, just in case?"

Kate snickered. "And a gurney."

"Hey!" Castle injected. "You made me promise not to laugh at you, so I think I can expect the same. Oh, and ha!" He said, pointing a finger at Kate. "And you. Don't think you're not too old to be grounded." He added, turning his finger on his daughter. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and pouted.

Kate rolled her eyes and reached up to pat his cheek softly. "We we're just having some fun, Castle. No need to get all sulky."

Alexis grinned and patted his other cheek. "Yeah, dad. There's no reason to sulk. Race you to the other end, Kate?"

Kate smiled as she let her hand drift from Castle cheek, to his shoulder, and down his arm to his pants pocket. She wriggled her fingers and slipped them into the warmth created by Castle's skin. She intertwined their fingers for a brief moment, squeezing gently, before sliding away and taking her hand with her. She winked at Castle, the turned to Alexis. "You're on. Winner gets to choose dinner?"

Alexis nodded. "Dad, you want in?"

He smiled warmly at the two women in front of him. Their smiles and the excitement in their eyes was almost identical, and he wondered how he had managed to find himself someone like Kate; and how he and Meredith had managed to produce someone like Alexis. He shook his head. "No, I think I'm still too tired from chasing you around. I'll meet you there." He nodded to the opposite end of the rink and watched as the two sets of eyes sparkled a little brighter.

Kate and Alexis looked at each other, and turned away from him.

"Ready."

"Set."

They paused, matching grins spreading across their faces.

"GO!" they hollered, before racing toward the end of the rink.

Castle watched as they slipped and slid away from him, reaching out for each other when they thought they were going to fall, and laughing when they did. He couldn't wipe the smile of his face, as Kate reached over to help Alexis up, and the red-head pulled her back down, collapsing into fits of laughter all over again.

He had always wanted this for Alexis, someone to laugh and be silly with. He knew he did a fairly good job of being ridiculous, but there was something about watching her laugh like that with the woman he loved that tugged at is heart.

That scene, 20 yards in front of him was everything he had ever dreamed of for his little girl.

Someone, other than him, to laugh and be silly with. Who knew what it was like to be a girl, and who could be serious and give advice if needed. Meredith had never been that person, and now he wondered if Kate knew what she meant to the Castle family. Not him alone, but to his daughter and his mother.

"I love you, Kate Beckett." He whispered into the air, grinning as he pushed off a little harder, wanting to get to them, his family, as fast as he possibly could.

_In My Head – Mayday Parade_

_(Because I like them better than Jason DeRulo...)_


	18. Crazy For You

_**A/N:**__ After the first 'Sucker' __**Tango Mike Charlie**__ put dinner on Esposito. I went into this holding out hope for Ryan. __**Tango**__, you put the idea in my head, this one's for you. _

_If you read it, you'll find out who wins‼_

_Also, this is set sometime after the first 'Sucker' (duh‼). _

Crazy For You

"_Trying hard to control my heart"_

It was late and dark in the bullpen, the area only being lit by a few lamps that the owner's of the desks had forgotten to turn off. Beckett's desk was one of those, but not for her forgetfulness. Beckett's desk lamp was still on because, once again, she was still working.

The case had been a tough one, and had taken each and every one of them to the edge of sanity. Not that they showed it. They hid behind their own brand of dark humour and did what they could to distance themselves from the horror of yet another murder.

That's why she was there, in the semi darkness. They all had their ways of dealing with the comedown from a case like this. For instance, she knew for a fact that Ryan would take Jenny out on a very romantic, very expensive date. She knew that Castle would talk Alexis into a movie marathon (she had been invited to several of them, and almost always went). And she knew Esposito would go to the local cop bar and sink beers with officers and Detectives that didn't deal in murder.

She had sent the boys, including Castle, home hours ago. Just because she wanted to sit and get her paperwork out of the way, didn't mean that they had to. And she knew that Castle would just sit there, watching her and annoying her, no matter how many times she told him to stop, or how many times she threatened to shoot him.

Before he left, they'd snuck into the emergency stair well, to say a private goodbye. It wasn't often that he managed to talk her into it, so he knew he had to make the most of his time now. With a soft kiss, he made her promise to not be there too late, and to stop at his house for a late supper. But that was almost four hours ago. She knew she had broken her promise, and that their late supper would be a _very_ late supper, but she had gotten on a roll and lost track of time.

With a sigh she clicked the save button on her computer and stretched her arms above her head.

"Now, that's a sight I could get used to greeting me every time I walk in here."

Her yawn turned into a smile as she watched him make his way to her. "Rick, what are you doing here?"

He shrugged and held up a brown paper bag. "As soon as I got home, I knew you wouldn't be there for hours, so I waited until I was sure you'd be done to come back down here."

She rolled her eyes and leant back in her chair comfortably as he took his seat at the end of her desk. He placed the bag on top of her desk and smiled. "Cute. Don't think you know me."

He smirked. "Oh, but Detective, I _do_ know you. I know you stood in line for an hour, waiting to get your book signed." He quirked and eyebrow. "I know, no matter how many times you tell me you've never posted on my fan board that you have, because you get the shifty eyes when I ask about it. I know that you like it when I kiss you here," he reached out and touched her neck, just below her ear. "And here." He shifted his hand and touched her collarbone.

She bit her lip and her eyes fluttered. "You're playing a dangerous game here, Castle. We agreed, remember? No PDA in the workplace."

He shrugged. "It's after midnight and there's no one around. And even if someone was, this place is so quiet at this time of night, we'd hear them coming. Which is another thing I know about you. You tell me no PDA, but when we're alone like this, you don't mind so much."

"Only because if we're here this late at night, I'm too tired to fight with you about it."

He snorted. "I know, when I tell you I love you, you're heart races, and, yep, you breathe just a little harder."

With a smirk, she pushed herself out of her chair and pressed her palms into his shoulders, leaning down so their faces were only inches apart. "I know when I tell you I love you, you get all gooey and drift off into some dream land, that you insist is nothing untoward, but you forget that I know how your mind works. And that for the last month you've been trying to figure out a way to ask me to move in. I know that it took Alexis' prodding, and watching us cook dinner two nights ago, for you to finally snap and ask."

His eyes were nearly crossed, as he did everything he could to keep them locked with hers. He knew he was fighting a losing battle when hers dropped to his lips, and her hand shifted to cup his face. She dipped her head just a little, and he could feel her warm breath flutter across his face. "I also know, Rick, that me being this close kills you, when you can't kiss me." And with that, she stepped back and sunk into her seat, dragging the brown paper bag with her. "What did you bring me?" she asked, opening it slowly, grinning from ear to ear.

XXX

He was a Detective; it was his job to observe people. But this, this was different. He didn't fell like the observant NYPD Detective. No, right now, he felt a hell of a lot like a voyeur. He turned and headed out of the precinct.

XXX

"Where're Beckett and Castle?"

Esposito looked up from his computer and jutted his chin "in with Captain Montgomery."

Lanie turned her head to look through the window. She could see the Captain sitting at his desk, his elbows resting on the dark wood, hands steepled in front of his face, his chin resting on the very tips of his fingers. From where she stood, he seemed to be listening very intently to whatever was being said.

"Know what it's about?"

Esposito shook his head, and then shrugged. "Could be anything, really. Isn't Castle due for more form signing soon? It'd have to be twelve months since the last time."

It was Lanie's turn to shrug as she looked back at the Detective. "I'm not sure. But, if it's okay with you, I'd like to stick around to find out."

Esposito grinned, then nodded. Reaching out blindly, he dragged Ryan's chair over to his desk and patted the cushion quickly. "I'm updating the ledger, wanna help?"

With a grin, Lanie slipped into the offered seat and leaned into him slightly as she read over his shoulder.

XXX

"The department technically can't tell you to stop. Hell, they can't even recommend you to switch divisions, as you _technically_ aren't a member. But, I will say this: I don't want it messing with the job. You two have a good thing going, here and at home, and I'd hate for one to ruin the other."

She nodded and glanced out of the corner of her eye to see him nodding too. "Yes sir." She muttered, glad to hear him echo her words.

She watched as her boss leaned back in his chair, eyeing them with a small smile playing on his lips. "So, it's serious, huh?"

Kate couldn't help the smile that formed as she twisted her head. "Yeah, pretty serious."

Castle shrugged. "It's been six months, Roy. Six. Last time I was in a relationship this long I was having my second wedding planned. We've only just moved in together."

Roy chuckled and shook his head. "I'm happy for you two, I really am. But, like I said, keep it as separate as possible. _Continue_ to keep the two as separate as possible."

They nodded again, Montgomery watch them for a moment. "Okay, get out of here. I'm sure you have some paperwork you could be doing, Detective. Castle, I need another word with you."

"Thanks, Sir." Beckett offered him a small smile, and turned to head out. She offered Castle a wink as their eyes met and in seconds she was pulling the door shut behind her, frowning as she watched Lanie and Esposito stare at his computer screen.

"Sit, Castle." Directed Montgomery and Castle sat, suddenly nervous at the older man's change of tone.

"I'm going to say this once, and once only." He paused, watching as Castle swallowed and nodded. "If you hurt her, there will be hell to pay. Understood?"

Castle relaxed slightly. "I understand, Captain. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I lost her due to my own stupidity."

Roy watched the younger man for a few moments, before standing and offering out his hand. "Glad we could have this little chat, Castle. Now, get out of here. I have calls to make."

Castle grinned and shook, then turned on his heels and followed Beckett's path to her desk. He slid into his usual seat, eyes drifting over her profile as he watched her work.

"So, what does this mean for our bet? We never did stipulate what we would do if someone else figured it out first."

Beckett's eyes never left her computer screen as she replied, "Technically speaking, the bet still stands."

XXX

Two days later, the team were sitting at their desks, throwing around a paper ball. All their paper work was done, and they hadn't caught a case yet. These were the times when Castle was at his worst. He felt a need to annoy absolutely everyone when he was bored.

"What date do I have in the pool?" he asked quietly, as they watched Castle and Beckett trade light jibs.

Papers shuffled on the desk, before the goods were unearthed. "Mmm, today. Why? You know something I don't?"

"Yeah. I know that money's mine."

"They have to tell."

"And they will."

"What?"

"Shh, and watch."

He tossed the ball, hitting Castle in the back of the head. At the writer's scandalised look, he shrugged. "Maybe if you weren't so busy making goo-goo eyes, you woulda seen it comin'."

He smirked at the worried look his friend shot his boss, and had to work hard to hide the surprise that crossed his features at her shrug.

"What are you saying?" she asked, eyebrow raised in challenge.

"I'm not sayin' nothing. I'm askin'."

"Asking what?"

He noticed how Castle sat a little straighter, and flicked a glance to Beckett. He didn't have the inclination to even want to follow that path. He cleared his throat and glanced around the bullpen, stepping closer to the couple. "Not here." He said, tilting his head to the break room.

Beckett sighed. "Seriously? Just ask. I already have to deal with one clown, I don't need another."

He shrugged. "Fine. Are you and Castle seeing each other?"

"Right now? No, I'm seeing you."

"Kate…" Castle growled.

"Fine. Beckett, are you and Castle dating?"

She smiled slightly and nodded. "Yes."

Emboldened by her admission, he went on. "For how long?"

"A little over six months."

"And it's serious?"

She glanced at Castle. "Yeah. Yeah it is."

"Huh." He nodded and turned back to Ryan. "You get that, bro?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, man, I did."

"Good." He turned back to the couple sitting in front of him. "You hurt her, and you'll have to deal with us, got it?" he asked, pointing a finger at Castle.

She rolled her eyes. The boys were being over-protective of her. But she knew it came from the right place, so she let it go without comment.

Castle nodded. "Yeah, I got it. Don't worry; I have no intention of hurting her."

"Good." He repeated, and then stretched out a hand. "About damn time." He muttered, shaking the older man's hand. He pointed to Beckett with a small smile, then turned and headed out of the bullpen, waving for Ryan to follow.

As soon as the boys were gone, Kate turned to Rick. "I think you just lost out on dinner. I'm thinking some place nice, where I can wear that new dress."

_Crazy For You – New Found Glory_

_(Madonna did it first. I like this version better… for obvious reasons. NFG‼)_

_**A/N:**__ Usually, I have the lyrics first, then the story. This one was the other way 'round. I hope it worked all the same. Cheers, guys, you're amazing‼_

_Also I wanna say thank you to a couple people:_

_Firstly, to __**AliasCSINYFriendsER**__ for being my twin and soulmate. For always writing back - even to the most random of PM's. You're an absolute legend._

_Secondly, to__** anonymous individual**__ for being my 100th reviewer. I've never gotten that many, you made my day._

_Thirdly, to __**Beckett NYPD**__ for almost always being the first to review (often only hours after I've posted). I'm pretty sure you've written something for every chapter, which is freakin' awesome!_

_Forthly (but not least) to every single person who has read/reviewed/favourited/alerted... Whatever. You're the reason I (and the other authors) write. You're amazing and I love you reaaaaaly a lot!_

_Cheers!_


	19. I Love You More

_**A/N: **__Yes, it was storming when I wrote this. Kinda where I got half the inspiration for this story. Enjoy‼ =D_

_**SPOILER(S):**__ Just general show, I think. _

I Love You More

"_I must have said the right things, because you instantly felt warm"_

The wind whipped up the streets between buildings, rustling trees and papers alike. The rain lashed at the windows and thunder rolled as the skies were lit up with lightning. But, for the two single occupants of the Manhattan loft, the storm raging outside didn't once distract them from the other.

The lights had been dimmed for their romantic, candlelit dinner. It was the 18 month anniversary of the first night they had succumbed to their mutual attraction. One year since they had first exchanged 'I love you's'. 11 months since he had asked her to move in with him and his daughter. 6 months since said daughter had headed off to college and left them to their own devices in the two story apartment. 3 months since Christmas. 2 months since they had finally closed her mother's case. And one month since Esposito and Lanie had announced their engagement.

In his mind, they were celebrating all that was good in the world.

He had planned to take her somewhere nice. Somewhere where she could dress up a little for him, but their most recent case had left them running themselves ragged for almost 3 full weeks. When it had ended, he had taken one look at her and decided that a quiet night at home would be far more beneficial for their states of mind.

So, he had banished her upstairs as soon as they had arrived home. He had kissed her forehead, swatted her butt as she wearily made her way up the stairs. Her heard her run a bath and waited almost two minutes, before taking her a glass of wine. She had smiled softly, her eyes full of a tenderness he would never, ever, get sick of seeing, and thanked him with a soft kiss.

She had ignored the slightly mischievous glint in his eye, knowing full well he wasn't going to burn the loft down. He was too tired to do anything remotely dumb enough to bring that about. After a long sip, she sunk down in the bubbles, breathing in deeply the cherry scent she loved so much, and closing her eyes.

She stayed there for forty minutes, feeling the bath water cooling and her skin pucker and prune. Sighing softly, she pulled the plug and climbed out, listening to the water gurgle its way down the drain as she towelled off and climbed into her comfiest pair of pyjamas.

Running her hand through her damp hair, she made her way down the stairs, searching for him. Halfway down she pulled up short. All the overhead lights were off, and only three candles sitting on their rarely used dining room table lit the open plan lower level. Whatever he had cooked smelled amazing and she followed the scent into the kitchen, resting a hip against the counter, smiling softly, as she watched him make their dinner.

"Hey," she murmured, walking over and running a hand across his back as she stood behind him, her chin resting on his shoulder.

With a small smile, he turned his head toward her and kissed her nose. "Hey yourself. Feel better?"

She nodded and shifted so the arm he wasn't using to stir wrapped around her shoulders as she snaked her own arms around his waist. "What are you making?" she finally asked, standing on her toes to look in a pot at the back of the stove.

He smirked. "You'll see." His hand drifted slowly down her back, causing goose-pimples to rise over her skin, as he moved to turn off one of the burners. She popped a cherry tomato in her mouth and chewed slowly as she wandered to the fridge, pulling it open and grabbing two beers out. She was about to open them, when he took them from her hands and shook his head. "Not tonight, Hon. We're drinking the good stuff."

With a raised eyebrow, he pulled down two fresh wine glasses and poured some wine out of the bottle sitting on the bench.

"What's the occasion?"

He shrugged. "Ending of a tough case?"

She smirked and nodded, before boosting herself up onto the island bench and continuing to watch him as he made his way around the kitchen. "Need a hand?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Not with this. You wanna set the table?"

"That one over there, with the candles, that I sometimes forget we have."

He grinned. "Yup. That's the one."

She shrugged. "Okay." Going with the theme he had set, she reached into one of the top cupboards and pulled out some of the good china and silverware. She placed them on opposite sides of the table and came back to his side. "How long?" she asked, eyeing one of the pots.

"Impatient tonight, Detective?"

She shook her head. "Not particularly. But, this does smell fantastic."

He grinned and nodded. "Five minutes. Can you stir this slowly for a second? I wanna check something."

She nodded and watched as he wandered into his office. He came back out a few seconds later, and paused at the stereo system, fiddling with buttons until she heard the soft strains of an old jazz number tumbling out of the strategically placed speakers.

"You're in an awfully romantic mood tonight, Rick."

He shrugged. "I just want to do something special for you. Our original plans got ruined, so I thought I'd do my best to make it up to you."

She smiled softly and caressed his cheek with her hand. "You being here would have been enough."

"You deserve more."

She knew it was pointless to argue with him when he got in one of these moods, so she simply smiled and kissed him softly. "Thank you."

"Oh, it's my absolute pleasure." He kissed her again, and turned back to their dinner. "Mmm, it's ready." He muttered. He turned the burners off and let it cool a little, before retrieving extra plates and serving their dinner up.

They sat in companionable silence, listening to the music as they ate. Their eyes meeting every so often across the table as they filled their stomachs.

"That was delicious." Kate remarked when she was done, leaning back in her chair and rubbing her stomach.

Rick grinned. "I'm glad you liked it. Would you like some more wine?"

She shook her head and glanced at her near empty glass sitting on the table. "No thanks. I don't think I can fit anything else in." She stood and went to gather his plate, when he placed his hand on hers. She lifted her eyes questioningly, and he shook his head.

"Leave them, Kate."

She eyed him, but sat back in her seat tiredly. She watched as he gathered their plates and deposited them in the sink, before returning to her side and offering her his hand. "I know you're exhausted, but I was hoping you'd share one dance with me."

She smiled at the hope in his eyes and nodded, taking his hand and letting him lead her into the middle of the lounge room. He quickly pushed the coffee table out of their way, and took her hands in his once more. They dance slowly around the room, before their steps slowed and they ended up simply standing in one place, swaying slowly to the music.

"I love you." He whispered into her hair, pulling her tighter against him.

She smiled and her fingers twisted their way into the short hairs at the back of his head. "I love you, too." She replied.

They stood there for a few more moments, when he stepped back and let his hands drift down her arms, to her hands. He looked into her eyes and took a deep breath, before slowly dropping down to one knee.

She gasped. "Shut the front door." Sucking in a breath, she whispered, "Rick...?"

He grinned up at her nervously. "I was talking to Alexis the other day and she was simply _astounded_ that I hadn't done this yet. She thought the minute Espo told me his plans to propose, I would be all over it. But I was waiting. I wanted this to be such a special night. I was going to take you out, wine you and dine you, and then talk you into a carriage ride through the park. I had my spot all picked out, by the carousel."

She smiled shakily and ran her free hand through his hair. "Rick…." She murmured.

He shook his head. "I had this whole speech planned, about how amazing you are, and how much I love you, and all this stuff that I realise is so clichéd and not us at all. So I've been thinking of some way to do this, to show you how much I love you, without making a massive deal over it all. Because while I know this is a massive deal –believe me, _I know _– we've both known for a long time that this is where we were heading. It was just a matter of time before I mustered up the courage."

"Rick…"

He shifted slightly, pulling the small box out of his pocket. "I love you, Kate, so much. And I find new ways to love you, every day. Would you do me the upmost honour, of becoming my wife?"

She tilted her head to the side, and smiled softly, before kneeling on the floor in front of him. She nodded. "Oh. My. God. Rick. Yes. Yes, I'll marry you."

She bit her lip and sniffled as his slightly shaking hand slipped the ring on her finger, the light bouncing around the room as her hand trembled under his gentle touch. He kissed her softly, caressing her skin with his fingertips. He didn't want this moment to ever end.

Eventually they pulled away, and her eyes found the diamond ring resting safely on her finger. "It's beautiful, Rick." She whispered, her bottom lip finding its way between her teeth.

He shrugged. "You deserve the most beautiful of things, Kate."

She smiled at his corny line, and leant forward to kiss him softly again. "I love you, too, Rick." She whispered before leaning forward to kiss him again, as what little light from the lamps flickered and died.

The power had gone out, but neither cared, because they were too wrapped in each other to notice.

_I Love You More – Mayday Parade_

_**A/N:**__ I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it._

_In case you were wondering, this went through the least amount of rewrites out of all the chapters I've written. I think I wrote it at midnight and, then went back the next night to check over it, and haven't looked at it again until now, when I've posted. I hope there aren't too many grammatical errors, but if there are, lemme know and I'll fix it._

_Thanks for being awesome‼_


	20. Hold Me

Hold Me

"_I might need you to hold me tonight"_

She rolled over and groaned at the sunlight peeking through the crack in the curtains. She always hated how the one day of the year when she would love nothing more than to stay huddled in bed, listening to rain on the windows, was always bright and sunshiny.

"Morning." He whispered his voice husky from sleep. He kissed her temple softly, the arm around her waist holding tighter and pulling her close.

"Morning." She replied her eyes fixed firmly to the strip of sunlight.

He snuggled closer and kissed the back of her head, behind her ear, letting his hand drift across her abdomen. She knew he wasn't looking for anything more than the warmth their naked bodies shared and she was glad for it. While their sex life was great, that morning was not one for some early nooky.

"What time do we have to meet your dad?"

She shifted her eyes to the red numbers on the night stand and did some quick maths in her head. "Not for another few hours. I told him ten, and its only 6:30 now."

She felt him nod his head and they lapsed into silence, their thoughts miles away. She hated this day with a passion. It was a day that shouldn't have to be remembered. This day should not exist, other than it being one that ended in 'y'. This date shouldn't mean anything to her, or to her father. It should simply be another day on the calendar. Another day to be crossed off, waiting for something special to happen.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked hesitantly.

She shrugged and sighed. "I don't know." It was the twelfth anniversary of her mother's murder and she still wasn't able to completely understand her feelings towards it all. No matter how many hours she had spent in therapy, she still felt like she couldn't close it off. The perpetrator had been caught, but there was still the lingering question of _why_? She wasn't sure if she was ready to open that door again, sifting through what little was in that file. She knew he would help her every step of the way, but would it be enough to keep her from falling off the edge?

"You know you can talk to me, and I won't be a jack-ass or a smart-ass about it. Scout's honour."

She smiled softly and even laughed a little. "But, Castle, you were never a scout."

"Oh, I forgot about that. But I promise; I wouldn't. Your little Nikki Heat act last week? That's practically begging to be made a mockery of. But this… this is different."

She rolled so she could look at him. "_My_ Nikki Heat act? You're the one that suggested it. You begged for it, remember?"

He kissed her nose and shrugged. "I'm a man."

"That's sometimes debatable"

"We're always begging for something."

"Yeah, usually a smack across the head." He opened his mouth to retort again, but she silenced him with a kiss. When it broke, she looked up at him through her lashes, knowing it drove him crazy. She patted his cheek affectionately. "You might be a pain in the ass, Richard Castle, but I love you anyway."

He rolled his eyes theatrically. "Thank god for that."

XXX

Her father was waiting to the left of the wrought-iron gates when they rolled up a little after 10. His head was bowed and his hands were stuffed deep into the pockets of his jeans. Even though the sun's rays were warm, he stood as though it was the middle of winter and he was freezing.

Castle pulled the car to a stop behind a big, black SUV and turned the engine off. He watched Kate, watching her father, and wished (not for the first time) that there was something he could do to help ease their pain.

She squared her shoulders and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, before turning to look at him. "Are you sure you don't want to come?"

He nodded. "Yeah. You and your dad need this time together. I'll wait here."

She shot him a look, slightly peeved that when she actually _wanted_ him to stay in the car he couldn't seem to do so. Then she shrugged. "Okay, I won't be too long."

Castle smiled softly, "Take all the time you need."

She unbuckled her seatbelt and leant across the centre console to kiss him softly, before pushing the door open with her foot and stepping into the sunlight.

Her dad looked up just as she stepped up onto the curb. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and moved forward as she reached him, encircling her in a hug. "Hey, honey."

"Hi daddy," she mumbled into his shoulder.

He looked over her head at Castle still in the car. Both men raised their hands in a half wave. "Is Rick not joining us?"

She shook her head and turned slightly to look at him. "No. He said we should do this together. I guess he's right." She added with a small shrug.

He nodded and turned so they were now facing the gates to the cemetery. With his arm still around her shoulder and her's around his waist, they slowly wound their way through the rows of headstones.

Their murmured conversation died out as they got closer and closer and soon they were standing six feet away, directly in front, reading the weather worn lines on the black marble.

"_Here lies Johanna Beckett._

_Beloved and cherished wife and mother._

_Missed forever, forgotten never."_

They had been here so often that she didn't have to look at her father to know that silent tears ran down his face. They were running down her's, too. They stood, staring at the picture on the headstone, their silent thoughts telling Johanna all about their lives since the last time they'd been there.

Kate knew her father was telling her mother that he had gone another year sober. And that he couldn't manage to keep her garden the way she liked it, but had tried his hardest. He would be telling her all the gossip from the neighbourhood. She was halfway through telling her mother about another ridiculous argument that Esposito and Ryan had gotten into, when her father blurted "Katie's got herself a boyfriend."

Kate's mouth dropped open in shock. In all the years, when they stood there in each other's arms, they had never spoken a word. That is, until today.

"Dad!" she hissed eyes shifting around.

"What? We always do this silently. We should be talking to each other and to your mom. If she were alive today, you wouldn't hesitate to say things in front of me. Why should it be any different?"

Kate spluttered and tried to come up with an excuse. "There are plenty of things I tell her that I wouldn't say in front of you. Stuff about, you know, things only other women can relate to."

"If you mean your sex life, then fine. But I'm pretty well versed in most of the other stuff. I helped to raise you, didn't I? Besides, I want to hear you explain Rick to your mother."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Fine." She took a breath and glanced at her father, who nodded. "I met someone, mom. He's… he's like no other man I've ever known. He's a writer – a famous one – that started shadowing me at work. He said it was research for a new series of novels. But as time's gone on, he's become part of the team. I don't think we'd solve as many cases as we do as quickly. He has a daughter, Alexis, who is the most beautiful and down to earth seventeen-year-old I've ever met." Kate lowered her eyes to her hands and choked back tears.

"I'm getting married next winter, mom." She jiggled her leg, willing her tears not to fall. "I wish you could be here for it. To help me get everything together and ready." She felt her father's arm tighten around her shoulder. "I know you'll be there, somehow, watching over us as we take that leap. God, I wish you were here." She shook her head and kissed her fingertips before stepping forward and placing her palm over her mother's name. Without another word she turned and walked to the end of the row, her eyes blurry and unfocussed as her father said his final few words and followed her steps.

He came up beside her and pulled her into a hug, letting his tears roll down his cheeks.

Castle sat in the car, watching the two. He once again wished there were something he could do for them. As they started to head toward him, he could see them talking, and the small smile that played around Kate's lips and realised, that by letting them have their time, he had done more than he would be able to otherwise.

_Hold Me – Savage Garden_

_**A/N:**__ I know it wasn't the exact Caskett you're used to, but I hope you liked it all the same. Sometimes my brain does weird things. Like this. _

_As always, reviews are most appreciated. And, if you notice any errors, lemme know and I'll fix it up._

_Cheers‼_


	21. Can't Stop, Gotta Date With Hate

_**SPOILER(S):**__ Slight reference to season 2, episode 6: '_Vampire Weekend_'. Its one line (not really even that!), I promise.  
__Also, there's a slight reference to a line in '_Heat Wave_'. But I'm sure you'll know it when you see it._

_**A/N:**__ Please note the changed rating. I upped it... *smirk* Anyway, enjoy =D_

Can't Stop, Gotta Date With Hate

"_Don't you wake me up I don't want this dream to end"_

The room was bathed in the soft light from the open curtains, and, not for the first time, she was grateful for the fact that she lived on the fifth floor. Yeah, it was a pain in the ass when the elevator was broken, but none of the buildings around hers were that tall, so there was very little chance anyone would peak in.

Which, given their current position, was a good thing.

The bed creaked and groaned under their weight, but neither seemed to notice. And even if they did, they didn't care. It had been a long time coming, their union into one. Some might say that their bickering and arguing was simply strung out foreplay. Others would say that it was a mating ritual. It didn't matter what they said, really. All that mattered was the fact that they were there. There, in her bed, together.

He pulled his lips from hers and kissed along her jaw line, nipping and sucking at the soft skin. He was careful not to leave a mark, knowing she would kill him if he did. For all his silliness, he was actually pretty thoughtful.

That and he knew if she didn't kill him, she would definitely never speak to him again. Ever.

His mouth travelled further south, finding the soft mounds of her breasts. How he loved her breasts. This was only their first night together and he knew they were going to be his favourite part of her body. As he sucked on the supple skin, he heard her sigh, and raised his head slightly to look at her.

"You're very good at that, you know." she stated. Not a question, but a fact. She was good with facts.

He smiled. "Oh, I'm good at a lot of things, Detective Beckett." He murmured, making sure his lips were lightly touching her as he spoke.

She grinned, and tilted her head, inviting him back up to her mouth. Eagerly, he complied, capturing her lips in a long, hot kiss.

She shifted slightly, allowing him access to her lower regions. Kissing her harder than he had all night, he ran a hand down her side, smiling at her involuntary shiver and slight wriggle.

He paused and pulled back, looking deep into her eyes. "God, you're beautiful." He whispered.

She smiled. "Nikki Heat beautiful?"

He shook his head. "No, she has nothing on you. And I wrote her. You're just… you're you."

Her smile grew, her green eyes twinkling in the dim light. She bit her lower lip, trying her very hardest to stifle the moan that wanted to escape as his fingers danced along her inner thigh. He could feel the heat and the wetness in the apex of her legs and he let his pointer finger slip inside her.

Her breaths hitched, and she squirmed, trying to force the friction she was so desperately after. She groaned as his grinned wickedly and slowly pulled his finger out, dragging his hand up, and across her stomach.

"God, Kate." He murmured, leaning down and kissing that spot where her neck and her shoulder joined to make a small hollow. He grinned as he felt her head tilt just slightly, offering him better access, and he made his way along her milky white skin, under her jaw.

Her hands fluttered and danced along his arms, and over his shoulders and around his back, causing goose pimples to rise over his body. He kissed her fiercely in an attempt to slow down the feeling deep in the pit of his stomach. He didn't want to get there before her. He wanted her to go before him, but if they kept going like this, it was going to be over and done with very, very, soon.

Shifting his mouth, he kissed along her cheek and jaw, before slowly making his way back along her neck and to her chest. Her head pressed back into the pillow as she arched her back, trying to feel more of his lips across her breasts.

"Oh, Castle." She moaned, her hands twisting themselves in his hair in an effort to keep his mouth exactly where it was. She felt his smile slowly spread across his face and she had to do everything in her power to stop another moan from escaping.

His teasing kisses slowed and he made his way back up to her face, kissing her eyes and cheeks, before placing a long, slow kiss to her lips. "If you were to bring out the Frank Miller line now, I think I would die."

She grinned down at him and bit her lip, his hips moving against hers slowly, physically telling her what he couldn't seem to put into words. Her mind flashed back to a case from only the year before, and she remembered the scene he was speaking of. She contemplated teasing him, but given the current proximity, she thought better of it. If she started teasing him like that, then he would tease her back, and she would most likely explode with desire.

She didn't want that to happen when they were finally in this place.

She could feel herself coming to pieces with even the slightest touch, and for the first time in her life, she wasn't scared. She didn't want to be guarded and standoffish with him, not when he was making her feel so many wonderful things all at once. He was the only one that had ever made her feel this way. If she was Nikki Heat, then he was most definitely Jameson Rook; lately, it had been simply a look from Castle that had her heart racing impossibly fast.

Weeks and weeks and weeks ago something had shifted indefinitely. It may have been a chaste kiss on his cheek as she bid him goodnight, after another Friday night movie, but it was the meaning behind the kiss that was so important.

She would be forever grateful that he picked up on it.

He had tried for a few days to get her to return, but she had already planned to go upstate with her dad and visit family. She would only be gone a few days, but she already knew she would miss his constant presence.

After she got back, they had been inundated with cases. She didn't know what it was about the early spring that made people snap like that, but, without fail, her caseload always jumped as the weather warmed.

As summer approached he became more and more insistent that they finish what she started that Friday, so long ago. After three straight days of asking at every opportunity (he may or may not have called her once or twice when he just _knew_ she would be at her most relaxed), he finally got her to agree on a time for dinner.

It was a real date, and he took her to a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant that he often frequented with Alexis and Martha. He was rarely bothered by the other patrons, and she was glad that their first official date went by without a hitch.

He had walked her home, the warm night begging for company. He had kissed her softly at her door, before waiting on the outside for the locks to catch. She watched him through the peephole, until she was sure he was far enough away for her to unlock the door and watch him as he headed toward the elevator. She grinned to herself when he turned and offered her a small wave, before the doors to the elevator opened and he was in there and on his way home.

That was three dates ago. This was their fourth. She had always had a rule with herself, not to sleep with a suitor before the forth date. She hadn't told him this, but he seemed to have known, having not even mentioned anything about the sexual side of their relationship.

But, here they were, after a delightful dinner at her favourite Greek restaurant, tangled together on her bed. Talking in soft murmurs and moans; hands and lips free to explore each other. After four dates they had finally made it here.

"What are you thinking?" he asked softly, his lips trailing along her collarbone as his hips pressed into her again. She tilted her head invitingly as she arched her back, wanting – no, _needing_ – to feel more of him.

She let out a light moan and bit her lip, as his hands trailed down her sides and his fingers hooked in her panties, dragging them down her thighs. "I'm thinking this is the best forth date I've ever had."

Castle smiled. "Want to hear a secret?"

She nodded quickly as he shifted so he was hovering with his head against her entrance. He pushed into her, and smiled as she lifted her hips, taking him deeper. They found their rhythm quickly, and before he knew it, his secret was forgotten as he thrust into her. She could feel the fire burning in her belly and wanted nothing more than to topple over that edge with him.

"Tell me." She hissed her words chopped as her hips tilted of their own accord, changing the angle and sending a fresh wave of tingles over her skin.

"Every date with you has been the best date I've ever been on. There's something about you, Katherine Beckett that gets my heart all a flutter."

She smiled. "Oh, Rick, if only you knew. If only you knew." She replied, before kissing him hard on the mouth and tilting her hips, bringing them to that edge, and flying over together.

As they lay there in post coital bliss, she realised that he was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, her one-and-done.

_Can't Stop, Gotta Date With Hate – Lost Prophets_

_**A/N:**__ Sooo, what did we think? As usual, any grammatical errors, let me know and I'll fix them ASAP. Cheers!_

_****__ALSO:__ As of Tues 16th November, I fixed some small errors. And fixed the rating. Someone forgot to click 'save changes'. =D Thanks again, guys!_


	22. I Wanna Know What Love Is

_**EDIT:** Fixed a couple things, like WHO SANG THE DAMN SONG FIRST! .. I looked it up and everything, and still got it wrong! Sorry about that!_

_**A/N:**__I've discovered that every few chapters I try something different. This is no exception. Flashbacks in italics.  
__I'm really rather fond of this one. I hope it makes sense! Also, it's, like, a billion pages long (10 in Microsoft Word). Not even joking! Get comfy!  
Oh, one other thing: **SMUT/SEXY TIME**! That is all._

_**SPOILER(S):**__ General show, I think? And, Chapter 11: Beauty In The Breakdown (we follow on from there)._

_Enjoy! =D_

I Want To Know What Love Is

"_...I want you to show me."_

The muzak in the elevator had long since faded into white noise, not that either of them had actually noticed it anyway. They were far too wrapped up in each other to notice much of anything.

Dinner had gone off without a hitch, and they were both grateful that the restaurant that promised its patrons an uninterrupted meal delivered. It wasn't the typical hole-in-the-wall place that he usually took her to. It was one of New York's newest (and not to mention, expensive and very, very hard to get into) eateries. She would swaer up and down that Nicole Richie was sitting three tables away with her rock-star husband.

But, now? Now they were tangled together in the elevator up to his loft. Lips seemingly glued together, hands sneakily roaming. Though it was a public setting, and she knew it was so unlike her, she didn't want to stop.

Not now. Not in a few minutes when they reached his floor. And more importantly, not for the rest of her life.

XXX

_Their dinner had, surprisingly enough, gone smoothly after their talk. Once all the nerve-wracking, potentially heart-breaking and dream-shattering revelations had been made, they slipped back into their usual banter and chatter._

_And, before they knew it, they'd finished their dinner, their drinks and their dessert. _

_She laughed lightly as he told her yet another story of his mischievous teen years, and idly looked around the room. They were the only customers there. She wondered when everyone else had left, and flicked a casual glance to her watch._

_11:45_

"_Damn." She murmured, eyes drifting up to meet his. She smiled apologetically. "It's nearly midnight. Shouldn't this place have shut hours ago?"_

_He shrugged. "Depends. When there's a sports game on, they stay open for the after-game rush."_

"_And when, like tonight, there isn't?"_

_He shrugged again. "Maybe they like us?"_

_She rolled her eyes with a smile. "C'mon, Castle. I've gotta be up early. Walk me home?"_

_He grinned. "I'll do you one better; I'll drive you."_

_She smiled at his enthusiasm, and went to visit the powder room as he squared away their bill. They'd already had the argument over who was paying, and he'd eventually worn her down by saying _"it'll make up for me getting you here under slightly false pretences".

_When she returned, he was standing by the front door, his jacket on and hers resting over his arm. Without preamble, he opened it and held it, so she could slip her arms in. Automatically, he rested his hands on her shoulders for a few seconds, before letting them drift lightly down her arms._

"_Let's get out of here." He took her hand in his own, and practically dragged her down the street to his parked Mercedes._

_When they pulled up to the curb in front of her building, he nervously twisted in the driver's seat to face her._

_Without looking to him, her fingers twisted around themselves. "I had a really great time tonight, Castle." She hesitated. "Uh, I mean, Rick."_

"_I'm glad." He replied quietly. He cleared his throat and she looked to him. "Can I, uh, walk you up?" he gestured with his hand to the building and her head turned to look at it. With a small smile, she met his steady gaze._

"_I'd like that."_

_He grinned and turned the car off, hitting the button to unlock his seatbelt, and before she knew it, he was around her side of the car, pulling the door open and offering her his hand._

_Rolling her eyes with a smirk, she took it and let him help her out. He pushed the door shut and hit the 'lock' button and, with their hands still joined, followed her to her steps. She knew he was going to try and insist on walking her all the way to her third floor apartment. A part of her liked that idea, but an even bigger part of her knew that if they got to that threshold, there was no telling how far they would go. And she didn't want to rush this._

_While they had already done _that_, she wanted to be wooed by the self confessed ladies man._

_She reached the top step, him one behind her, and she stopped. She turned to look at him, her free hand resting gently on his chest, and she knew he knew._

"_Three more dates." He murmured, pulling her closer._

_She nodded. "Three more dates." Her words were slightly breathless as her whole body reacted to his close proximity and the memories of that night, all those weeks ago._

_His breath hitched slightly, as the hand that was on his chest slowly snaked its way toward his shoulder. Her eyes flicked to his lips, and she unconsciously licked her own._

"_Kate," he whispered, his breath warming her face._

_She nodded. "Yeah, Castle?" Damn. "Rick?"_

"_I'm going to kiss you now."_

_The corners of her mouth quirked slightly and she nodded quickly. "Okay." She breathed and closed her eyes as his mouth slanted over her own._

XXX

The elevator dinged merrily, signalling their arrival on his floor and he thrust an arm out in effort to prevent the doors from closing before they'd managed to extract themselves enough from each other to exit the small space.

Without breaking their lip contact, she grabbed his shirt and dragged him out, twisting so that with their momentum, he slammed his back against the wall.

"Kate," he groaned, tugging her closer, so their bodies were flush.

"Shut up, Castle." She whispered, and promptly sucked his bottom lip between her own.

XXX

_She threw her head back in a laugh, her whole face alive with happiness. "You didn't."_

_He nodded, his own face shining. "I did. It was one of my finer moments, I must admit."_

_She snorted in a most un-lady-like fashion and glanced around the restaurant. She had initially been nervous about this date. He had told her that this was one where she would be able to dress up. Where she could wow him with her vast arsenal of womanly wiles. Where he could start the wooing. Where they would be out in public, but completely left alone._

_Their laughter died and they found themselves simply looking at each other across their dessert plates and wine glasses._

"_Have I told you, you look amazing tonight, Kate?"_

_She smiled softly and nodded, a faint blush creeping across her features. "You may have said something to that effect, but a girl likes to hear it."_

_He grinned. "Then, let me tell you again. Kate, you look absolutely amazing."_

_She ducked her head as the slight pinkness on her face turned into a bright red. This was their second date. Officially, they had only just started down this path of romance and feelings, but, after that night weeks ago, there were lingering memories that, no matter what she did, she couldn't seem to erase._

_Not that she wanted to erase them for good. She just wanted them out of the way, while they navigated their way through this new part of their relationship. Because, as much as she had enjoyed that night, those memories were as distracting as hell._

_For the first time, since her mother's death, she couldn't seem to put all the things she didn't want to think about away in that box in her head._

XXX

"Is Alexis home?" she breathed out, her lips ghosting over his cheek toward his neck.

He shook his head.

"Martha?"

Again, she was answered with a shake of his head.

Pulling away slightly, her fingers wound their way into the lapels of his jacket. With a wicked grin, she dragged him toward the door.

Even with her lips kissing and sucking at every inch of exposed skin, he managed to get the door open quickly.

"It's a good thing Alexis and Martha aren't home." She whispered, sucking his earlobe between her lips and gently nibbling at the soft skin.

After a moan, he raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"I don't think I can wait 'til we're in your room."

He grinned and hoisted her up, her legs automatically wrapping around his waist as he headed for the couch.

XXX

_She was nervous, and she hated being nervous. It made her hands shaky and clammy and her throat constrict damn near painfully. Her voice squeaked out a thank you to the cabbie as she handed him a tenner and her eyes rolled at her own silliness._

_This was supposed to be the easiest of all their dates._

_It wasn't as if it were the first Friday night she would be spending there. Hell, it wasn't even the first night this week she had been there. But, knowing that this was their third official date, that the next one would more than likely end with one of them sleeping over at the other's apartment... let's just say she had her proverbial running shoes packed._

_A small smile graced her lips as Charlie, the door man, opened said door with a wide grin._

"_Evenin' Miss Beckett."_

"_Hey, Charlie." She replied; glad to hear that her voice had returned to normal. "How's your day been?"_

_He grinned lopsidedly and offered her a small shrug. "Same ol', same ol'. Mr Castle came through about an hour ago, with young Miss, yammering about pizza and a movie. They were talkin' so fast, I could barely understand. But, seein' you 'ere, it all makes sense."_

_Her small smile turned into a shy grin as she felt her cheeks warm slightly. "You have a good night, Charlie."_

_He nodded with a wink. "I sure will, Miss Beckett. You, too."_

_She returned his nod and headed off to the elevator around the corner. She sighed as she leant against the wall. Her nerves were still running a mile a minute, but the happy greeting from the doorman made her realise that maybe she wasn't as separated from this world as she thought._

_..._

_She had barely raised her hand to knock when the door swung open to reveal a red-headed teenager. "Kate! Hello!" Alexis reached out a hand and grabbed the Detective, dragging her into the apartment. "Dad! Kate's here!" she called, her head tilted back. "He got a sudden spurt of inspiration and went into his office to write. You can go in there, if you want?"_

_Kate grinned and shook her head. "As much as this is a date for your father and I, this is also an opportunity for me to hang out with you. So, while your Dad actually does his job," she rolled her eyes, "we can catch up. How's school going?"_

_Fifteen minutes later, when Castle _finally _emerged from his office; he found the two of them sitting at the counter, glasses of water in front of them as they chatted about the happenings of Alexis's high school._

"_So, we ready?" he asked, walking over and resting his hands on Kate's shoulders._

_She turned her head slightly and nodded._

"_I already ordered the pizza, Dad. It should be here soon. Oh, and Gram called. She said that we shouldn't wait up for her."_

_He nodded. "So, all that's left to do is pick a movie." His eyes shifted from his daughter's face, to Kate's and he raised an eyebrow invitingly._

_She shook her head. "Not a chance, Castle. I chose last time and you complained the whole way through. It's your turn."_

"_But I hate making these decisions." He whined._

_Alexis rolled her eyes. "How about I choose?"_

_Castle looked at her, a mock frightened expression on his face. "Please not '_Twilight'. _Please not '_Twilight'_."_

_Alexis grinned. "Don't worry, Dad. Sparkling vampires aren't really my thing. How about the first _'Underworld'_?"_

_Castle looked to Kate, who grinned and nodded._

"_Cool, I'll go set it up."_

_When Alexis had left the room, Castle leaned forward and captured Kate's lips in a soft kiss. "Hey." He murmured, kissing her again._

_Her hand instinctively went to the back of his head, keeping him close. "Did you finish what you were writing?"_

_He nodded, lips brushing hers yet again. "Yeah, and I'm sorry I kept you. I didn't want to be distracted for our movie night."_

_Kate shrugged. "It's okay. It gave me a chance to chat to Alexis. Relive my high school days a little bit." She smirked at his slightly worried expression, and placed her hand on his cheek. "Don't worry; I wasn't giving her any ideas."_

_He chuckled softly, and pulled away when the door buzzer rang._

"_I'll get it!" shouted Alexis from the lounge room._

_..._

_Two and a half _'Underworld'_s, a pizza and a bowl of ice-cream later, found the trio still in the lounge. Though, it was debatable as to whether any of them were actually still watching._

_Alexis had fallen asleep halfway through the second movie and Castle didn't have the heart to wake her. Midway through the first, Kate had curled herself against Castle's side, claiming that she was cold. Though she refused to let him up to get a blanket. Just their close proximity had him distracted, and with every inhale, all he could smell were cherries._

"_I should get going." She whispered, snuggling her head into his shoulder more._

_He chuckled and ran a soft hand up and down her arm. "Are you sure you don't want to say here?"_

_She hesitated for a second, before nodding slowly. "You know our deal, Rick."_

"_Nothing has to happen. I'll sleep right here on the couch, and you can have my bed."_

"_Firstly, I'm not going to kick you out of your own bed, no matter how honourable your intentions. And, secondly, when we _do_ sleep over, I would really like to fall asleep in your arms."_

_He grinned widely. "What?"_

_Twisting her neck, she looked up at him. "You and your selective hearing."_

_He smirked and lowered his head, kissing her softly. "You're really going to go?"_

_She nodded and kissed him again. "Yeah. But I had a really nice time tonight." She sighed and her gaze flicked to where Alexis was snuggled into the recliner. "She's an amazing kid."_

_He gaze followed hers and he nodded in agreement. "She thinks you're pretty amazing, too. Actually, we all do."_

_Kate smiled and turned her eyes back to Rick's. "One more, Rick. One more."_

_He nodded._

XXX

Rick lowered his head and kissed along her naked collarbone, remembering their previous night of passion, and knowing all the places that would make her squirm.

He remembered that if he kissed her in _just_ the right place under her jaw, she would let out a breathy sigh.

If he nipped at her pulse point with just his lips, she would groan.

Running his tongue over the hollow between her clavicle and shoulder muscles brought out a moan.

And, if he clamped his teeth around her nipple, her hands would fly to the back of his head, holding him there, as she arched up into him.

"Castle... Rick..." she panted, pressing her head back into the arm of the couch.

Without removing his mouth from her breast, he looked up at her. Her eyes were half closed, and her lips slightly parted, her cheeks a pretty pink colour.

"Hmm?" he hummed against her, almost smiling as she arched again.

"... Kiss...ooh... me."

XXX

_He fidgeted in the back of the cab the whole way to her apartment to pick her up. He fidgeted the whole way to the fancy-pants restaurant. Throughout their dinner, he hid his fidgeting by telling her more stories of his wild adventures._

_He told her stories of the people he had met while his mother dragged him all over the country while she acted._

_He told her stories of the places he an Alexis had promised each other they would visit when they grew up._

_He told her stories that he completely made up; stories that were half truths; and stories that were completely honest, but that she still didn't quite believe._

_But, mostly, he told her their story._

_He told her, without telling her, about his hopes and dreams for the future. About what he would change in his past, were he given the chance. He told her why his marriages had broken down, and why he had sought comfort in strings of meaningless relationships._

_And, he did all of this, without even saying a word._

_She knew he could read her, simply by looking hard enough, and long enough, in her eyes. And the same was true for her. When they were sitting across from each other like this, when there were no distractions to get in the way, she could cold read him just as well as he had read her during that first case._

_He could talk and talk and talk, and spin as many wild and wonderful stories as he wanted, but when it came down to it, he was exactly like her; a hopeless romantic at heart._

"_Wanna know something I've never told anyone?" he asked, leaning forward across the table._

_With a smile, she nodded. "Is it the truth, Castle?"_

"_Oh, it's better than the truth."_

"_Really? What could be better than the truth?"_

"_The fact that every time I get to take you out or even if we're just at home, my heart races and I feel like I'm never going to catch my breath. Because that's what you do to me, Kate. You make me breathless."_

_Truth was, he wasn't even exaggerating. She really did leave him breathless; his heart racing a thousand miles a minute._

_Her face felt warm and every part of her was telling her to pull away. Drag her eyes from the deep blue pools across from her and head for the hills. Just get the hell out before her heart actually exploded. But she didn't, and neither did her heart._

"_You know what, Rick, that's one of the nicest things you've ever said to me."_

"_What! I say nice things about you all the time."_

"_Oh, yes. Things like; '_really smart, with haunting good looks... and kinda slutty'_? Yeah, Castle, really nice. And you wonder why it took us so long to get here."_

"_You know perfectly well that I was talking about _Nikki Heat_, when I made that 'slutty' comment. Not _you_."_

"_Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't _Nikki Heat_ based off me?"_

"_Yeah, but I couldn't make her _exactly_ like you. That'd just be wrong."_

_She rolled her eyes with a smirk, as she leant back and their arguing continued. He tried in vain to defend himself, and every time he did, she had a snarky retort for him. _

_It was nice to know, that while their relationship had morphed over the past few weeks (okay, couple of months, really) that one thing was seemingly always going to remain the same._

XXX

Their breaths came out in short puffs as the rocked together, clothes long since forgotten in a pile on the floor. Her hips bucked and tilted upward to meet him, and take him deeper as he thrust into her.

Her fingernails dug into his shoulders in the most painful of ways, but he didn't care. It was the best kind of pain, a pain that told him he was doing everything right.

"Oh... god... Rick!"

That also helped.

He felt her muscles begin to contract around him, and their breathing simultaneously became so irregular, he wasn't sure if they were even breathing anymore.

He kissed her hard, knowing from the way her hand dragged down his back to his ass, and the stinging sensation as her nails dug into both the flesh there and his shoulder, that she was almost there. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, not wanting to go before her. Not wanting to disappoint her in any way.

He thrust into her again and again and finally they fell over that edge together. He held her tight as they lay on his couch, their breath slowly returning to normal.

"We should probably move." He mumbled against her skin, not even pretending to think about attempting to shift.

Her hand drew lazy patterns across his shoulders and she nodded. "Mmm, we probably should."

Ten minutes passed, before either of them spoke again.

"C'mon, Big Ricky. The last thing anyone wants is to see us naked on the couch."

He chuckled and slowly pulled away from her. He quickly gathered their clothes, bundling them all up together, and held out his hand for her to take. His large hand engulfed hers warmly as he led her through his office and into his room, where he dumped their clothes on the floor.

"So, what do girls do at sleepovers?"

She smirked and pressed her still naked body against his. "Certainly _not_ what we just did out there."

And with that, she captured his lips in another searing kiss.

Looked like round two was about to start.

_I Want To Know What Love Is – Tina Arena_

_**A/N: **__Foreigner did it first, Tina Arena did it live. I wrote this to the live Tina Arena version. Personally, I like it better *shrugs*_

_So, hope you guys liked the smut. And that it wasn't too confusing. But, I'm sure you'll let me know if it was... confusing. Mmm, I'm pretty sure I got all my little errors, but I **know**__ you'll tell me if I didn't!_

_Thanks for being freaking fantastic!_


	23. Miles Apart

_**A/N:**__ This comes before __Chapter 11: Beauty In the Breakdown__ and __Chapter 22: I Want To Know What Love Is__. It's been through fifteen re-writes (I counted), and I'm finally happy with the end product. I hope you are, too.  
Remember, kiddies, this story went M two chapters ago. This one is no different. Actually, it is different, but still, the M rating is WELL deserved…_

_GhostWriterLost__ consider this me giving you your sanity back =D_

_**SPOILER(S):**__ Besides two of my own chapters, there are slight spoilers for early season 3. Uhm, up to the end of Episode 4: Punked_

Miles Apart

"_If I could, I would do all of this again."_

Kate Beckett was a woman who loved to be in control. Everyone knew it, and had grown bored with teasing her about it, because she readily admitted it. She, of all people, knew that sometimes things couldn't be controlled, so she did everything she could to take charge of the things she _could._

So it absolutely baffled her, as to why she led them into uncontrollable territory.

She had asked Castle over with honourable intentions, really, she had. Alexis was out of town on a class trip, and Martha was spending a lot of time at the theatre. And Castle had been hinting all day at the boredom he was sure to face when he got home to an empty loft.

He had seemed down a lot lately. His second failed attempt at a relationship with Gina coincided with Alexis starting the college application process and her own relationship ending, and they'd somehow ended up the precinct orphans. Ryan had Jenny, Montgomery had his wife and kids, and Lanie and Esposito (though they refused to admit it) had each other. It seemed that one hell of a lot of the time, the two of them were left together.

At first, it hadn't worried her. They were friends, close in the way that two people who spend almost all day together were, without crossing any boundaries. They'd come close, a couple of times, but had always been interrupted. But that night was different.

He'd had yet another fight with his ex-ex-wife, she wasn't exactly sure what it was over, but from the way his eyes had narrowed and he'd glanced at her as he spoke; she assumed it had something to do with her. He had confided, not long before Gina left, that the couple had had more than one argument about his shadowing the Detective. And while she couldn't totally blame Gina for her insecurity, she thought he had deserved a chance. Turns out, that no matter how many times Castle told Gina that she was in a relationship, Gina still thought that Josh was made up.

Which was stupid, because until five minutes ago, nothing had ever happened between herself and the writer.

It had started out as a soft kiss to the cheek. One that friends shared when saying hello or goodbye. One that she could share with any number of people, depending on where she was. It wasn't a kiss that should ignite a fire in her belly that she thought she'd put out almost a year ago.

He'd pulled away slowly, hands still at her elbows. She'd slowly opened her eyes to find his blue ones staring intently. They were so close, and his hands were so warm… when her eyes dropped to his lips, she knew she was in trouble, but she didn't have the fight to care. They had been there, so many times, on the brink of _something_ that she knew the road almost as well as the back of her hand. Any second now, one of them was going to come to their senses. Any second now, someone was going to interrupt. Any second now something, _anything_, was going to break the mood and shatter their moment.

And when, after a full minute, they still stood in her doorway, eyes locked, his fingers gently caressing her lower back, and _nothing_ happened, she threw in the towel and took the plunge herself.

And then, all hell broke loose.

She wasn't aware of it happening, but she quickly found herself pressed against the inside of her door. Her right leg had somehow hooked around his left calf, pulling him into her. She didn't remember when exactly her fingers had tangled in his hair, or when he started kissing down her neck, but she knew she didn't want him to stop.

His lips moved back to hers and her head swam. This impromptu make-out session was so much better than she had ever imagined; so much better than anything he could have ever written. She could feel her chest tightening from a lack of oxygen, but she didn't want this kiss to ever end.

He pulled away again, his hands still on her hips, but she couldn't bear to open her eyes. If she did, then she would most definitely see something in his she didn't want to.

"Beck-" Pause. "Kay-" Pause. He cleared his throat. "I'm sor-"

Her eyes snapped open and she shot him a look. "Don't, Rick. Just… do not apologise."

"Ookay?" a questioning tilt to his voice, as he took a small step further away from her.

"Just… stop."

He stopped and his eyebrows rose in wonderment. She bit her lip, a sure sign she was thinking hard about something, and her hands dropped from his head to his shoulders.

And then she was tugging him closer, as their lips met again.

This kiss wasn't as fiery as the one they'd shared seconds before, but it was full of a promise that neither knew existed inside them. Promise of a future beyond that one night.

Her hands drifted down his chest and her nimble fingers played with the buttons on his shirt… and suddenly his shirt was gone.

He stepped back into her, pressing his body against hers, against the door. He ran his hands over her hips and she lifted her leg to wrap around his again, and then she was wrapping both of hers around his waist as he supported her weight with the help of her door.

His lips left hers again, and trailed a path from her mouth, to her ear, and then down the column of her neck. She tilted her head, giving him better access as he gently bit down, teeth grazing at her skin, sending shockwaves right to her core.

"I need… more." She whispered breathily, her nails digging into his bare shoulders.

Setting her back on the ground, he pulled her top over her head, and quickly latched his mouth to her shoulder, sucking hard, determined to leave a mark. He knew she would kill him for it, but he didn't care. He would know it was hidden under whatever shirt she chose to wear the next day.

"Fuck." She mumbled, fingers shaking with so much anticipation she couldn't work his belt buckle.

Chuckling against her, he shifted so she had more room to work with, and groaned when her fingertips brushed against his ever hardening cock. "God."

"Kate, actually."

"You're wearing too many items of clothing, _Kate_." He murmured, his eyes on hers as he used the very tips of his fingers to slide her bra straps off her shoulders.

"Back clasp."

With the straps halfway down her shoulder, he changed direction with one hand, deftly unhooking her bra, as his other hand skimmed her toned stomach, pulling the drawstring, undoing the knot that held the loose genie pants to her hips.

"Bright red cheekies." He grinned and slipped one finger under the top hem. "Matching the bright red bra." He tossed it away. "Both of which match the colour of your cheeks right now. Damn, Kate, you're so hot."

She bit her lip again and nodded as her hand shifted to grab his wrist. "In more ways than one." Quick as lightning she pushed his hand down and he could _feel_ just how hot and ready for him she was.

His blood ran south so suddenly he was lucky he didn't pass out.

"Now, stop chatting and fuck me, Castle."

So, fuck her he did.

His lips crashed back to hers as one hand rubbed at her clit, and the other worked its magic on her breast. She was so wet and his fingers slid in and out of her easily. Her breathy words of encouragement were broken only when he did something _incredible_ with his lips.

His lips and teeth skimmed her skin and she thought she was going to explode at any moment, if he didn't do something more with the hand in her panties. And then, her first orgasm hit her out of nowhere and she almost collapsed to the floor. He held her up, his hand still working her through, and almost patiently waiting for her to come back down, before he clamped his mouth to her nipple and let his teeth graze over the sensitive tip.

"Oh, Christ." She hissed, her hands tangling themselves in his hair, roughly holding him to her as she tried desperately to find her voice.

He switched sides and shifted his hands from her warm folds, dragging his damp fingers along her heated skin. And then he slowly sunk, so he was kissing her stomach, and then her thighs, and then the _inside_ of her legs and she could feel the throb of anticipation between her legs and she knew she wanted him to bite and lick the _fuck_ out of her, but she wanted him _fucking_ her more.

"Rick…" she called out, eyes closed in a haze of what he wasn't sure, but he knew there was lust and arousal and _want_ there, and that was all that mattered for the time being.

"Rick…" she called out again, a desperate whine. He hooked his fingers in her panties and dragged them down, watching her face as he leant forward and took them in his teeth.

Ignoring the almost plea in her voice, he placed several lingering kisses to the inside of her thigh, before shifting again and darting his tongue out to taste her. Never, in a hundred, million years would he imagine anyone could taste as good as she did.

"Get… up!" she demanded and he lifted his head, to see the fire in her eyes and the frown that graced her face. "Leave your superman shorts there." She added, reaching down to push at the waistband with the very tips of her fingers.

"I need to… we need a…"

"Shut up, Castle. I'm on the pill. Just…"

In one swift move, he was up, pressing her into the door as his hands cupped her ass and lifted, opened her folds with the very tip of his fingers just enough to slide his hardened dick in. She was tight in the best of ways and he had to think about _anything_ to stop himself from blowing his load right then. He held back for only a moment, before burying his head deep inside her, exhaling loudly as she let out a little 'oh' of surprise. He stood still for a full two seconds, letting her get used to him being inside her, before he shifted for a better angle and thrust himself so deep that she cried out.

"Fuck!"

Their lips met again, teeth clashing and tongues duelling and she could taste herself on him and she squirmed. "God." Her hands had rested on his shoulders for all of three seconds, before one snaked its way between their bodies and found her clit, rubbing hard, heightening the pleasure.

She held on tight, her arm wrapped around his shoulders and shifted so her head rested against one as she reached further to cup his balls as he thrust up into her. He groaned at the first contact, momentarily losing his rhythm as the sensation nearly tipped him over the edge. But if there was one thing Richard Castle knew, it was that he would bring her to her second orgasm, screaming his name, before he let himself let go.

"Kate… I don't…"

"It's… okay…"

She tilted her head back and he nuzzled into her neck, breathing her scent in deeply as he thrust into her. One hand on her lower back, holding her in the right place, the other joining hers between them.

"God…Rick…I'm…oh, oh!" he eyes widened and she felt herself shudder. She rested her forehead against his. "Come for me Rick." She whispered, her hands running over every inch of his body.

He let out a guttural moan and thrust into her, holding there as he emptied himself inside her. He pulled out a full minute later and set her back on shaky feet. "Are you okay?" he whispered, kissing her cheeks and eyelids, before planting a soft kiss to her lips.

She nodded and took a shaky breath. "I think so."

They stood there for a few minutes, kissing softly as their heart rates fell and they were able to breathe almost normally.

"I'm never… going… to be able… to look at that… door… the same… ever… again." She mumbled between kisses.

He chuckled lightly. "I'm never going to be able to look at _you_ the same, ever again." He eyed her with a grin playing at his lips. "Who knew Kate Beckett could curse like that?"

She shot him a look and wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning up to give him a long, lingering kiss. "Keep talking and you'll never hear it again."

He shut up.

_Miles Apart – Yellowcard_

_**A/N: **_

_I must thank __GhostWriterLost_, _for putting the Rod Stewart song "Hot Legs" in my mind and on repeat as I wrote this. Damn, but Stana has the most amazing legs, am I right? (Of course I'm right; we've been over this‼ heehee)_

_And, also, __ariel119__, for her views on the smut. Better? And, also, for correcting my grammatical errors. I'm sure I've missed some; I eagerly await your PM._

_Finally, AliasCSINYFriendsER. I love you, Mandi. For reviewing, for replying, for being my soul mate, for being my twin *feed the birds*_

_And, lastly, thank you (‼) to everyone who added me and my story to their alerts and favourites, to everyone who reviewed, to everyone who simply READ. You're awesome, and I love you, too._


	24. I'm Yours

_**A/N:**__ This is the shortest chapter I've ever written. Thanks to Ariel119 for the beta work._

I'm Yours

"_Somehow growing old feels fine"_

One year:

For their first anniversary, he convinces her to take a weekend off. If he's honest, he knows it didn't really take much. They had come so far since they finally admitted that maybe there were more than friendly feelings between them.

He whisks her off to their Hamptons house. They spend almost the entire three days in their bedroom. They wander between the bed and the kitchen and the shower buck-naked. There's no need to be dressed, when those clothes are only going to be thrown from their bodies in a matter of hours. He had mentally planned a romantic dinner in a restaurant that overlooked the harbour, but that had been shot to hell when she walked out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a smile.

They can't think of a better way to spend the anniversary.

XXX

Five years:

For their fifth anniversary, they're stuck in the city with an itchy and irritable almost four-year-old. They had planned to head to Vegas for the weekend, but couldn't justify leaving Alexis with her grumpy younger half-brother. Not only was it not fair to the young woman, but the thought of being away from their sick little boy breaks their hearts.

Turns out, the weekend on the couch in their comfiest pyjamas, watching kid's movies and doing everything they can think of to entertain little Max was better than spending ridiculous amounts of money in casinos. And, late on Sunday when Max's feeling just a little less prickly, they wander through the park, hands intertwined as they push his stroller.

What could be better than a whole weekend doing nothing with those you love?

XXX

Ten years:

By the time their tenth anniversary comes around, they've added a little girl to their family. Rebecca is five and a spitting image of her mother. Right down to the little crease in her forehead when she frowns. Max's the typical big brother, teases her relentlessly, but stands up for her at school when the older kids pick on her. When he's asked, he says that arguing is something brothers and sisters are supposed to do, to annoy their parents. But no one else is allowed to, cause then it's just mean.

She grips his hand when she hears this, and tears spring to her eyes. She's never been one to tear up over little things like that, and idly wonders why. A week later, when the day of their actual anniversary falls, she knows exactly why she's been feeling out of sorts. She's pregnant again.

He thinks it's the best present ever.

Twenty years:

The day they celebrate twenty years of marital… harmony, she announces that she's retiring from the NYPD. Max, home for the weekend from Duke, drops his knife in shock. Rebecca's eyes widen and her fork-filled hand stops halfway to her mouth. Jamie, at ten, doesn't really understand the significance, but worries that they're going to have to give up the Hamptons house, now that his mother isn't working.

When he asks her about it later, she tells him she wants to spend more time with her family. He knows it hasn't been easy for her, balancing their home life with the one she's worked long and hard for. He often wished he could add hours to the day, just for her. He asks her if she'll miss it, and she nods slowly, before a smile creeps onto her face as she tells him she's missing more by being at the precinct.

He sweeps her into his arms and kisses her for hours.

XXX

Fifty years:

The day they've been married for fifty years, they renew their vows on the beach at the Hampton house they bought all those years ago. Alexis flies back from France, where she's been living and working as a translator in the American Embassy. Max and his wife and two kids fly in from Arizona, where he coaches a college basketball team. Rebecca and her husband and son drive up from the city, where she teaches English at the same high school her mother went to. Jamie is a surprise addition. His movie wrapped earlier than expected and he was able to secure a flight on the red-eye from LA.

The renewal isn't a big deal, over in less than an hour. They can't stand for longs periods of time. He because he messed his back up giving Rebecca horse-rides when she was five, and her because of an old gunshot wound, but they do their damndest to stand there without complaining for the whole ceremony. When it's over, they sit on the deck, like they have so many times before, with their family talking and laughing and running around them.

Blue and green eyes sparkle in the setting summer's sun.

_I'm Yours – The Script_


	25. If I Had You

**_A/N:_**_ Another short chapter. Just saying.  
Also, thanks **Ariel119** for being super and beta'ing again. _

If I Had You

"_If I had you, the money, fame and fortune, never could compete"_

They were the last two in the bullpen, sitting on the end of her desk as they so often did when they were building theory. Or, in this case, trying to. They had been silent for nearly twenty minutes, and he was wondering if maybe he should just say goodnight and leave, when she had spoken.

"I want to say it was the boyfriend, because experience talks, and business and pleasure never mix well, but no matter how many ways I twist it, I can't make it fit. What about you?"

Slightly taken aback, he'd eyed her for a second, realising she was talking about Sorenson and Demming and whatever it was that was between them, and shrugged. "Sometimes it doesn't click. But, then again, sometimes business and pleasure can be the perfect mix and everything turns out fine. Besides, he was ready to propose. Why would he kill the woman he was preparing to spend the rest of his life with?"

She had turned her head to face him, her eyebrow reaching that spot on her forehead that meant she wasn't sure whether to believe his words or not. "I've never gotten that close, Castle. Why would someone want to kill their prospective wife?"

He shrugged. "They wouldn't. Unless she was stepping out on him, and there's absolutely nothing in her file that points to that. He would have moved heaven and earth for her."

"How can you be so sure?"

He shrugged again. "Because when you love someone, really love someone, there's nothing you wouldn't do for them."

"Like you and Alexis? Or you and Martha?"

He nodded with a slight shrug. "Yeah, like that. Or like Espo and Ryan would do for you, or vice versa." He noticed the face she pulled and shook his head. "You can deny it all you want Kate, but I know you guys. I saw you during that case with Espo's old partner. If push came to shove, there's nothing you wouldn't do for those two. And they feel the same way about you."

She looked away, not ready to concede the fact that he was right. Tilting her head she sighed, then shrugged. "That might be the case, but it doesn't help me here." They grew silent for a few minutes, and she finally shook her head. "This is giving me a headache. I need coffee. You want some?"

He nodded and followed her into the break room, leaning against the counter next to the espresso machine, watching her long fingers as they expertly roamed around the machine. He knew she thought it creepy when he did stuff like that, but sometimes he just couldn't help himself. The way her hands moved held his attention, and he wondered what it would feel like to have them roaming his body.

He shook his head internally. That was not something he should be thinking about this late at night when they were alone like they were. He knew her professionalism would stop any kind of anything happening here, but he also knew the fantasies too well.

Damn overactive imagination.

She handed him a cup and turned so she mimicked his pose, and took a sip. She hated to admit it, but Castle's espresso machine was magic. How they had survived on "monkey-pee-and-battery-acid" for so long still amazed her. Maybe it had been a case of better the devil you know? She tilted her head back and groaned, rolling her head trying to work out some of the kinks in her neck. As much as she hated to admit it, she really could do with a day off at the spa. Maybe she could coerce Lanie into joining her…?

"Here." he murmured, placing his mug on the counter, and tilting his head to the side, indicating she should stand in front of him. It was a mark of just how comfortable they had become around each other – and just how much she had grown to trust him – that she stood there, without complaining, as his hands worked the knots out of her upper back and neck.

Biting her lip, she let out a soft moan, and dropped her chin toward her chest.

"You should have a day off once in a while, Beckett. Kick back and relax for a few hours, then your muscles wouldn't be so tense."

She chuckled lightly. "Crims don't have days off, Castle. Why should I?"

He smirked. "Because you'll burn out, and then I'll have to follow Ryan or Espo around, and they're not nearly as pretty as you." He stopped his movements and simply rested his hands on her shoulders.

Her eyes had slipped shut at some point, and she didn't want to open them now. That would break whatever spell had been cast upon them. They were on the verge of a grand shift in their relationship, and she was afraid if they didn't take this chance now, they would never get the chance again. Her lip found its way in between her teeth as she slowly turned. Her eyes opened and she found herself within inches of his face. She could see the usual spark of mischief there, but she could also see something else. Like a promise, only he hadn't promised her anything.

Not yet, anyway.

She reached around him and placed her mug next to his on the counter, and, instead of dropping her hand back to her side, she let it snake its way along his arm, so their fingers met on her shoulder. Her other hand followed on the opposite side, and she intertwined their fingers, dragging his hands with hers to their sides, and stepped even closer.

"Kate," he breathed, the puff of air making her bangs flutter across her forehead.

"Castle, for once in your life, will you just...shut...up?"

His eyes widened as her eyes dropped to his lips and he suddenly knew exactly what she wanted. "Kate," he breathed again.

This time she shook her head and twisted their fingers apart. Her hands moved up slowly until they were resting on his shoulders and she felt his on her hips. She knew he just wanted to be sure this was what she wanted before they crossed that line and things went haywire. But she was tired of playing it safe. They had come a long way over the last 18 months and she would be damned if she let this last opportunity slip through their fingers.

So, she closed the distance and pressed her lips to his. The slow, soft caress was not anything like either would expect their first kiss to be, but it was better than either could have imagined. She parted her lips in invitation, and his tongue readily slipped in, exploring the dark recess, before relinquishing control and allowing her to take the lead.

Her stepping back and out of his arms was the exact opposite of what he expected. Her offering him a small smile before turning on her heel and exiting the break room was even lower on his list of expectations. The fact that she gathered her belongings from her desk and left the precinct without even a goodbye stunned him beyond speech.

_If I Had You – Adam Lambert_

**_A/N:_**_ Thanks for be bloody unreal, guys. Much love!_


	26. Fallin' In

_**A/N:** This is a direct follow up to Chapter 25: If I Had You.  
You asked for it, and I delivered. Sometimes I'm good like that.  
Thank you, **GhostWriterLost** for a certain word that Castle is feeling.  
Special thanks to **ariel119** for her won-der-ful beta work, yet again._

_Enjoy =D_

Falling In

"_Don't be scared, it's only love, baby, that we're falling in"_

Three minutes. He stood, in the dimly lit break room, for three whole minutes before his mind stopped spinning. It took three minutes for that feeling of _what the heck just happened!_ to start to fade. One hand touched his lips, where she had _just_ been, while the other rubbed the back of his head. He stared at the corner where she disappeared and slowly that dull, gnawing, _poleaxed_ feeling slipped and he was able to think. He shook his head and pinched his arm, wondering if it had all been a dream. But the sharp pain and slight dizziness told him he wasn't dreaming. He had just made out with Beckett.

No, scratch that. _Beckett_ had just made out with _him._

With another shake of his head, he hurried after her.

XXX

She braced her hip against the edge of the car and let out a long, slow breath. How on earth she had managed to walk away from him was beyond her. She ran her hand over her face, her fingers coming to rest on the bridge of her nose, and she squeezed gently. Suddenly, she wished she had played it safe. She looked down at her hands, twisting her keys and threading them through her fingers. She hated this feeling, of being out of control in a perfectly controllable situation. She shouldn't have walked away like that. She shouldn't have kissed him. But his lips had looked so inviting. And her heart had hammered in her chest, almost telling her it would not be ignored. Not anymore.

It was still hammering away, like a woodpecker going to town on a tree.

XXX

He stopped for exactly two seconds at the elevator, jabbed at the button once, before giving up and heading toward the stairs. Taking them two at a time, he thundered down them and burst through the door to the parking garage, head swivelling from side to side, trying to spot her.

And there she was, leaning ever so casually against her car door, eyes cast downward.

It was like she was waiting for him.

XXX

The crash of the door reverberated around the near-empty garage, and her head shot up.

"Castle?" she called, eyes widening at the slightly dishevelled look he was wearing. Did she do that? Or was it his obvious run down the stairs? "What are you doing?"

He grinned at her, before doubling over, his hands on his knees as he took a few deep breaths. "I came after you."

"What?"

He shook his head and held up a hand, the universal signal for 'wait a minute'. After a few more gulping breaths, he wove his way through the scattered cars and stood in front of her. "I said; I came after you."

"Why?"

"What?"

"_Why?"_

He shot her another grin, this one softer and more intimate. "Because I didn't want you to get away."

"Get away?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I made that mistake once, I was not about to do it again."

And suddenly it all clicked. She tried not to let it show, but the slightly jealous look made its appearance anyway. "Kyra and I are completely different people, Castle."

He nodded. "I know that. But if there's one thing that whole ordeal taught me, it's to fight for what you want. I didn't fight for Kyra, but I'll be damned if I don't fight for you!"

"Fight for me? Castle, what the hell are you talking about?"

He cocked his head slightly, and jabbed his thumb toward the roof. "Upstairs, in the break room? You, Kate Beckett, kissed me and then ran. I know you like to think things through and process and whatever, but there was no way on God's Green Earth that I was just going to let you go. Not after a kiss like that. I know you have your walls and you no doubt need time to sort it all out in your head. But I'm not going anywhere. I've told you before, and I'll tell you a million more times if I have to. You're stuck with me. I couldn't leave even if I wanted to. Not now."

She sighed. "Castle, Rick, I wasn't running. Not really. I just… I didn't want that perfect moment to be ruined. We are notoriously stupid when it comes to communicating with each other about things other than cases, and I didn't want one of us to say something that we'd later regret."

He hesitated, before reaching out and cupping her cheek. "Do you regret it? Kissing me?"

With her eyes closed, she shook her head slightly. "Not yet. Give me five more minutes." Her eyes opened and the tender look in them, coupled with the smile tugging at her lips took all the bite from her words.

"I don't want you to regret me, Beckett."

"There are many things in our partnership that I regret, Castle. But kissing you isn't one of them. Nor will it be ten years from now. I _wanted_ to kiss you." She paused and bit her lip. "I still want to kiss you."

He smiled that smile that she had only ever seen him wear when he was talking to or about his daughter and it warmed her, knowing that she was part of a very exclusive group in his heart. A group that she knew included only two others, and they were related to him by blood.

"You can kiss me whenever you want, Beckett. I won't complain."

So she did.

When they broke apart, he wore that cocky smirk that drove her crazy and made her insanely happy all at once. "In fact, I can give you _several_ ideas of where exactly you can kiss me."

"I think I'm starting to regret it now." She whispered, leaning forward to kiss him again.

_Falling In – Lifehouse_

_Totally forgot I had this song on my iPod. I should hit 'shuffle' in the songs menu accidentally more often._

_ALSO: HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE! And remember: Tequila is the devil; slammers will get you EVERY TIME!_

_Cheers! =D_


	27. Girl All The Bad Guys Want

_Slight spoilers for o3x1o Last Call *shrugs*  
I'm ignoring anything I may or may not have read on Twitter. Also ignoring any pictures/photos I may have looked at (said picture may or may not be the lock screen background on my iPod)._

Girl All the Bad Guys Want

"_It's like a bad movie, she's looking through me  
if you were me then you'd be screaming someone shoot me"_

Owning a bar was a funny thing. Especially when you were a writer with far too much money. You could pretty much do whatever the hell you wanted, and not a single soul could tell you otherwise. At least, that's what he _thought_ owning a bar would be like. Except, sometime during the previous three years, he'd actually grown a real conscience. And he'd found a voice in his head he hadn't known existed.

But he was beginning to like it.

For the first month, he had kept himself scarce. He had given managerial rights to three of the more senior staff, trusting them explicitly with the running of the place, only popping in once a week to fill out and sign pay cheques. One of those nights he'd managed to get in there earlier and ended up chatting with one of the guys behind the bar. Then the old guy behind the piano wandered over and they'd spent a few hours reminiscing.

He found he liked that, too.

So, after owning _The Old Haunt_ for almost six months, he thought back and realised there was rarely a night he _didn't_ come down. Even if it was only for fifteen minutes to say hi and have a single beer, he was there. He realised all too late the strain it caused on his relationship, but when he was finally called on it, he discovered he didn't much care. It was his home away from home away from home.

He liked that even more.

He'd changed as little as possible, only the lock to the basement office and giving new keys to his three managers. They'd looked perplexed when he handed them over, but he explained that he would probably spend a lot of afterhours time there, writing, and didn't want to be disturbed if it could be helped. They'd nodded in understanding and refrained from entering unless they absolutely needed to.

Like when certain members of the NYPD showed up.

The first time had been a complete surprise. The four of them, plus Lanie, wandered in with wide eyes and suspicious looks. He was behind the bar, 'teaching' Jack the art of the perfect Vodka Martini, when he looked up and saw them. Excited, he announced that they all drank for free in his establishment.

After that night, they started frequenting the place.

Esposito confided in him that he liked going there because he didn't have to listen to other cops bitch and moan and brag about cases. Ryan mentioned it was because he could take Jenny there and not feel like a million eyes were on him. Montgomery said he simply liked the rustic feel. He never got a real answer out of Lanie, but he figured it had something to do with a Hispanic Detective he was friends with. And Beckett? Well, it took nearly the full six months for her to admit, but finally she told him it was because _he_ was always there.

And hadn't that admission damn near floored him?

With a shy smile, she told him that she liked how she could sit at the bar and people watch. That if they were in the middle of a particularly tough case, she could gain a little perspective. Sometimes she came to listen to Marty play old tunes on the slowly falling-out-of-tune piano. Once she even told him (after six beers and two shots of tequila, during a rambunctious celebration of closing a case) that she liked being there because he always looked so happy when she sat at the bar and chatted and flirted with him.

He was certain, even _now_ that his jaw was still somewhere on the floor.

And, yeah, he knew she was drunk. And, yeah, he knew she either wouldn't remember, or would regret it, in the morning. But he couldn't seem to care. Because she was looking at him in such a way that had his heart hammering almost painfully in his chest, and his breath quickening to a rate that reminded him of _other_ things. That flirtatious look in her eye, coupled with her slightly dishevelled hair had him gulping and contemplating ice water for their next drinks.

And as she sighed and turned away, he swore he felt his heart break just a little.

Because he knew what was coming next. It was written all over her face. She was going to tell him she had to go. That she was supposed to be meeting with _Josh_. That she was supposed to be _anywhere,_ doing _anything_ that wasn't drinking with him. Some place else where she wouldn't be one full drink and a shot up on him. Where she hadn't been teasing him for the last fifteen minutes about drinking like a _girl_ and letting a _girl_ be a better drinker than him.

But she didn't.

Instead, she bit her lip and met his gaze. "Tonight was supposed to be mine and Josh's one year."

He felt his eyebrow lift. Why the hell was she telling him this?

"But we broke up almost four months ago." She smiled lopsidedly. "So I'm celebrating."

His other eyebrow lifted as he struggled to follow her path.

"Can I ask you something, Castle?"

He nodded and gestured with his arm in a 'be my guest' kind of way. His voice was lodged behind something he was _sure_ was the lime from his last Corona.

"When a relationship breaks up, how soon is too soon to move on?"

The sip he'd been taking to try and shift the lime nearly came spurting back out. He choked and coughed a little, before cupping his hand behind his ear. "I'm sorry, _what_?"

She grinned and smacked his arm half-heartedly. "You heard me. For three months I've been wondering if it were too soon to move on. Is four months long enough? Or should I wait longer? Because the last time I waited, I missed my chance, and I don't want that to happen again."

He eyed her suspiciously. "What do you mean?"

"I kind of started dating someone else. And when I realised what was looking me right in the face, the original guy had seemingly moved on. But we're both single now, and I'm wondering if four months between guys is too soon."

"Depends."

"On what?"

"On what you want this new guy to be."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, if he's just going to be a rebound guy, then I think four months is _far_ too long. Anything that happened now would be laced with an unknown feeling of 'is something more going to happen'."

She bit the inside of her lower lip and frowned a little. "Go on."

"But, if you're thinking that something more than one night _could_ happen, then I think four months is more than long enough."

"Huh."

He let her sit in contemplative silence for a minute, before he tapped her arm to get her attention. When she looked at him, he smiled softly. "Was I helpful?"

She grinned at him and slowly rose from her stool, tossing twenty dollars on the bar. "I'm not sure, Castle. But I promise to let you know." She pushed the bill closer to him. "My half of the drinks." She said, before pulling her tan leather jacket around her shoulders and confidently making her way out of the bar.

XXX

For the next three weeks they were inundated with open-and-shut cases. And while he left the precinct each night and headed straight to the bar, hoping to find the Beckett that had kicked his ass in a non-existent competition, Beckett headed home to long soaks in her bath with a book and a glass of wine and plenty of thinking to be done.

Not even Lanie could seemingly offer an insight.

If he didn't know her and her need to think and re-think and process and be in control, he'd think she was avoiding him. But he knew it wasn't the case, because she was her usual self at work. She flirted and teased and rolled her eyes through their days, but didn't show up to case-closing parties. At one stage, he thought he had read her drunken musing wrong. But the day after thinking that, she all but invited herself to dinner with him, his mother and his daughter.

Then the moment of truth arrived.

He was in his basement office, looking over order sheets that Carri had left for him, he heard a distant knocking. Startled, he looked around wildly, before his eyes fell on the small screen he'd put on the very edge of the desk. He had to squint slightly, but even the crappy, grainy footage couldn't hide the fact that it was _her_ knocking on his office door. With a small frown of wonderment, he shoved himself out of his seat and stumped his way up the stairs.

And this is where their recollections get a little dicey.

He will swear up and down and til he is blue in the face that she kissed him first. Right there, behind the bar, at the top of the stairs. He will tell anyone who asks and then bothers to listen that she pushed him up against the wall. That it was her doing that had them stumbling and nearly falling back down into his office.

She remembers it differently.

She'll tell you that she stands there calmly, waiting for the door to open. She'll tell _you_ that she told _him_ that she needs to tell him something. That she'd been thinking about it for a while now, but didn't quite know what to do. She'll tell you that it wasn't until they got all the way downstairs, and she'd told him she wanted more than one night with him that all hell broke loose.

They do agree on her words. And hell breaking loose. And his fascination with the black ink on her left hip bone.

He doesn't know what the words say, only that they're written in another language. To be perfectly honest, while they're ripping each other's clothes off, he doesn't even care. All he can focus on is how her skin feels under his fingers, how she sounds under his lips and how she shifts and squirms against him as he presses her into the wall.

It's not until they're breathless and coming down from their highs that he remembers.

Softly, tentatively, he traces his fingers over the spot. The skin is slightly raised, like it's only a new acquisition, but the faded ink makes him think it isn't. Unless there's some way of making new tattoos look old. He'll have to look into that.

"It means 'never surrender'." She says quietly, watching his fingers follow the curves and the edges of the writing.

He shifts so he can see her face better. Sometime during the last hour they'd managed to sink to the floor, naked and cuddled together like they were in bed.

"It's written in Greek." She adds, shivering slightly. He wonders if it's from his touch or if it's from the cool air and idly thinks about thinking about getting up and finding something to wrap around them. But then she snuggles into him a little more and decides that a makeshift blanket can wait, as long as they're wrapped up together.

"Why Greek?"

She shrugs. "I was eighteen and I thought it looked cool. The average person wouldn't know what it means, so I could say it meant anything."

He nods slowly, fingers still tracing the edges lightly. "What about the English letters?" he asks quietly, but it probably wouldn't take a genius to figure out what _J.E.B._ stands for.

"They're my mom's initials."

They're silent and he wonders if he's going to get anything else out of her.

"When I first got it done, I wasn't much older than Alexis is now. It was a double dare with Maddie." She knows she doesn't need to tell him exactly who she means. "But she got scared and pulled out at the last minute. I'd already paid, so there was no way I was walking out of that place without it." She smiled, remembering the time. "Maddie had been so shocked that I went through with it, she actually paid for me to get my navel pierced." She ran a light hand over her stomach and he noticed the silver stud and the diamond for the first time.

He touched the ball lightly, watching the light bounce out of the (fake, he realises) diamond and can picture her at eighteen. He can almost see the defiant look in her eye as she stands with her hands on her hips in a bikini top and daisy dukes.

"It was winter when I got them, so my parents didn't even know until we went to my Aunt and Uncle's house the next summer." She laughed lightly. "I'll never forget the look on my mom's face when I pulled my tank off to jump in the pool." She shakes her head lightly. "Eventually she begrudgingly admitted that she didn't mind them so much, because she couldn't see them."

"What about your dad?"

"My dad hates the ring. But I told him if I took it out and let the holes close over, nobody would even know they were there."

"And the tattoo?"

She shrugged and twisted her head to look up at him. "I don't think he even knows I got mom's initials added. It wasn't until I started on the force and went through all those years of searching that I clicked to the connection. Mom always told me to 'never surrender on love'. I always thought that it meant that I shouldn't back away from doing something I really wanted. But I realised that it meant not giving up on those you love. I'm never going to fully give up on finding her killer. I never gave up on getting my dad sober." She shrugged, seemingly done. It wasn't until her gaze softened and she bit her lip that he understood.

"Even through Demming and Josh you never really gave up on the idea of us, either, did you?"

She shook her head. "I've known for a long time now that you and I were inevitable. Even without half of our friends telling me. I just… I had to get there on my own." She laughed suddenly. "God. That was ridiculously sappy. Where the hell has the Kate Beckett I _know_ gone?"

He grinned down at her. "She's still there; I can see her in your eyes. She's just taken a short break so that we could do what we just did without any interruptions." He wiggled his eyebrows. "And I'm not talking about the heart-to-heart we just had."

She rolled her eyes. "Geez, Rick. Way to state the _naked_ truth."

_Girl All the Bad Guys Want – Bowling For Soup_

_Un-beta'ed (or is it un-betaed? They both look wrong) but I REALLY wanted to get this up before the new episodes aired. Forgive me?_

_And, yeah, I've done their first night a few times. But the whole tattoo thing wouldn't leave me alone. And, yeah, I did leave out the sex. Forgive me for that, too? Puh-lease?_


	28. FKin' Perfect

_Thanks muchly to __ariel119__ for the beta work on _this_ chapter.  
Thanks muchly to __GhostWriterLost__ for the (eventual. I posted quickly) beta work AAAND a whole sentence in the previous chapter.  
Thanks muchly to __trooper__ for the kind words. You weren't logged in, so I couldn't reply properly =D  
Thanks muchly to __AllusionToAnIllusion__ for being my 200__th__ reviewer._

_**SPOILER(S): **__A certain picture that went crazy on __Twitter__, and o313 'Knockdown'.  
In fairness, I had started this chapter before I knew anything about the picture OR the episode in general._

F**Kin' Perfect

"_Pretty, pretty please  
don't you ever, ever feel  
like you're less than fucking perfect"_

Her breath hitched as her eyes roamed over their murder board once again. There were photos of seven victims. Six cases she had to familiarise herself with, but one photo – one case – kept drawing her eyes back. She knew that case and that photo, almost as well as she knew herself. Because, really, that case was _everything_ she was.

It didn't matter how many times she told herself to concentrate on the other victims, her eyes were always drawn back. Every few minutes she would find herself staring at it; the photo that haunted her first three years on the force.

A mug of coffee appeared in her line of sight, and she smiled gratefully, even if her eyes showed the sadness she felt. No words were shared as he handed over the mug and slid onto the edge of the desk next to her. No words were needed. He knew what this was doing to her, and he knew she would come to him when she was ready.

"This sucks," she finally whispered, her eyes dropping from the board to her hands, wrapped around her mug.

He nodded. "I know it does. I wish," he hesitated and kept his eyes fixed on the board. He felt her turn her head to him and knew the curious look she was wearing without even having to see it. "I wish there was something I could do."

"Rick," she breathed, reaching out a hand to lightly grasp his arm. She waited until his eyes met hers before she continued. "You're here, and that's everything I need right now."

He nodded, understanding what she was saying without saying. But he hated that haunted, lost look that he could see deep in her green eyes. He hated that, even when she smiled, it didn't quite make her eyes. He hated that even though the killer was dead, there was still someone out there. The people who had ordered the hit eleven years ago, were still free. They didn't see her heart breaking a little more, every time a lead went dead. They didn't see her slowly crawling back into herself. And they certainly didn't see her falling to pieces under the scalding hot water of the shower.

That was why he had barely let her out of his sight in almost a week. She had let him take her home to the loft every night and not once had she complained about his innate need to touch her every few moments when they were alone. She hadn't once complained that he was suffocating her. It was almost like she needed him as close as he felt he needed to be. Falling asleep and waking up wrapped around each other wasn't new, but there was a distinctly different tone to it.

And she had never, ever, cried herself to sleep like she had the night after speaking to former Detective Raglan.

They sat in silence, reading and re-reading the notes on the board and finding the words and the pictures blurring. They sat there for so long that their coffees went cold before they were finished. Castle could feel his butt going numb, and judging by Beckett's bouncing knee, she was getting antsy, too. They know the connection between the seven victims is Coonan, but there's got to be something else to make them a target.

"Maybe we're looking from the wrong angle," she mumbled, cocking her head to the side and squinting slightly.

He shrugged. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm pretty sure we've looked from every angle imaginable."

She sighed. "We're missing something, Rick, I can _feel_ it. But I can't quite put my finger on it."

He sighed and stood, stretching his arms over his head to try and work the kinks out of his back. He moved to stand in front of her, blocking her view. His hands rested on her shoulders and he knows he is definitely breaking every rule in her book, but he doesn't care. He needs this just as much as she does. "Why don't we go home? Have something to eat, got to bed early and recharge the batteries. Maybe when we come back in the morning a different light will be cast?"

She sighed, about to stand and give in, when something clicked in her head. "C_ast_." She whispered and tilted her head to look at the photos once again. "_Cast._" She repeated, frowning slightly as her eyes dart between the photo of her mother, and the single other woman.

Castle looked over his shoulder, trying to find what she's found, but came up empty and looked back at her. "What is it?" he asked, hands squeezing her shoulders gently.

"When my mom was killed, we were going out to dinner to celebrate me getting my first solo modelling gig. Do _not_ laugh or comment," she added hurriedly. He shook his head and his eyes conveyed the seriousness of the moment. "Before then, I had always had at least one other girl in the shots with me." She gently removed his hands from her shoulders and fell into her desk chair, pulling out a drawer and rifling through its contents. "If my memory serves, that other girl's name was Rachel Morgan."

Castle's eyes went wide. "You don't think-?" he shook his head. "What do you think?"

She pulled an old and battered green, blue and white address book out of the drawer and flipped the pages. "I think the connection is the modelling agency we were signed with."

XXX

The modelling agency had gone bust only a few short months after Johanna Beckett's murder, but with some digging and long hours going through contact sheets they finally found something to go on. More importantly, they had a someone, who had broken under interrogation by Esposito and Ryan. That someone had pointed them in the direction of someone else, who in turn had led them to a case Beckett's mother had worked on before she had gone into teaching.

That case and the details had given them enough to get a search warrant for a supposedly abandoned building, which got them an arrest warrant for the building's owner, who had been involved in the original case. Everything was finally falling into place, but Beckett couldn't help but remember the last time they'd come close to answers in her mother's murder. She remembered vividly (and surprisingly often in her dreams) the day she shot Coonan. It had been a turning point in her relationship with Castle. And she was afraid that this time, she wouldn't get the chance to make the shot.

"Everything is going to be fine," he whispered to her in the car.

She stared straight ahead, but answered equally as softly. "You don't know that."

He shifted to face her. "I do, Kate. I have complete and utter faith in you and your team."

She took a deep breath and finally turned to face him. "Castle, Rick, I need you to-"

"Stay in the car? Done. I'll lock the doors and everything."

She nodded once and reached out to squeeze his hand gently, before unlatching her door and pushing it open with her foot. She rounded the back of Crown Vic and had taken two steps in the direction of the rest of her team, when she heard her name being called and a car door slamming.

She turned and before she could register what was happening, his lips were on hers, one hand tangled in her hair and the other pressed into her back, holding her against him. For almost a whole second she didn't know what to do, but eventually her arms found his shoulders and she held on tight.

When they broke apart, he rested his forehead to hers and smiled. "Just in case you forget there's someone out here who knows how extraordinary you are," he whispered breathlessly.

She licked her lips, before tugging his shoulders and pulling him in again. "Just in case you think about getting out of that car again before I come back." She held his gaze for a second longer, and then turned on her heel and made her way to the extraction team.

It was time to end this. Once and for all.

_F**Kin' Perfect – P!NK_


	29. Season of A Lifetime

_Special thanks go to **ariel119** for once again being a bloody awesome beta person. My work wouldn't be half as good without your help =D_

_Also, I know many of you guys reading are American, but I really want to send my best wishes out to those Aussies who have been affected during the Queensland floods. Hopefully, with a bit of luck things take the turn for the better sooner rather than later. My thoughts are with you. Every little bit helps, so everyone keep your fingers and toes crossed._

_Now, on with the chapter!_

Season of a Lifetime

"_This year has been a good year"_

"It's the most magical time of year."

She shoots him a look, before rolling her eyes. "For you it may be. For me it means a mountainous hike in cases as the loneliness and frivolity crash together."

"That's a really… screwed up vision, Beckett."

She shrugs. "It's true, Castle. Either people can't handle being alone for whatever reason; or they over-do the Christmas cheer and end up in the fight to end all fights. It's always, without fail, the time of year when there's far too much alcohol and all feelings of resentment come to a head. From Thanksgiving – hell _Halloween_ – until the first week of the New Year, we get inundated with cases. Some are as simple as suicide. Some are more complex. But, mark my words, I will be too busy with cases to know that it's Christmas."

_Just the way I like it._ she thinks. She agrees with him in one respect, though: she has a really screwed up view of the holidays.

She never used to be that way. But, almost twelve years ago, her world had been shattered. And while, each year, she has gotten a half step closer to being able to find some small reason to celebrate (her dad's last drink had been around Christmas seven years prior), there was always _something_ in the back of her head that made her want to be part of a family, celebrating each other and the holiday like she should.

Like she would, if her mother had survived.

He comes around to her side of the desk, and sits himself nice and close to her, where he can lower his voice so only she will be able to hear it. He knows she hates it when he does that, because it means that they're not being as professional as they'd promised when they crossed that line between Detective/Shadow and something that resembled Boyfriend/Girlfriend.

"Kate," he starts his voice low and husky and reminding her all-too-well of several nights over the last six weeks that make her want to blush. But she flatly refuses to blush. Ever.

Along with refusing to blush, she refuses to meet his gaze.

"Kate," he tries again, reaching out and touching her arm softly. "You can't do what you did last year."

Her head snaps up and the expression clearly reads _why the hell not!_

"I know it's only been a little while, but I would really, really like to spend this Christmas with you. We all would," he adds, knowing that the promise of Alexis and Martha's presence always made her consider his invitations for a half a second longer.

She shakes her head 'no' and goes back to whatever mundane paperwork she had been doing before he interrupted.

"Castle, it's sweet, really. But I'm on call, anyway."

He shakes his head and dips an inch closer.

"And if you move even one more _millimetre_, I swear to god, I will shoot you."

He grins. "Kate, please? It doesn't have to be the whole day. Just… just spend Christmas Eve with us. We'll watch Christmas movies snuggled on the couch and sip wine. You don't even have to _have_ any wine, so you can drive home. We just… we want to include you. We all do."

He hears her sigh, and knows, even if it'll take a couple more days to completely make up her mind, that she'll eventually agree.

"Just think about it, okay?" he taps her arm again, and straightens, and even moves off the edge of her desk and into his chair.

Out of the corner of her eye, she watches as he gazes wide-eyed around the precinct. She knows that he knows that she usually spends Christmas Eve, Day and Night holed up in her apartment completely ignoring everything about the day. She and her father have dinner the week before, not willing to revisit those first few Christmases they'd shared after her mother's murder. Not even the memory of him telling her he'd been sober for a whole month could fully erase the pain of the previous ones, where she'd gone by to visit him, only to find him passed out in his recliner, an old Christmas record of her mother's popping and crackling in the darkness.

Her focus returned to the present, to the very different man beside her. She wishes she could find it in herself to muster half the joy that he seems to exude this time of year. Even a quarter of that child-like anticipation would be fine with her. But, even though their relationship had shifted and changed, even though she was by far happier than she had been in a very, very long time, she just couldn't seem to do it.

He folds his hands over themselves and tilts his head in her direction. Though he is talking to her, his gaze is focussed on a random patch of wall across the other side of the bullpen. "If you want," he starts slowly and quietly, obviously choosing his words carefully, "we can invite your dad over, too. I know you have dinner with him Friday night, but he is more than welcome."

She glances at him out of the corner of her eye. "Dad goes out to Jersey Christmas Eve, to his sister's place. But thank you." she replies softly and pretends she doesn't notice when he shifts closer to her again. His elbow is resting on the desk, his chin in his palm. From the corner of her eye, she can see his gaze is focused on his fingers tap dancing closer to the hand she has resting lightly on her paper.

"He is important to you, and you're important to me. We may only be in the early stages of our relationship, Kate, but like it or not, you're a part of the Castle Family." This time her head turns to him fully, and he shrugs. "Alexis has busted us making out on the couch far too many times for this to be considered a fling. And, whether you're ready to admit it or not, we both knew the night we kissed that this was never going to be a one off."

"Castle," she hisses, eyes sweeping the bullpen for evil little gremlins with nothing better to do than gossip.

"I know. And now you do, too." He taps the desk again, before standing and tilting his head in the direction of the break room. "I need coffee." He takes two steps, and then turns back. "Think about Christmas Eve. I'll be back with one for you, too."

As she watches him go, her head tilted slightly in an effort to fully appreciate his slight strut, she wonders what on earth she did to deserve someone like him.

_Season of a Lifetime – Plain White T's_

_Yeah, Christmas was a few weeks ago. I started this two days after. Better late than never, though, right?_


	30. Stars

_So, this is a little different._

_Props to ariel119 for betaing (?) again. Without you, I don't know what I'd do (probably post anyway, but then there'd be mistakes and yuckiness and I've had 3 coffees and 2 Red Bulls today, so excuse me for being a little hyper)._

_Also, pretty, pretty, PRETTY please keep your fingers and toes (though, maybe uncross your toes when you walk. It's not very comfortable...) crossed for everyone who was affected by the floods, in whatever part of the world they are. And, while you're at it, send bad thoughts to the wankers who thought looting was a good idea. Morons._

_Enough from me and my hyper-ness now. _

Stars

"_You'll be someone I, I can learn from"_

She was curled into the window seat, an open book on her lap that she had lost interest in almost an hour ago. It wasn't that the book in itself was boring; it's just that there was far too much on her mind. It wasn't very often that a good book and her iPod ear buds couldn't distract her, but on occasion it happened.

This was one such occasion.

Why was it that boys were so _ridiculously_ stupid? Especially when those boys were supposed to be smart? Coming back to the city for winter break was supposed to be relaxing. She was supposed to be enjoying her time with her family. She was supposed to be getting excited for Christmas and her father's annual New Year Blow-Out. She was supposed to be getting warm fuzzy feelings in her stomach at the thought of her little brother opening his own Christmas presents and actually understanding some of what was going on around him.

But instead she was wallowing.

She wasn't even sure why she was wallowing, not really. It's not like she and Jake had been together long. Hell, she'd only met him a month and a half ago. They'd only ever been on three official dates, and two of those had been to parties where they'd floated around each other. She hadn't met his parents, she didn't know who his childhood hero was, and she didn't know his first girlfriend's name. She didn't really care for those details, because he didn't know that her first boyfriend's name was Jason (they held hands for a day in kindergarten); he didn't know that she had been obsessed with Harry Potter (Hermione was her inspiration for being a good student); and he sure as shit wasn't ever going to meet her parents.

So why did she feel so totally and utterly gutted?

The front door swung open and crashed into the table, startling her so much that her book fell to the floor with a thud. "What the heck?" she called, hitting pause on her music and slowly untangling her legs.

"Daddy fell through the door, Ah-Lexis."

She smiled softly at the image and wandered into the front room. "Why did Daddy fall through the door, Maxie?"

Max shrugged and looked up at his mother. "Mama?"

Kate smiled. "Because your father is a fool," she supplied, leaning forward to kiss Alexis' cheek.

Smiling, Alexis tried to hide the pain. They were all so happy and cheery that she didn't want to bring them down with her bad mood. But her step-mother was unbelievably perceptive and Alexis knew she would be cornered before the night was out.

"Hey, Pumpkin. How was the drive up?" Her dad kissed her other cheek and dragged her into a rib-crunching hug, while Max tugged on the leg of her jeans.

"Long and tiring." She answered as she picked her brother up and planted a loud kiss on his cheek that made him giggle. "But I had a nap when I got here, so I'm good to go." She didn't mention that'd she'd spent half the morning in tears and the other half more angry then she'd ever been in her entire life.

"I'm sorry the place was empty when you arrived. _Someone_ had to take his son on field trip to the morgue." Kate rolled her eyes and glared pointedly at her husband.

Alexis laughed lightly, and it almost sounded normal. "Daddy took you to the _morgue_? Wow, Maxie, that's some field trip, huh? Was it fun?"

Max shook his head. "Aunt Lanie wasn't there and Doctor Perl is nasty. He called daddy a, a… what did he call you daddy?"

"Oh, Babe, I forgot to tell you; Perlmutter called me a bleeding moron. I wasn't even bleeding this time."

Kate rolled her eyes again and walked further into the loft. "Honey, you may not have been bleeding, but you have been known to be pretty moronic at times."

Castle pulled a face at his wife's back that had his son laughing and his daughter smiling a little wider. He shot her a look, asking if she was okay, to which she nodded. If he had learned one thing in his life, it was that the women he loved would come to him with a problem when they were ready. Trying to pry it out of them only made things worse.

Ever since she could remember, her dad had tried to stretch Christmas out. From the first of December, all the way until the twenty-fifth, he had traditions and activities planned out. Some were as simple as wandering around their neighbourhood, looking at all the different decorations. Some were a little more elaborate, like taking the whole day to go tree hunting. When she'd moved out and gone to college, she missed out on most of them, but she always made sure to be home on the twenty-third for his Christmas Eve Eve dinner. It wasn't anything fancy, but she had been allowed to open one small gift before going to bed.

It was a tradition he'd kept up and introduced to Kate, and eventually Max, and that night was no different. She tried, really tried, to get into the spirit, to have fun, but the lingering hurt was still there and she couldn't quite manage to be as carefree as she wanted. She did everything she could to give off the illusion, but as soon as her dad had taken Max upstairs for his bath, her shoulders had sagged and she'd crept away from the couch, back to her spot by the window.

She could hear Kate puttering around, cleaning up after their dinner and knew she should go help. But she couldn't find the energy, or the will power, so she sat, watching the lights of the city she loved.

"Wanna talk about it?" a soft voice questioned.

She looked up to find Kate leaning against the half wall, two glasses of wine in her hands, and shrugged. "There isn't much to talk about, really."

"Oh?" Kate slowly made her way over and sat by her feet, offering her a glass.

She took the glass, but rather than have a sip, she toyed with the rim as she turned to look back out the window. She was almost twenty-three, for crying out loud. She should be able to deal with a stupid boy better than this.

"Really, it's nothing. I'm just being silly."

Though she wasn't looking, Alexis knew that Kate had raised an eyebrow. The older woman had been around long enough for Alexis to pick up her tells. And one of the Detective's tells was a raised eyebrow when she thought you were being slightly less than truthful.

"Wanna talk about it anyway?"

Alexis sighed and shook her head. "Do you remember that guy I told you about?"

Kate nodded slowly. "Jake?"

"Yeah. Jake. Jacob Donnelly. He was in my creative writing class last semester."

"Yeah, I remember him. You said you guys were hanging out."

"Yeah, emphasis on the _were_."

"You're not anymore? I mean, you won't be when you get back?"

Alexis shook her head. "I went by his dorm on my way back from dinner last night, to see if he wanted to hang out and watch a movie. You know something we've done a hundred times in the last month. Only he wasn't there. Well, he was. He was in the shower and some girl with long blonde hair and legs a million miles long answered the door in nothing but a shirt. One of his shirts."

"Oh, sweetie," Kate breathed and rested a hand on the younger woman's foot.

"And I know I shouldn't be angry at him, not really. I mean, we weren't _seeing_ each other, not exclusively. We'd kissed a few times and-" she stopped and suddenly turned to Kate. "I just realised who I'm talking to. God, Kate, you don't want to hear about that stuff."

Kate smiled softly. "If you want to talk to me about it, I'll listen. It might be a little awkward, but chances are I've been there. I went to college once, remember?"

Alexis smiled an almost genuine smile and took a sip of the wine in her hand. "Well, just so you know, I never slept with him. The temptation was there, but I didn't think I'd known him long enough."

"And even if you had, it's your decision, Alexis. No one can tell you what's right or wrong for you." She tilted her head. "Well, we can tell you what we _think_ is right or wrong, but ultimately it's up to you."

"With Ashley we were together for a year before we, uh, you know." She waved her hand trying to convey her thoughts. Had she really been so focussed on school that she hadn't had a real, honest to god boyfriend, since her High School romance broke up midway through her sophomore year?

"And your father and I knew each other for three years before we even kissed. If the guy's worth it, he'll wait."

"Well then, clearly Jake would not have been worth it." She hesitated. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, shoot."

"When you and dad first kissed and started dating and stuff, what made you sure he was worth it? The book parties and book tours and his public persona and everything else?"

"You were part of it, and also the three years that we spent building our friendship."

"Me?"

"Yeah. I think you're half the reason I fell in love with him in the first place."

"Me, really? Why?"

Kate hesitated. "Because of his single-minded determination to do everything and anything to make you happy. When I met you, you were this well adjusted sixteen year-old girl with a child as a father. The more I got to know you, the more I got to know your dad, the more I realised that there were other sides to him that hardly anyone ever got to see. I was one of the lucky few that he trusted enough to let in."

"So, eventually you trusted him enough to let him in?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah, and the closer we got and the more time we spent together I realised I loved those other sides of him. Well, maybe not the public persona so much, I don't think I'm ever going to love that, but I love the rest enough to be able to tolerate it, because it's his job."

They sat in silence for a little while, sipping their wine. "Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to find what you and dad have."

"I was almost thirty when I met your dad, there's plenty of time left for you."

"I know. I just… I don't know."

"It's okay to feel that way, sweetie. There were times when I thought I'd never get married and have kids. Even after your dad and I started dating, I didn't really think about having kids, because I had you. We've always had our own relationship outside of what was going on between your father and I, and I figured if that was all I was ever meant to be, then I was going to do everything I could to be what you needed. If you wanted a friend, I'd be that. If you needed advice, I'd help you as best I could. If you were looking for someone to give you a hug, I'd gladly be there for you."

"I should just forget about him, and go back to school after break and show him what he's missing, shouldn't I?"

"Yup. But I wouldn't hold it against you if you want to hang out in your room for a few days and ignore the world."

"I can't do that! It's Christmas!"

Kate smiled at Alexis' scandalised look. She had the reaction she was after. "How about we sneak upstairs and listen to your dad reading to Maxie? I love it when he tries to do the different voices." Kate stood and held a hand out to Alexis.

Taking it with a grin, Alexis replied, "I remember when I was a kid and he'd do that." She tilted her head to the side thoughtfully. "For some reason they always sounded Indian."

Kate laughed. "Trust me, it hasn't changed."

_Stars – The Swellers_


	31. With Or Without You

_Ariel119__ is amazing, because she beta's my stuff. Sometime it needs lots of work, sometimes it needs very little, but I appreciate it all the same, because it makes my writing better. So, if you've got a spare minute, and haven't done so already, check her stuff out. It's amazing._

_Of all these little stories, this is the only one that's song doesn't feature on my iPod. I'm not a huge fan of U2, but a friend suggested the song. __Jorge Carlos Hernandez__, I know it isn't the story you were thinking of, but I hope you like it anyway =D_

_Set somewhere in Season 3. Mild spoilers for the whole series._

With Or Without You

"_I can't live, with or without you"_

"Bullshit."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard."

"I did, yes. But that is _not_ the card game we're playing."

She shrugged. "Maybe I'm calling you in the _life_ game."

"Lanie, we're not playing _Life_, either."

Lanie's eyebrow rose to perch in the spot that _everyone_ knew meant she was not amused.

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, Doctor Parish."

"Don't you play coy with me, _Detective_ Beckett. You know exactly what I'm talking about."

Beckett opened her mouth to retort, but was soon cut off.

"And don't play dumb, either. It doesn't suit you."

Beckett frowned and meticulously placed her cards on the piles in front of her. She had one left and needed at least a seven to be rid of it. "If you've made all the moves you can, we should turn the next set up." Deflection was a Detective's best friend. Well, at least it was when her _actual_ best friend was being a pain in the ass.

Lanie hummed her agreement and they silently turned the cards over. A four and an eight. Damn. She watched as Lanie moved three of her own cards, before there were no moves left. "Turn again," the M.E. murmured and two more cards fell face up on the growing piles. Quick as lightning Beckett tossed her eight down and slapped a hand on the smaller pile. She grinned victoriously as she dragged the pile closer and straightened them up.

"I don't know why you're looking so smug, Kate. That was the first hand. There's still plenty of time for me to mount a comeback."

Kate snickered and lined up her cards into neat little piles, a single card face up on her left, all the way to a pile of five cards on the right. It was a rarity that they got this time together, to just hang out and be girls. Especially on a Saturday night. Ordinarily they would have met up and gone to dinner and a movie, maybe found a bar for a few drinks. But the city had been suffering through a heat wave, and in true life-imitating-art form, the power had gone out. Though _this_ Nikki Heat didn't have her shadow/pest stalking her and making hand margaritas; just her best friend and a couple of bottles of wine. The last thing either had wanted to do was try and navigate the already treacherous New York streets, so they opted for the wine and cards at Beckett's new apartment. Besides, _Spit_ was a game that required very little brain power, so they could chat about everything and nothing as they played.

Except Lanie wanted to chat about things that Beckett was studiously trying to ignore.

"So, what's new with you?" Lanie asked after a few more hands. They were back on even footing, card wise, and Beckett was frowning at the two left in front of her (an ace and a nine. Why couldn't she get final cards that would follow on from each other?).

"The apartment's new, Lanie. So are the cushions on the couch and three DVD's in the black stand."

"Not what I meant and you know it."

Beckett simply huffed in reply.

"How's Josh?"

Beckett's face darkened immediately. "We broke up. I'm sure I told you."

Lanie shrugged. "Must have forgotten with all the autopsy fluids I've been inhaling."

Beckett nodded with a disbelieving tilt to her eyebrow. "Funny how they only affect you when it comes to me."

Lanie nodded. Her face was a picture of total agreement. "Right? So weird."

"Definitely."

They lapsed into silence once again, and Beckett quickly cleared her cards, slapping her hand on the smaller pile once again.

"Nothing else new happening?"

Beckett frowned and tilted her head, pretending to think. "Nope," she finally answered after a few seconds with a shake of her head.

"So, you're not seeing anyone. Not kissing anyone?"

Beckett's head shot up. "Josh and I only broke up, like, a week ago."

"It's been three months and you were ready to move on from Demming the exact same day."

"I was with Josh a hell of a lot longer than I was with Demming."

Lanie waved a hand. "The time line equates. Three months is the same as the same day."

"Lanie, that's ridiculous. I think you've had enough wine." She reached out to grab the glass opposite her, but her hand was swatted away.

"Don't even think about it, Kate. It's been a long time since we've had drinks and I plan on enjoying it. It's not like I'm going home, I've already called the spare bed."

"Lanie, we're the only ones here."

"Not the point. I've already called it." Beckett shrugged in a '_whatever_' way as Lanie continued. "Anyway, we were talking about your love life, not my wine consumption."

"How about we talk about _my_ wine consumption and _your_ love life. Don't think I haven't noticed the little looks between you and a certain Hispanic Detective I know."

Lanie blushed and laughed. "You're one to talk. You and shadow-boy have been doing the eye-deed for almost three years. So what if Javi and I are havin' a little fun? Ryan and Jenny are like three seconds from married and you and writer-boy can't seem to figure out that all you want is each other."

"The wedding's in three weeks and its writer-man." Beckett mumbled. With her eyes focussed on the cards in front of her, she didn't notice the way Lanie's brows shot up. Nor did she see the knowing glint in her best friend's eye. "Can we _please_ drop it and talk about something else?"

It wasn't until much later, when she could hear Lanie snoring from down the hall that she realised her mistake. Unconsciously or otherwise she had grouped Castle in with the other (previous) leading men in her life. FBI-_man_; Pinup-_man_; Motorbike-_man_. She'd corrected Castle when he'd called them _boys_, and she'd done the same thing again tonight with Lanie. Groaning in frustration, she rolled over and snatched her phone off the bedside table. Opting to text in case her voice carried and she woke her sleeping friend, she quickly tapped out a message.

_We are soooo busted._

It didn't surprise her when a message came back less than a minute later.

_What? How? We only told mother and Alexis last night!_

She grimaced as she wrote back.

_I may have corrected Lanie's use of 'boy' versus 'man'._

Thirty seconds. She timed it.

_You didn't!_

She nodded even though he couldn't see her.

_I did. I wasn't thinking._

She dropped her phone to her stomach and covered her eyes. It had been her idea to keep them quiet for a while, so they could enjoy their new found relationship and feelings away from the prying eyes of others.

_It's good though, right? We're still good, right?_

She grinned at his obvious worry for their relationship. It was moments like these, when his concern for her shined through so clearly, that had her wondering why they hadn't taken that leap sooner.

_Of course we are. We were going to tell them eventually anyway. I just wanted a little more time for us before we let them in._

His relief at her words was obvious in how quickly he replied.

_Oh, thank god. I was sitting here at my desk worrying that it might make you run. That you might be rethinking us and our relationship. All I want is you, Kate. All I've ever wanted was you._

She smiled and chewed on her bottom lip as she tapped out another message.

_I know, Rick. I know. And trust me when I tell you I'm definitely not even entertaining the idea of rethinking us. But, I do have to say goodnight. I've got a lunch date tomorrow with this guy I've been seeing, and his daughter, and I don't want to be sleepy for it._

She hit send and waited a couple of seconds, before quickly going back in and adding,

'_Night, Rick xo_

She smiled when her phone buzzed a few seconds later.

_Until tomorrow, Kate xo_

_With Or Without You – U2_


	32. You Belong With Me

_Direct follow up to Chapter 28: F**Kin' Perfect._

_To __ariel119__, who helped me through endless rewrites of certain parts and helped me get the images I saw in my head, onto the page(screen?). I sometimes forget that I'm the only one who can see what goes on in my head (trust me, you don't even wanna go there, that place is soo scary!). Thank you a million times!_

_**WARNING:**__ LANGUAGE! That is all._

You Belong With Me

"_I'm the one who makes you laugh, when you know you're 'bout to cry"_

She watches him step back towards the passenger side door, their eyes locked and never moving until he's in and the lock is pushed firmly in place. She shakes her head, clearing the fog that comes with a kiss like _that_ and bites the inside of her lip. With a deep breath, she lifts the lid of the boot of her car and pulls her vest out. With long, measured strides, she walks toward her team, tugging the Velcro ties into place as she goes.

She'll never forgive herself if she doesn't come back out.

She shakes her head. _He_ will never forgive her if she doesn't come out. _He_ will never be able to move on. _He_ will never be the same and she knows this because if the roles were reversed, she would never survive it. There's too much going on in her brain, too many different and scary scenarios winding around and she lets Esposito take point. She needs all the focus she can get, because there's too much left in their lives to do. There's too much left in their lives to be, for her to not come back from this, and she doesn't want to miss a second of that life.

She takes her position, wedged between Ryan and a young Detective from the closest precinct and can feel eyes on her. They're not the eyes from a young cop, but the eyes of someone she knows and loves and she has to remind herself to keep her own eyes forward. She makes herself believe that it's her mother watching over her (because if Castle has so much as _thought_ about getting out of the car, she won't be held responsible for what she does to him when all of this is over) and it calms her and brings their mission into sharp focus, so when she sees Esposito give the signal to _go!_ she's ready.

The first floor is empty.

And so is the second.

And she can't figure out _why_ someone would set up camp on the third floor of this dilapidated building, but something stirs in her peripheral vision and she shouts _gun!_ before another thought crosses her mind. Shots ring out and she dives behind some wooden boxes that are home to god only _knows_ what, but there's a somewhat sturdy wall behind her, and if she shifts just a little to the left, she has a clear view of all that is going on around her.

She thanks God and Budda and Muhammad and every other higher being she can think of when the realisation washes over her that every single one of her team has their backs to her and she can see the reflective _POLICE_ written across their shoulders, all perfectly level like words on a page. Her eyes tell her brain that they're all standing and they're all okay and none of them have gotten injured. The last time she felt such relief was kicking in the door to Tyson's motel room and finding Castle tied up and beaten, but alive. She knows it isn't over, not yet, but the other side of the room isn't nearly as cluttered as her own and she can see and hear Esposito's loud, commanding voice doing what it does best: be loud and command their suspect to _stand the fuck down_ and _slide the weapon over NOW!_

From her vantage point, through the dim dankness, she can see the war raging in the brilliant whites of their suspect's eyes and she suddenly knows what she has to do. Slowly, she rises to her feet, taking advantage of her natural five-foot-nine-inches of height that's added to by her three-inch spike-heeled boots. She doesn't want to alarm their guy any more than they already have, so she lets her gun dangle near the end of her pointer finger as she moves her arms away from her body.

"You don't want to do this," she calls, her voice coming out stronger than she imagined when this scene flashed through her head moments before.

"The hell I don't! I'm not going down for someone else's fuck up!"

She almost understands what he means, but High School mishaps pale in comparison. "You're surrounded. You'll never make it out alive."

"Well, I would rather _die_ than go away for something I had no part in."

She barely contains her scoff, but is proud it's not as loud as it could have been. "_Something you had no part in_? You mean to say that you _didn't_ provide Coonan and his buddy the weapons needed? You _didn't_ offer them a place to hide out ten years ago. Ten _days_ ago?"

"You got nothin' on me, bitch. Coonan's dead. Some cop killed him a year ago." She feels her jaw clench of its own free will and a light turns on in their guy's eyes. "Well, fuck me. It was _you_, wasn't it? _You're_ the bitch that shot him!"

"It was a good shoot!" she hears Ryan and Esposito shout simultaneously and her heart swells for her boys' unwavering support of her.

"It doesn't matter who shot him. He threatened an innocent man. He _killed_ five innocent people."

The whole time they've been talking, she's been inching closer, so now she's standing in the middle of the room, nothing but her vest to protect her. Her arms are still spread wide, and she can see the young detective, Andrews, inching his way around so he's behind their guy. She wants to shake her head at him, to scream at him that this was _her_ collar. This was _her_ case, but she's so intent on bringing this guy in, and watching him rot away in a prison cell, that she pretends she doesn't notice the five feet between the two.

Another light seems to turn on in his eyes, and by the look on his face, she can tell he has finally made the connection. "You're her kid, aren't you? I knew she had one, I didn't know she turned out to be a hack cop."

Fury races through her veins, and for perhaps the first time ever, she wishes Castle were there to defuse the situation. She's quick and has a way with words, but she knows she has nothing on the writer when it comes to moments like these. "Put the gun down," she growls in response and it takes every muscle in her body to _stop_ herself from lunging stupidly at him.

"I ain't putting nothing down. You want the gun; you gotta come get it off me."

She can tell he's flustered; he's got that jittery, nervous tick happening with his lips. It helped, too, that he was actually almost grammatically correct fifteen seconds ago. "Put it down, and we all walk out of here on two feet."

"If I don't?"

"We'll walk, and you'll be carried out in a body bag two hours from now."

He makes a show of thinking things through. He even lowers his gun hand slightly, but she doesn't move. Not an inch. Hell, she's barely even breathing because it's so quiet and she's worried that Andrews is going to drop his foot too loudly, or kick some random piece of rubbish on the ground, and then it'll all be shot to hell anyway.

Then he raises the gun again, pointing it squarely between her eyes. She can almost feel the muzzle against her skin and wants nothing more than to turn away. But that would be a sign of weakness, and the only time she's ever vulnerable is behind several closed doors, with the man waiting for her out in her car holding her tightly.

Her jaw clenches as she stares him down and she knows that they could go on like this for the rest of the damn night

"You look a hell of a lot like her," he says suddenly, cocking his head to the right, as if trying to see her properly. She can see Andrews stop mid-step and Ryan and Esposito whipping their heads around to look at her, before their gazes are fixed firmly on the perp.

"I know," she says softly and her eyelids flutter dangerously close to closing. Her father's told her that about a trillion times in her 30 years of life. Even Castle has commented on the resemblance when looking at old photos with her. But when it comes from Castle, it makes her blush ever so slightly, because she thinks her mother was beautiful. This guy makes her feel dirty and in desperate need of a disinfectant shower.

As the errant thought of a shower crosses her mind, he moves and suddenly the room is filled with shouts and shots and _noise_. She drops to her stomach and pops off a shot and seconds later she hears a dull thud and groaning. She isn't sure who she hit, but her hands are shaking with the thought that it was another cop and she suddenly feels sick to her stomach like she's going to vomit. Slowly, she rises from her position and the first thing she sees is Ryan and Esposito kneeling over a limp form, while Andrews is sitting on his ass, rubbing the back of his head and looking slightly dazed.

"…three bullets to the chest. He's gone."

Her eyes actually close and her head drops and seconds, maybe minutes, possibly hours, later she feels strong, warm arms wrapping around her. It takes every bit of will power she possesses to not fall apart in his arms. Because as good as that feels and as comforting as it is, there's still work to be done.

She shudders and shakes and for a moment she's petrified she's going to start crying right there. In front of her boys and the other cops and the EMT guys that have started walking in, but then Castle's arm tightens around her and he tugs on the end of her hair gently and he whispers that he loves her and she knows that everything is going to be okay. Because he's there, and he's like a rock and a brick wall and a soft teddy bear all rolled into one and she knows that he isn't going anywhere.

XXX

The second they walk into the bullpen, Captain Montgomery sticks his head out of his office and tells them to go home. Their paperwork can wait until the morning. Ryan and Esposito smile gratefully and are gone within seconds. It takes almost a minute and a gentle nudge from Castle to put one foot in front of the other again.

She wants nothing more than to go home, to the loft, and sink into a warm bath and then into an even warmer bed, with her warm boyfriend and forget about today. But she knows it's never going to happen like that, because she can never get her mind to stop whirling. It runs and it twists and it turns and the _what if_'s and the _but_'s and the _maybe_'s and _could have_'s assault her and she's left tossing and turning for hours.

They walk, because he knows she needs this time to unwind and decompress and just _be_. Their hands are intertwined and swing aimlessly between them as they stroll along. They're both quiet, but she knows that he understands her need for silence. There'll be plenty of time to dissect and pick through everything tomorrow, she just needs to come to terms with it in her head before she can voice it.

They make it back to the loft almost an hour and a half after the Captain kicked them out. He barely has his keys out of his pocket, when the door swings open and Alexis and Martha are there, ready with rib-crushing hugs and glasses of wine. Her hand is still firmly encased in his, and Alexis's arm is around her waist, holding her close and she suddenly feels the weight being lifted from her shoulders. She doesn't have to do this on her own, not any more. She has a family and people who love and care about her right there. Twelve years ago her family was ripped apart, but she's finally found somewhere she belongs. _Really_ belongs, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

_You Belong With Me – Go Periscope_

_The 'Punk Goes...' and 'Rockin' Romance' compilation CD's have a lot to answer for. They're the single reason why there is a Taylor Swift song on my iPod. The girl's great, but not really my kind of music *shrugs*._

_Cheers guys!_


	33. Looking Up

_**A/N:**__ Valentines was almost a whole month ago. It's about time I put something out. But, as Christmas and New Years didn't line up, does it really matter? What else? Oh, yeah. This has not been beta'd, so all mistakes are mine. I did read over it several times, and I did read it out loud to myself, but there's bound to be some grammatical/tense issues. I throw them in there to keep you guys on your toes!_

**WARNING:** Sex scenes. That is all.

Looking Up

"_I'd never trade it in, 'cause I've always wanted this"_

She hates Valentine's Day. Not because she's never had someone to share it with (she's had several), and not because previous Valentine's have been less than stellar (there's been a couple). She hates Valentine's for the simple fact that she can't understand _why_ there needs to be a day, set aside, to be good to your significant other. If you love someone, or care _a lot _for someone, why can't you show them that whenever you damn well please? Why does there need to be a specific day (a card company holiday, to be precise, you don't even get the day off work!) to show someone how much you love them? Or care for them?

She's not bitter (or sour) for lack of someone, but annoyed and mystified at the lengths people go to on the damn day. She's sick of seeing bright red hearts and 'floating' cupids in almost every shop window. She's sick of full page ads in the paper, urging her to profess her love in their 'Valentines Message Special'. She's sick of the sappy love songs playing incessantly in elevators and stores around the city (she's ignoring the fact that those songs make sense).

When she was in the fifth or sixth grade, she remembers being the only girl in her class that didn't get a Valentines card. Or flower. She remembers the cool indifference she showed for the whole day, pretending she wasn't affected, acting like she didn't care. But she also remembers getting home that same afternoon and crying on her mother's shoulder. Wondering what was wrong with her and why didn't someone like her enough to leave an anonymous note in her locker? She remembers her mother's softly spoken words, about the day being the same as any other, and wouldn't it be better if she found out someone liked her on a day that _didn't_ promote couples? She remembers wiping her eyes and tilting her head in understanding. She also remembers the single dandelion her father gave her when he got home from work. She didn't know what it meant then, but she later found out it meant 'wishes come true'.

The thing she remembers most clearly is the boy she'd been friends with forever walking home with her the next day. If she concentrates, she can still feel his hand in hers as they walked, and the soft, almost hesitant, kiss he placed on her cheek when he said goodbye. She idly wonders what happened to that boy, and if he has his own Valentine this year, like she does.

She's always hated this day, because she's a cop and she's realistic and even a little bit cynical. But this year, she's looking forward to it. In fact, for the past five years she's looked forward to it. She won't admit it to anyone, even after hours of torture, but she's anticipating this Valentines like no other.

Three days past a month he's been gone, his book tour starting in New York the first week of January. From New York he flew west, stopping in every major city in the northern states, before getting to Seattle, where he had a whole three days to himself. From Seattle he flew south along the west coast, all the way to San Diego. They spoke every night, and even engaged in innuendo fuelled and highly suggestive texting. But as skilled with her body as her own hands are, and as sexy and hot as their picture texts can get, nothing can match the way he touches her. She can't get her fingers deep enough, or find just the right pressure on her breasts. Battery operated help can only go so far, when she misses the way his lips lingered on her neck.

But it's one o'clock in the morning and he'll be home in less than twenty-four hours and she knows she should get some sleep. She doesn't want to be exhausted for their first night together in nearly a month, but the dull throb in her lower regions and the slow ache in her muscles make it difficult. She tosses and turns and even changes into one of his clean dress shirts to surround herself more fully with his scent. Eventually she falls to sleep dreaming of his hands on her body and his lips on her neck and of _them_, together again.

XXX

She's an early riser, regardless of being called into work or not, so at 6.30 the next morning, she shuffles her way down the hall to the kitchen, rubbing her eyes tiredly. It's not until she hears the _clang_ of the plastic spatula on the metal frying pan that she registers the presence of another body. She idly wonders if it's Alexis or Martha, before realising that Alexis is at Princeton and Martha's escaped the New York winter with some friends down in Florida. There's only one other person it can be, and her heart skips a beat at the thought.

Slowly she edges her way into the kitchen and she nearly cries in relief and surprise and a million other things. He's here, in their kitchen, making her breakfast. With a small smile, she clears her throat softly, so as to not startle him, and slowly makes her way around the island bench until she's standing directly behind him.

"I thought you were flying in tonight?"

She doesn't need to see his face to know that he's smiling; she can hear it in his voice. "Good morning." When his tone shifts, she knows he's pouting. "I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed."

She laughs lightly and runs a hand across his shoulders and down his back. "You're home over twelve hours early, any more surprises and I might have a heart attack!"

He laughs, tilting his head back and letting his shoulders shake, before turning slowly to face her. And then it's his turn to be surprised. "I thought you told me there was no way in hell you'd ever sleep in one of my shirts."

She shrugs and grins impishly. "There's a difference between not sleeping in one when you're here and sleeping in one when you're not. Maybe I missed you a little bit."

"Just a little bit?"

She lifts one shoulder in a shrug, and tilts her head to the side, biting her bottom lip gently. "I'm kinda used to you taking up the whole bed."

It's a lie and a joke all rolled into one, but neither care as he rests his hands lightly on her hips. "God I missed you," he whispers, letting his forehead dip until it meets hers.

She smiles a slow, sexy smile and her eyes dance with happiness. "I have a confession," she starts, and her voice drops to a sexy, conspiring tone. "I missed you, too."

His face momentarily lights up with a boyish grin, before his head dips further and his lips catch hers in a slow, soft kiss. She wraps her arms tightly around his neck as one hand tangles itself in his hair, rising to her tiptoes to feel more of him pressed against her. His arms tighten around her and he effortlessly lifts her so he can sit her on the island bench. She shakes her head and pulls away to utter a single word: "bed."

He grins into the kiss and does as he's told and soon they're splayed across the king mattress, hands and lips exploring like it's the first time they've ever been together. She can feel herself getting hot and bothered and wet, but she knows they can't continue this, no matter how much she's missed him, or how much she wants to, because she has to work.

His lips leave hers and fall to her neck and her hands automatically grasp the back of his head. "Rick," she murmurs, tugging gently at his hair to get him to stop and look up at her and when he does her resolve to stop waivers. "We can't do this now."

She sees the cocky little grin she loves so much (and thoroughly hates) tug at his mouth and he presses an open-mouthed kiss to her collarbone. "Why?"

His tongue swirls over her skin and her mind fogs over for a second, before she shakes her head clear. "Work," she mumbles damn near breathlessly as his hands trail lightly down her side.

"I called in sick for you."

"What?"

He grins almost sheepishly. "Yesterday morning, when my last appearance got cancelled, I called the precinct, looking for you. You were in an interrogation, so I got transferred to Montgomery. When I told him what was going on, he said he didn't want to see you all day. In fact, he said something about being sick of seeing you there at all hours of the day and night."

She shifts guiltily. Without him there to drag her home, her nights had turned into days on several occasions. It was only the weekends and times when she knew Alexis or Martha would be home that she came home, too. "This place was too quiet and too big without your massive ego making a ruckus and taking up space."

He chuckles lightly and kisses her softly on the nose. "Montgomery said as long as you got the guy, you could have the day off." At her raised eyebrow he adds, "He texted me while I was on my flight to tell me you were all mine for the whole day."

"Just the day?"

He smirks. "You're always mine, but when we're at work, I have to share you with the boys and the families and the suspects. When it's just us, I can do whatever. I. Want."

She bites her lip, knowing it drives him crazy and in the sexiest, huskiest voice she can manage, she asks, "And what exactly do you want to do with me, Mr. Castle?"

His grin is all the answer she gets, before his lips are tracing a fiery path from her collarbone to her breast and it's everything she's missed over the last thirty-one days. One of his hands shifts to lightly massage her other breast, while his free hand snakes south and tickles her thighs before he slips a finger into her wet, hot folds. She's wanted this for so long and missed him so much that it doesn't take long for him to have her perched on the edge and soon she's tumbling over, her hands gripping his shoulders and his name escaping her lips on a breathless moan. He works her through her climax and she shifts so she can replay the favour, when he shakes his head and starts kissing his way down her body. He pauses at her navel and admires the small stud before swirling his tongue around it and continuing his path.

He can feel her heat on his chest as he slithers lower and her breaths are coming out in ragged gasps. He knows it won't take much to get her over the edge again, but he still takes his time and laps at her, alternating the pressure bringing her close then letting her down before bringing her up again. He knows she's _right there_ when her squirms and whimpers stop and she breaths out a whoosh of air as her whole body stiffens, then shudders.

He smiles as he discretely wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and he slowly crawls his way back up her body. He hovers over her and waits for her to open her eyes before offering her one of _his_ grins. "I love watching you do that."

"I love you."

He grins stupidly because he's never going to get tired of hearing her say that. "I love you, too."

She matches his stupid grin because it took them so long to get to the point where they could say it without fear of rejection.

She reaches her hands behind his head and drags him down to kiss him senseless. "Wanna show me how much you missed me?"

He nods and settles himself between her open thighs. Before he slips inside her, he tilts his head to the side, as if he's thinking it through. "I don't know if it's going to really give you the full effect."

She shrugs. "We've got all day."

With another stupid grin he leans down and kisses her and pushes himself deep inside her. They've never had a problem with this part of their relationship; it was the communication that screwed them around for so long. But, as he's watching her face, and watching the orgasm build, he can't help but think (and not for the first time, either) that if they'd jumped into the physical side all those years ago, it wouldn't be anywhere near as good as it was now. Even though they've had their fair share of ups and downs, he thinks the friendship they built and bridges they crossed offered a far higher level of trust and understanding that wouldn't have been there otherwise.

He knows now what he didn't know then; they'd fallen head-over-heels in love without even going on a date.

He can feel the tightness in his belly and knows he's so close. He can feel that she's there with him, from the way her heels dig into his calves as she tilts her hips to meet his every thrust. She presses her head back into the pillows, exposing her neck and he latches his mouth to her skin. He can feel her pulse racing under his lips and hear her breathless moans.

"God, Rick… I'm gonna… I'm so…"

She's braced her hands against the headboard to gain more resistance and one hand drops to his shoulder, squeezing tight and digging her nails into his skin, as she starts to contract around him. He can feel her reluctance to topple over the edge without him and he moved his mouth to her ear.

"Come, baby," he urges as he moves a hand between them. It takes only one slight touch of his finger on her clit and she's calling his name in that sexy, husky voice he just can't get enough of.

It's enough to have him thrusting hard and deep and within seconds he's falling right along with her.

They come down from their highs, completely wrapped around each other and their irregular breathing and heart beats slowly sync together. Even before they crossed that line from partners, to something more, to married couple she had loved that they didn't always need to be speaking to communicate. The years of simply being friends honed that skill and the strange connection had only intensified.

"I've got something for you," he whispers huskily in her ear, smiling slightly at the shivers that race through her body as his warm breath dances across her skin.

Smirking, she rolls to face him. "More than what you've already given me?"

He nods and untangles himself from her. He kisses her forehead and pulls on a pair of his ridiculously overpriced boxers and heads out of the room. Rolling to her side, she stretches an arm out and tugs open her bedside table drawer, pulling out a small envelope. Moving back to the middle of the bed, she hides it under her pillow and rests a hand on her stomach as she waits for him to return.

"I didn't get a chance to wrap it, but the gift bag is nearly as gorgeous as you…" his words die as he walks back into the room to find her sprawled across their bed. Her long, wavy hair fanning out across the pillows and the dark blue satin sheet falling across her hips leaving her top half naked. "I've changed my mind. The gift bag has nothing on you."

She rolls her eyes and smiles sweetly as she shifts to sit cross-legged in the centre of the bed. "I've got something for you, too." He grins. "But as you brought it up, you get to hand yours over first." His smile grows as he walks over and flops on the bed, sitting the small bag in her lap. He shifts onto his side; his head supported by his hands and pats her knee.

"Open it."

She offers him a small smile as she carefully frees one side of the tape holding the mouth of the bag closed and dips her hand in. Her fingers immediately find the soft edges of a picture frame, and she pulls it out. A grin lights up her face as she looks at the picture sitting in the silver edges.

It's of her, Alexis and Rick on their wedding day. Alexis is in the middle, looking directly at the camera with a huge smile on her face. Her arms are slung over their shoulders, holding them close. Though their arms are around the young woman, their faces are half turned to each other as they share a soft smile, eyes locked. Below the photo, etched into the silver frame in pretty cursive are the words _one love_.

"I sent one to Alexis and I'm going to put one on my desk in the office. I thought this one could sit in here."

She smiles and nods and sits it on her bedside table, angling it so it's as if their photo-selves are looking over them. "It's beautiful, Rick," she whispers and leans forward to kiss him softly.

Breaking the kiss, he taps the bag. "But wait, there's more."

Shooting him a bemused look, she dips her hand back into the bag and her fingers close around a small box. Pulling it out, her brows furrow in confusion. "Honey, we're already married."

He grins. "Open it."

She shoots him another look, and gently pries the box open. When she does, her breath catches in her throat. "Oh, Rick," she murmurs, the very tip of her pointer finger tracing the edge of the box delicately.

She doesn't wear a lot of jewellery, at least not on the job, but she can't imagine ever taking these newest additions off. Nestled in the dark blue velvet is a pair of square cut diamond stud earrings, and a silver ring with a single diamond in the middle. Surrounding the diamond are six coloured gems, three sapphires and three emeralds.

He gently pulls the box out of her hands and tugs the ring out, turning it slightly so she can read the engraving on the inside. "When I saw the ring, I thought I could buy it and give it to you for our anniversary. But I decided I couldn't wait that long."

She takes his hand and tilts it a little more, so the light catches the words and she can read them clearly. "'_KB Always RC'_. Oh, Honey, it's beautiful."

He smiles and slips it onto the middle finger of her right hand. "I figured you would be able to wear it without it getting in the way."

She nods and smiles. "They make what I got you look so small."

At the mention of his own present, he pushes himself up a little straighter and a childish gleam fills his eyes.

Laughing lightly, she shoves her hand under her pillow and pulls out the envelope. "Mine's kind of in two parts, too. You can open this one first."

With a questioning look in his eye, up lifts the flap and pulls out a square of photo paper roughly the same size as a Polaroid. "What is it?"

She waves a hand for him to turn it over and he freezes. "Is this…? Are we…?"

She nods reaches behind her back and holds her open palm in front of him. Sitting there is a small white stick with one end wrapped in a tissue and stuck down with tape. His eyes find the little window and he lets out a laugh when he reads it. "Pregnant? You're pregnant?"

She nods.

"How long have you known?"

"About a week after you left I was feeling really run down and lethargic. I thought it was just the late nights and stress from cases and missing you. One afternoon Lanie and I went out for lunch and I couldn't stand the smell of one of the hotdog stands we walked passed. I nearly puked right there and then. The next day I was looking at the calendar and I realised I'd missed my… time of the month. I thought it was just stress still, so I didn't think anything of it, til Ryan came in one morning jabbering about Liam and how big he's getting and it clicked."

"Does everyone at the precinct know?"

She shakes her head. "Just Lanie and Montgomery. Though the boys are probably suspicious."

He nods and doesn't say anything and suddenly she's worried that he's annoyed that she didn't tell him sooner.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you in one of our calls or texts, but it was something I wanted to tell you face-to-face. I wanted to see your reaction."

He looks up at her and a wide grin slowly makes its way onto his face and he punctuates each word with a kiss. "Best. Valentines. Gift. Ever."

_Looking Up – Paramore_


	34. Dear Bobbie

_*waves* Hii, everybody! Wow, it's been a while, huh? I'd like to tell you I've been missing because I've been busy writing, but that's a lie. Honestly? I had nothing. For weeks. And then netball started back up, which means I have more RL responsibilities that (supposedly) take precedence. Take this chapter, for example. Last night, when I was supposed to be writing a netball report for the local newspaper, I wrote this. It was soooo much more fun. I did eventually get the report written; once I concentrated it didn't take very long at all._

_Anyway, this hasn't been beta'd. There's probably a shitload of errors. The usual: tense and grammar. When I get a chance, I'll go back through again and fix them._

_What else did I have to tell you…? Oh! Right! This one jumps back and forth between present time and flashbacks. As always, flashbacks are italics._

Dear Bobbie

"_Cause when I die, then I die loving you"_

He's chained to a wall, but all he can think about is her. He could care less about the giant gash in his head, and the stab wound in his side, as long as she's safe and un-harmed. He hasn't heard about her and the team in _hours_, and his writer's mind is turning over all sorts of horrible scenarios. He wishes he could close his eyes without seeing her face. Because her face is lit up with happiness, and she's smiling and he wants nothing more than to be able to reach out and touch her, but he can't because she's not there, and anyway, his arms are locked painfully behind his back.

…

_Their first kiss (real first kiss, not plan F in a string of dumb ideas) comes as a total surprise to him. They're at the _Old Haunt_with the gang, sipping beers and playing pool while tossing around good natured insults. He's regaling them with a story about one of his many misadventures while at one of his many Prep schools. She's leaning against a bar stool, beer clutched lightly in her hand as she looks at him in pure disbelief._

_Ryan's laughing so hard he can barely hold the pool cue, while Esposito grips the edge of the table with one hand and his stomach with the other. Lanie's sitting next to her, laughing lightly in the way she does when she's not sure if she should believe the story she's being told._

_Eventually Ryan calms down enough to take his shot, but she murmurs the key word and it has Ryan losing himself all over again. He misaims and the balls go skittering around the table. She's a little pissed that her comedic timing screwed up her perfect shot, but snatches the cue he'd been leaning on, making him stumble slightly. She smirks as she leans over the table and lines up her shot. "Five ball. Bottom left," she calls out and taps the white ball _just_ hard enough. The five sinks and she does a little victory dance around the table._

_His eyes follow her like they always do, but there's a little something _more_ in his gaze tonight._

_She sinks another three balls, and she's left on the eight. Narrowing her eyes she mentally goes over all her options, moving from side to side and end to end trying to work out her best shot. Eventually she sighs and moves back to the opposite side of the table. "Eight ball. Top right."_

"_Bullshit, Beckett. You're good, but you're not that good," challenges Esposito and she stands straight, her eyes narrowing slightly._

"_Wanna make a bet?" she asks, eyebrow rising._

"_Sure. You miss, and you gotta kiss Castle."_

_She rolls her eyes. "Geez, Espo. Could you be any more immature?"_

_He just watches, too afraid to say anything, lest he give away how much he wants her to miss and mess up their chance at winning the damn game._

_Esposito shrugs. "Take it or leave it, Beckett."_

"_Fine. And when I make the shot?"_

"_Your drinks on me for the rest of the night."_

_She smirks and nods and reaches over to shake his hand. "Fine. Better make sure you've got enough cash on you, Espo."_

_She leans over the table and the whole group holds their breath. It's a pretty simple shot, really. Nothing that the slightest grasp of physics couldn't help. And she'd finished second in her class in physics, so she knows she's got it covered. Two slow, testing pulls of the cue later and she sends the white smacking into the cushions so it ricochets into the eight, which sends it spinning effortlessly into the top right pocket. She grins at Esposito and sends him to get her another beer. Ryan and Lanie tag along and she turns to him, her eyes shining._

_Cue still in her right hand she sidles up to him and places her left on his chest, her fingers toying with the buttons of his dark blue shirt. She flutters her eyelashes a little and bites her lip. They've been getting closer and closer ever since she broke up with Josh at the start of May, and their flirting and teasing has become more and more pronounced in the last couple of months._

_It's always been _when_ not _if_ with them and she looks up at him. "I didn't see it drop," she whispers, eyes falling to his lips._

_It takes all of point-three seconds for him to catch her drift and soon they're lost in the kiss. Their drinks and their game and their friends forgotten, because all that matters is them._

…

He has a thumping headache, and his wrists are chaffed and sore from twisting them, trying to get out of the cuffs, but he doesn't care. He has to _try_; he has to make an effort because he knows she works better with him. He knows she lives better with him. He knows she'll never survive losing him, too. Everything's finally falling into place for them, and things are going so smoothly and he doesn't want to leave her when there's so much left to do. He swears to God that if he makes it out of there alive, he'll never go another day without telling her he loves her.

…

_They tell Alexis and Martha about their burgeoning relationship three days after their kiss at the pub. He'd wanted to keep it quiet, spend time getting used to their new-found status, their new found intimacy._

_She shakes her head and brushes her hand through his hair, as they lay on her bed. They haven't had sex yet, but they've fooled around enough and it's only a matter of time. And, if they keep heading back to her place after shift, it's going to happen sooner rather than later._

_They're his family, she argues, they deserve to know._

_Martha's too nosey and Alexis will be wierded out, he returns._

_They probably already know, she counters._

_Then there's no need to say anything, he replies._

_It's a courtesy, they can't just start making out on his couch, she points out._

_They both thought it'd be the other way around; he wanting to tell everyone that'll listen for five minutes, and her wanting to keep it quiet, at least for a little while. But the role-reversal is refreshing, and even after they tell his family, they manage to keep it out of the gossip rags and papers for almost two months._

_Alexis and Martha's reactions to the news are eerily predictable. The older with a small smile, a knowing glint to her eye and a happy 'congratulations'. The younger with an excited squeal and a rib crushing hug for the two of them._

_She looks at him with an 'I-told-you-so' face and he just shrugs._

_That night is the first of many nights spent in his bed at the loft._

…

The room is pitch black, but every eight minutes or so, a blinding white light is shined directly on his face. The light doesn't help his headache, and it isn't on long enough for him to scope the room, and he thinks they're doing it to make sure he stays awake. He hasn't slept properly in what feels like months, but can't be any longer than a couple of days. And he's worried. God is he worried. He can't remember what happened, and if she managed to get away, but something tells him even if she did, she wouldn't have gone far because she wouldn't leave him like that.

…

_Their first real fight and their first real make-up and their first real 'I don't want to ever lose you' moment fall between their first Thanksgiving and their first Christmas. It was such a stupid argument that neither can remember what it had started with, but they do know it snowballed into hateful words and tears in her apartment._

_Thanksgiving had been a quiet affair. She had always known that he loved any holiday, and any excuse for a party was fine by him. But she hadn't done the whole 'family gathering' thing since her mother died and she was a little wary. Usually she and her dad ignored the holiday completely, saving their thanks and gratitude for their weekend-before-Christmas dinner._

_He organised it so that the Old Haunt would be closed to the public, but open to them, and he invited the gang from the Twelfth. They spend three hours there after the end of her shift, getting everything ready (and fooling around in his office) for the next day, and she was a bundle of nerves._

_It's their first 'thing' as a couple, and they're hosting it, too._

_Their dinner was done, and they were picking at their second and third helpings of dessert, sipping coffee and wine and beer and soda and chatting about nothing and everything. His arm rest across the back of her chair, and his fingers drew random patterns on her shoulder as they listened to the conversation ebbing and flowing around them._

_Jim was chatting to Ryan and Esposito about the up-coming baseball season, and Martha was chatting with Lanie, Alexis and Jenny about the latter's wedding two months prior. She slouches down in her seat a little more, leaning into him a little more, letting her head fall to that spot where his shoulder met his torso as one hand falls to his thigh and the other links her fingers through his._

"_Quite the picture of contentment, you two," Martha acknowledges with a little nod and raise of her wine glass._

_She smiles and he turns his head to kiss her hair._

"_Think you'll be giving her away soon, Jim?" Ryan asks as he caught his wife's eye._

_He can feel her freeze as her father turns to them, and he clears his throat quickly. "I don't think 'soon' is the appropriate term there, Ryan. I haven't even convinced her to move in with me yet."_

_Jim, wisely, opts to stay out of it as Ryan opens his mouth again. "It's only a matter of time, though, right? I mean, look at you." He waves a hand airily and she sits up straighter, shrugging his arm off her shoulder and excusing herself to the bathroom._

_When she comes back, she acts like she'__s fine and it takes him two weeks to get her to sit still long enough to question her. It starts as mild probing, seemingly random questions as he sits and watches her cook in her kitchen. Then he wonders why he can't get a straight answer out of her, and before he knows it, they're yelling at each other and calling each other names. Before she manages to kick him out, tears stinging her eyes, he leans in close and whispers, "I love you Katherine Beckett, and nothing you can do or say is going to change that. So get used to it."_

_Three days later, after making up in spectacular fashion in her kitchen, living room, shower _and_bed, she confesses she loves him too._

_It was the first time they've said it to someone and known that it was true._

…

He's so used to the bright light, and the inky darkness that he doesn't flinch anymore when the lighting changes. He just sits, with his chin on his chest, slouching in as comfortable position as he can manage. His head hurts and his back hurts and _everything_ hurts and he's so goddamn tired and fed up with being here. He just wants to go home to his girls and hug them and kiss them and forget this ever happened. But as every second ticks by, and every minute crawls and every hour drags, he's beginning to think that help isn't coming, and he's going to die here, alone.

…

_New Years Eve he officially asks her to move in with him. They're both drunk enough to not be afraid of answers, but sober enough to know what they're doing, and she gives him a little wink, a little smirk and walks away from him, to Alexis. He can't be mad, or annoyed, that she's avoiding the question, not when she adds that sexy little swing to her hips that has his mouth damn near watering._

_When the New Year ball drops and everyone's singing Auld Lang Sine and kissing and hugging and shouting 'Happy New Year', she leans into him and nibbles his ear, whispering 'yes' almost breathlessly. His grin grows and he kisses her so soundly that she swears the world stops spinning. They pull away and share a secret smile and his heart expands and melts all at once because _that_ smile is directed at him and if he has his way, it'll only ever be directed at him._

_When they wake in the morning, they're sluggish and heavy and _so _grateful for the service crew he'd hired to man the party the night before. She can't imagine even thinking about cleaning up the mess they and their friends no doubt left in the wake of a raging party. She surveys the damage from her place at the counter, wondering when exactly the blue button-up he wore the previous night ended up on the back of the couch._

"_M-morning, Kate," Alexis stammers around a yawn as she wanders down the stairs, her eyes sweeping the area. Her brow quirks slightly when she notices the shirt, and it's everything she can do to keep the blush of her face. "Good night, I take it?"_

_She nods quickly, winces when it feels like her head's being cleaved in half, and opts to answer with a hum of agreement._

"_What had you and dad so lovey-dovey and wrapped up in each other a little after twelve?"_

_She hesitates. They haven't had a chance to discuss letting Alexis and Martha in on the secret, their need for each other had taken over as soon as everyone had cleared out and they'd made it to his – their – room. She silently curses her damn body clock, making it impossible for her to sleep in past eight, but is saved by the man of the house stumbling in._

"_There you are. I rolled over looking for you and imagine my surprise when you weren't there for me to snuggle with." He clears his throat and walks over. "Pumpkin," he greets, kissing his daughter's forehead, before falling onto the stool next to her. "Morning, beautiful," he whispers, kissing her softly._

_She goes to roll her eyes, thinks better of it and glances at Alexis just in time to see her doing the honours, and making her oddly proud at the same time. She thinks he might still be a little drunk (because God knows she still feels a little tipsy) and slides her coffee over to him. In a picture of prefect domestic bliss, he takes a sip before sliding it back._

"_Better," he mumbles, to which she smirks and Alexis narrows her eyes._

"_You never answered me, Kate."_

"_Never answered what? Or do I not want to know."_

"_It's not bad, dad, I promise. I was just wondering what had you two so completely wrapped up in each other that you didn't notice that Ryan walked into the half wall three times in five minutes."_

"_What time was that?"_

"_A little after twelve. Long enough that the music had been turned way up again."_

_He thinks about it for a second, winces at the exertion, and finally offers a goofy smile. "Pumpkin, we have news," he states, reaching out and wrapping his arm around her shoulders._

_Alexis raises an eyebrow in a damn near perfect imitation and that stab of pride hits again._

"_Last night, I asked Kate to move in with us and she actually agreed."_

_Alexis, bless her heart and her head, lets out a strangled squeal of excitement (similar to that which she let out when they came clean about dating), and throws her arms around them in a group hug. "I'm so happy for you guys," she gushes, and then goes about making them a breakfast neither feel up to eating, but nibble at all the same._

_As she sits there with them, enjoying their company and quiet conversation, she wonders why it took her so long to realise this was everything she had always wanted. Why had it been so hard for her to realise that this family was her family, and they always would be?_

…

The light flashes are more irregular now, and it stays on longer and he wonders if maybe they're letting him glimpse the room because they know something he doesn't. Like maybe they're letting him say goodbye to his confines because he's going to be saying goodbye to everything soon. He can't stand the thought, because he won't get to say goodbye to the people that matter most. He won't get to tell her he loves her one last time. He won't get to hug his daughter. He won't get to grow old with them and watch the world pass by with them. He'll be leaving them in such a terrible way that it brings tears to his eyes and he prays to God again, offering anything and everything in return for sparing his life.

The light flashes on and his eyes automatically slip shut. When it's still on almost a full minute later and he _swears_ he hears a dull thud from somewhere beyond his four walls, his eyes snap open and he's almost blinded. The light is as bright as it has always been, but now it's closer to three minutes since it's been on, and, God, was that a gunshot?

He sits a little straighter and strains his ears, listening for anything and everything that means the cavalry's here and that she's here and that he's going to be fine. He doesn't realise he's holding his breath in an effort to hear more until the room starts to spin and the burning in his chest intensifies so that it feels like he's on fire. His breath comes out in one loud _whoosh_ as a door he didn't know existed on the far side of the room bangs open and he hears the most heavenly sound.

"Castle?"

It's not her voice, but Esposito is as good as anyone. He isn't going to be picky about who rescues him, as long as he's rescued and he gets to see her.

He tries to call out, but all that come is a harsh whisper and he coughs to try and clear his throat and hears Esposito calling again.

"Castle? Is that you bro? Cough or make a sound, dude. C'mon."

He coughs again and stamps his feet and wonders why the hell Esposito can't see him with that damn light lighting up the room like a freaking Christmas tree.

He opens his eyes and realises his wedged between a filing cabinet and a desk and he can't see Esposito either, so he kicks out his legs and the crashing of his feet into the side of the metal cabinet alerts Esposito to his position.

"Ryan! Beckett! I've got him, I've got Castle!"

He hears feet slapping the ground and looks up, expecting to see the Hispanic Detective and is shocked and excited and so damn happy to see the green-eyed, dark-haired _female_ detective that he laughs and cries and manages to relax all at once.

"Kate?" he mumbles his voice still scratchy and his lips dry and cracked.

"Yeah, Honey, it's me."

"Oh, God. Kate," he mumbles again and his shoulders sag and he feels like he's losing a fight he doesn't want to ever give up on.

"Its okay, Rick. I'm here."

He hears clothes rustling and feet shuffling and a weight pressing into his side and he's confused, but he'd recognise that scent anywhere and he realises she's curled herself into his side right there on the floor. His arms are still trapped behind him, but he doesn't care because she's _there_. And he's there and they're there together on the dingy floor.

She kisses his neck and his cheek and he closes his eyes at the touch and she kisses them, too. Her lips dance over his softly and he whimpers at the feeling and then she's pulling away, one hand on his chest just above his heart, and the other wiping her tears away.

She sniffles and offers him a watery smile. "Give me a second, Castle, and I'll have you out of those cuffs, okay?"

He nods because he doesn't think he's ever going to be able to find his voice and moments later his hands are free and even though they're tingling with blood rushing through again, he raises them to hold her face gently.

"Kate," he starts, and has to stop because his voice falters again.

She shakes her head. "Its okay, Castle. I know. I _know_, and I love you, too. Just… shh for now, okay?"

He closes his eyes and shakes his head and runs the pads of his thumbs under her eyes, collecting the tears that are still spilling. "One thing," he manages.

She nods, her bottom lip finding its way between her teeth.

"When this is over and we're back at home and everything's back to normal, promise me you won't freak out when I get down on one knee and ask you to marry me."

She nods and a smile sneaks onto her face and she kisses him lightly. "I promise you that when you ask me properly my answer will be the same as it is right now. Yes." She nods and more tears leak out of her eyes. "Yes, a thousand times, yes."

_Dear Bobbie – Yellowcard_

_If you're lucky, you might get another update in a couple days…_

_(And in case I forget, Happy Easter to those of you who… celebrate? And happy long weekend to those of you who don't. Have a good one‼)_

_I was going to put this at the start, but that A/N is already massive, so I put it here, instead. This goes out to the A.C.C on Twitter. They're the best bunch of mates a fan-girl could ever want or have. I love how we direct each other to certain fics, and always make sure to mention the others when a new chapter pops up on our favourite fics. You guys are awesome! _


	35. Chemicals Collide

_Literally the shortest thing I have ever written._

_Which is why there's two updates today._

_Enjoy!_

Chemicals Collide

"_I've had a couple of heartbreaks,  
But you're telling me that it's alright  
'Cause all the others were mistakes  
Yeah, I think this time  
I finally got it right with you"_

It was times like these that Richard Castle knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he was the luckiest man in the 'verse.

He had a brilliant daughter who was working her way through a double degree at Princeton (journalism and forensic science).

His mother was off touring the country for one of her plays (she had already been gone six months, and they added more onto the bill for the company's return to New York).

His latest book was another smash hit (number one on every major list in the country, number two in five Australian states and number three in the UK).

He hadn't had a gun pointed at him in almost three weeks (last month, there was three in one week, and damn wasn't that scary).

And, the love of his life, the woman he finally settled down for, the only person who could make threatening to kill him look sexy had just told him she was pregnant.

Yeah, things were amazing.

_Chemicals Collide – Boys Like Girls_

_(I seriously think the combined A/N's were longer than the actual fic..)_


	36. Because of You

_Another un-beta'd chapter (I swear I just made that word up). _

Because of You

"_Well I see the colour in your eyes. They set me free, yeah they get me high"_

For the longest time, she couldn't remember eyes ever being so expressive. Not the way they were now. She had always known, or at least wanted to believe, that they were the window to the soul. But before him, she was so focussed on looking into suspect and murderer's eyes that she'd forgotten that sometimes they hold something else.

Like when he's writing and they get that clouded, not-quite-here look.

Or when he looks at his daughter and she can feel (and practically _see_) the love and adoration rolling off him.

She knows the gleam he gets in his eye when they're building theory together and they're getting close to cracking the case open.

He gets a little glint of mischievousness when he's with Ryan and Esposito, and she can't bring herself to tell him off because he looks like a little boy, and it's adorable.

There's a fire in his eyes when they argue about her being a cop and not looking after herself, and he being in the public eye and messing things up, and about them being all over the papers when they venture out on dates.

The same fire is there when the paparazzi get too close, or when suspects hit on her. It's annoying and it's sweet and it's so completely him that she's learned to love it.

A grin crosses her face when she teases him and his eyes fill with lust and sometimes it's everything she can do to not jump him or drag him to the closest dark corner.

Her heart damn near explodes when she catches him watching her with Alexis. There's such a deep love in his eyes that she isn't sure she's worthy of, but she'll spend the rest of her life trying to get there.

She takes down suspects twice her size and instead of seeing plain worry, she sees mostly admiration and her face colours slightly. Other cops don't care how strong and tough she is, because it's simply her job. But she knows he's absolutely fascinated because he gets to see the softer side.

There's something about the way his eyes darken with desire at the simplest of things. Tousling her hair in frustration; licking sauce off her thumb when she's making pasta; the way she wrinkles her nose just before she sneezes. Most of the time she doesn't realise until his eyes are at half mast and he's looking at her in such a way it makes her skin crawl in anticipation.

Every time she pulls her badge and every time her phone goes off at some ungodly hour, his eyes fill with respect. He knows what it took for her to get from broken-daughter to no-nonsense cop, the hours and the effort and the heartbreak.

He's grateful when she acts as a buffer between he and his mother, and occasionally he and his daughter. She's never pushed her way into their lives, but let them come to her when needed. He knows she's the first girlfriend since Lizzie in the eleventh grade that his mother has liked; and she's the first person (apart from someone blood related) that Alexis has readily and eagerly attached herself to. His eyes glow a little bit brighter when he sees the three of them together.

But her favourite is the look in his eye when he tells her he loves her. Because it's a mix of everything and a thousand promises and hopes and dreams of their future. Of kids and grandkids and travelling and growing old together. It's the same look he wore the first time they slept together, and it's the same look he wore when he first uttered the words.

And in fifteen minutes, she's going to realise it's the same look he wore when he asked her to marry him.

_Because of You – Unwritten Law_

_Because Monday is a public holiday here in Aus, I thought I'd update today. Because The first of these two was so short, I thought I'd update with a second chapter._


	37. Chick Magnet

_To the ACC, who are always around when I'm bored outta my brain on Friday nights and who I can ALWAYS count on for Facebook likes and comments to my random Castle status updates (and the honorary members who aren't Aussies, but are often included in our convos anyway)._

_This one's for Sam, who was my 300__th__ reviewer. Always with nice things to say, and always with a prod and words of encouragement. Mostly the prod to get writing again. And the encouragement._

_Victoria, who taught me everything I know about fanfic._

_This is unbeta'd._

_Enjoy =D_

Chick Magnet

"_He knows just what to say, when it comes to the ladies  
knows how to make a girl smile  
how to drive a girl crazy"_

With the fan-girls and groupies, all it takes is one well-placed charming smile and look over the top of his (ridiculous, when he's inside) shades. Sometimes, he doesn't even need that. He's had girls flock to him simple because it's _him_. He's never questioned it, just abused his status, dating whomever and whenever he's wanted (as long as it doesn't clash with something Alexis wants to do with him. He can never say no to his little girl). The footloose-and-fancy-free lifestyle suited him. Alexis didn't get attached to random women who were only there for a good time, and he didn't fall for them and get his heart crushed in the process. It was easy and it was fun and it was what he wanted.

But with _her_ his usual tricks haven't worked. It's like she's immune to his plots and ploys and as time's gone on, he's realised that he _loves_ that. He has to be smarter, work harder, _prove_ himself as a man, not just as someone who'll be there for the good times.

He's beginning to think he's winning her over.

…

With his mother all he's ever needed was a cheeky grin. It didn't matter what he'd done as a child, bringing out that smile, with his dimples, always made her forget. He could use any amount of words (well thought out and put together or otherwise), but even for him, they never worked as well without the smile. For years she had wanted him to follow in her footsteps, but he fell in love with the written word long before he realised what being in the public eye meant. He sometimes wonders what life would be like if he _had_ followed his mother's footsteps. He'd be richer and far more famous than he was now. There'd be more girls and more parties and more _fun_.

But with _her_ the smile just causes exasperation, an eye-roll, and (sometimes) an ear pinch. It's like she sees through the facade and the deflection that smile is meant to bring about. He either has to stop being a pain, or find a way to apologise properly; he's never been good at doing what he's told, so he's found a million different ways to make it up to her.

He's hoping he can find a million more.

…

With his daughter he's been a mother father, brother, sister, best friend and confidant. He's spent hours playing dolls, braiding hair, in play grounds, dressing up, dressing down… He's watched his way through every Disney movie ever made at least ten times. He's shifted from being a pillow to a blanket to a teddy bear and back again in the space of five seconds flat. He's had is heart broken by one red head more times than he can count, but he keeps going back because he knows without a doubt that Alexis is the best thing that's ever happened to him. He once wondered what it would be like to be a single father to a son, if that would be easier because he was a boy once too. He wouldn't have to worry about boys; he wouldn't know the different circumstances for different flavoured ice-cream. He wouldn't have to worry about his little girl getting hurt by anyone.

But with _her_ he's never really sure what he is. It's like she changes her opinion of him several times a minute, shifting from one need to another. He knows they're friends. She's told him that a few times. He knows they're work partners. She may have only admitted it once, but once was enough. He knows he annoys her endlessly. She's complained often enough. He knows she trusts him with things she trusts no one else with. Johanna Beckett's case-file still sits on the desk in his home office.

He knows what he wants to be, but isn't sure she wants him to be that man.

XXX

Secretly, she gets a kick out of seeing him in his element. Watching him with his fans always brings a slow smile to her face. She can see just how much he loves talking to the less crazy ones. And, she's noticed his interactions with them have become more and more professional. She'll never admit to the ridiculous jealousy she used to feel when he chatted up other women. Just like she'll never admit to the perverse glee she feels when he shakes his head and refuses to sign some random woman's chest.

There's something inside her that twists when he smiles at her. She can feel a faint (_very_ faint) blush creep up her neck when he looks at her over the top of his (ridiculous, when they're inside) shades. As time's gone on, she's realised that his plots and ploys make her squirm and smile and _feel_.

She's beginning to see the _man_ behind the playboy writer.

…

Secretly, she's always been a little jealous of his relationship with his mother. She hates the twinge she occasionally feels when she sees them together. It's not his fault her mother was taken, but it is totally his fault she's never missed her mother more. She wouldn't ever hold it against him, because she can see the effort and the work they've put into their relationship. The more time she spends with them, the more similarities she sees in them, the more she sees between herself and her mother. She wonders if either of them realise that it's because of their easy relationship that she feels less and less guilty about not being able to close her own mother's case.

She wonders if he realises he uses the same smile when he's trying to win her over, as he does when he's trying to suck up to his mother. At first it kind of worried her, that he may see her as some sort of mother figure. But she's come to realise it's her authority that he reacts to. She wonders if he realises just how much he's changed since he started following her. He's less annoying and more helpful and far better at recognising when he's gone too far. She rolls her eyes far less during the day and has had to threaten him with physical pain on fewer occasions. She idly wonders if she's becoming so used to his million-and-one-ways-to-annoy-Kate-Beckett game that he can't annoy her anymore.

She's actually looking forward to him finding a million more.

…

Secretly, she fell for him the minute she saw him with his daughter. Though she'll never tell him, she's always been a sucker for a guy who was openly great with kids (yeah, bad boys are fun. But they're _bad)_. She'll never admit to the surprise she felt when she realised just how well adjusted his daughter is, considering who her father is. She'll never admit that knowing he did almost all of it on his own made her heart break just a little for them. His capacity for innocence still surprises her sometimes, but she enjoys his child-like wonder and excitement for life.

She wonders if he knows just how much he means to her. She's jaded and cynical but she can feel the small changes in herself. She's often stumbled upon random things in her day-to-day life and imagined what his reaction would be. And when she imagines his reaction, she's realised she ends up wearing that same childish grin. She looks forward to seeing him every day, and she wonders if he realises just how much light he's brought into her life.

She wonders if he realises he's the kind of man she's always wanted.

XXX

There's something depressing about the way fan-girls and groupies still flock to him. He can't lose his winning smile or his trademark (ridiculous, when inside) shades, because they're a big part of _Rick Castle: author_, even if they have nothing to do with _Rick Castle: man._ He remembers dating whomever and whenever, as long as those dates didn't clash with an Alexis date. He had a lot of fun during his footloose-and-fancy-free days. Alexis didn't get attached and he didn't get hurt and it had been what he wanted. At the time.

But, that life pales in comparison to the one he's living now. He was smart and he worked hard and he proved himself. He was there for the good times, and he held her through the bad and he finally won her over.

She doesn't bother to hide the jealous gleam when women hang off him, just like she doesn't hide the perverted glee she feels when they realise he's _with_ her. She doesn't even hide the blush that creeps up her neck when he looks at her over the top of his ridiculous shades, because she loves the man behind the playboy writer.

…

There's something endearing in the way his mother still mothers him. She fusses and bothers and flaps around him, and he just sits (or stands) there wearing that little boy grin and let's her. They both think they're humouring the other. That he lets her act like that, because she didn't do it enough when he was a kid. That she does it because it's what she thinks he has come to expect, and he teases her just for this reaction. That his little boy grin is his way of telling her everything is fine, and will always be fine. He doesn't realise that his words have a far greater effect on her. It's his words that alert her to his happiness or his pain.

It doesn't take long, but she finds that the jealously she sometimes felt is completely miss-placed. Not only does his mother dote on him and his daughter, she soon realises that the older woman dotes on her, too. She receives tight hugs and light arm pats. She sees the grateful looks and realises his mother puts a lot of faith in her, in the field. She realises that even if he comes home safe every night, his mother isn't completely satisfied until he tells her that _she's_ safe, too. That gaping hole in her heart has slowly been closed with the love from three of the most unlikely people.

She pretends things annoy her, just to see their smiles.

…

There's something about a father and daughter together that tugs at everyone's heart strings. He would do anything for his little girl, if it meant keeping her safe and happy. He'd go to the ends of the earth and back a million and seventy times if it meant he got to see her smile. The one thing he couldn't do was make her mother stay, and he hates that he can still see the fat tears that rolled down her face. He remembers every single time she broke down, after realising her mother wouldn't be there for Christmas, or a birthday, or a performance. It's the only area he feels like he's ever failed his daughter. That's why he kept the girls away. But _she_ is so different, and they get along so well, and he doesn't know what he'd do if she hadn't been there for them. Offering advice or regaling them with anecdotes from her younger years.

She sees a little (really, _very_ little) bit of herself in his daughter. She doesn't know why or how it's there, but it is and it makes her wonder. He told her once before that should anything happen to him, he wants her to look after his daughter. At the time she felt like it was a hell of a lot of trust placed upon shoulders that weren't ready. But after spending hours with the two of them, she can see what he saw. The girl looked up to her, and they had filled a void in each other's lives that neither were fully aware was missing.

It took a while, but they finally realised they were each other's perfect.

He drives her crazy, but he makes her smile. He lit up her life, and she's finally realising that she's done the same for him. He may have had women throwing themselves at him, but there's only three he let fully into his life. And he chose her.

_Chick Magnet – MxPx_

_(p.s. not entirely sure I like this one, but I'll leave it up to you guys...)  
(OH! And, totally saw these guys sing this song live way back in March... Was sooo epic!)_


	38. Time Bomb

_*waves* Hi._

_For Sam, who continuously tells me to write. It comes up in every conversation we have. I'm certain of it._

_SPOILERS FOR: Tick, Tick, Tick…  
Boom!  
Setup  
Countdown  
Knockout_

Time Bomb

_"And if I had to pull you out of the wreckage  
You know I'm never gonna let you let me go"_

He still dreams about her apartment blowing up. Sometimes it's as he remembers it. She answers her phone, and he can warn her. He screams her name down the line as he sees and hears and _feels_ her apartment exploding into flames. He knows its only minutes later when he slams down the door. He calls out for her, and hears her coughing and finds her naked in her bathtub. In his dreams, she's not worried about him seeing her naked, she's so shocked by the blast that she lets him help her out of the bath and into his jacket. In his dream, he averts his eyes anyway, because he knows that she appreciates it when he acts like a grown-up.

In that version of his dream, when they're out the busted down door, he pulls her into a hug. She wraps her arms around him tightly and rests her head on his shoulder. He can feel her shaking and he knows she's crying. He never sees the tears, just the clear tracks down her sooty face. When they break apart, he cups her jaw with his hands and they kiss. The kiss differs from hot and hungry, to soft and savouring, but it's always an amazing kiss.

When she inevitably gets kicked off the case and stays with him, she spends some of that first night in the guest bed, before sneaking into his room. They talk in whispers and sighs for hours and eventually fall asleep in each other's arms. They don't have sex, but what they share is a different kind of intimacy. The soft caresses and light touches speak to a completely opposite side of either of them. One that proves, at least in his dreams, that they would be amazing together. Because by the time the case is over in those dreams, she doesn't bother going to her bed. She just goes to his, and after they save Jordan from Dunn, they consummate their relationship. And it's everything he ever wanted and so much more. And he always wakes with a raging need for an ice-cold shower, but he doesn't care because she's still alive, and its history written the way he wants it.

When he wakes from the nice dreams, he floats to consciousness. His arm wrapped around her waist, one hand just under her left breast where he can feel her heart beat. His nose is buried in her hair, smelling her unique scent, as well as the cherry and vanilla he's loved almost as long as he's loved her.

Sometimes, the dreams aren't as fun.

In the bad dreams, he's just a little too late. With everything. He's a little late in figuring out they have the wrong guy and he climbs out of the cab just as her apartment explodes. He figures out the killer, but his thumbs stumble over his phone and it takes him two attempts to call her and as she picks up her cell, he hears her apartment explode. He figures out the killer and calls her but he can't get a cab and her apartment burns before he can smash down the door. He figures out the killer, and he gets in his call, and he's smashing down the door after the apartment has blown up, but she didn't make it to the bathtub in time.

And if his subconscious is feeling particularly nasty, they get the whole way through the case, but he's too late getting to her when Dunn's standing over her and before he can even think about the gun in his hand, Dunn's already shot her. He falls to his knees by her side and cradles her head gently, but he knows it's no use. Shot to the chest from point blank range… she doesn't have a hope in hell. He always kisses her lips and her eyes and her forehead and tells her he's falling for her and he'll never forget her…

When he wakes from the bad dreams, it's with a start. He gasps for breath, and though he can feel her warm hands on his body and hear her soft, comforting words, it still takes a few second for him to adjust. A few second to remember she's in bed with him, fine and breathing and _alive_. But when he does, he slumps back into the pillows, dragging her with him. They've been together for a little less than six months now. They survived Dunn and they survived a freezer and another bomb, and though it was touch and go for a while there, they survived Montgomery's death and she survived that shot to the chest.

It in those moments that he remembers why he first thought of her as extraordinary.

He closes his eyes when she kisses his forehead. Lets the panic roll over him and away from him, and when he knows he can deal, he opens his eyes and looks at her. He doesn't need to speak to tell her he loves her; they've always had the uncanny ability to converse with just their eyes. But he whispers softly, because there's nothing better than the way her eyes sparkle. Even in the dim light at some ungodly hour of the morning. It's in those moments he wants to ask her to marry him, but he won't do it because she is extraordinary and deserves to have the most extraordinary proposal. He's got it planned; the perfect blend of intimate and big and he just can't wait to execute his ideas.

He kisses her lips softly, and wraps an arm around her waist and snuggles against her. His hand rests just under her left breast, where he can feel her heart beating. He burries his nose in her hair and lets her unique scent drift over him, breathing in the cherries and vanilla, falling more in love with her and that smell with every inhale.

She is his forever, and he her one-and-done. Always. They're never going to let that go.

_Time Bomb – All Time Low_

_At this point, I would like to say a huge thanks to everyone who reads, reviews does both, whatever.  
This'll probably be the last one for a while (let's pretend it wasn't over a month since I last updated...) because I'm running away to join the circus. Not really. I'm going on an adventure for a couple months.  
So... yeah. Thanks for sticking with me. It's been over a year since I published my first Castle fic. And 'Shuffle' has been going almost as long. You guys are awesome!_

_Peace out!  
(See ya when I get back..!)_


	39. Can't Take That Away

Can't Take That Away

_"And I'm regretting it tonight  
Pushing you away  
and I know you don't believe me"_

She knocks on his door, breath suspended in her chest as she hears his footsteps slowly making their way across the hardwood floor. Slowly getting louder, almost perfectly in time with the beating of her heart. It's been too long. She's hid herself behind a lack of memory for too long. Behind a lie and three months of separation. Behind jokes and innuendo, behind a fierce need for closure and the pulling down of a wall that she's only just realised he was already inside of. Sessions with Doctor Burke are a mixed blessing. The self-awareness she prided herself on once, now a curse as she deals with the knowledge that her mother's case may never be closed.

And where would that leave her? Them?

She doesn't want to hide anymore. She doesn't want to stop herself, not when it comes to him. She remembers telling him about just wanting to dive in, but when the opportunity has presented itself, she hid.

Not anymore.

She's done. No more hiding. No more secrets. It's just them now. She and him. Writer and muse. Detective and shadow. _Partners._

The door swings open and she finds herself face-to-face with Richard Castle, shadow, daily annoyance, best friend, favourite author. So many different facets to him, but the one she wants isn't there. Not yet. But she's damn well going to fight for it.

"Ka- Beck- Kate. You didn't call. Do we have a case?"

She shakes her head. "Not, uh, nothing new. Can I come in? I need to talk to you about something."

He offers her a small smile and steps to the side, throwing his arm out behind him in invitation. The dimmed lights of the loft create a sense of warmth she always finds so comforting whenever she's there.

"Were you writing? I'm sorry to interrupt."

He shakes his head. "No, it's fine. It was just plot notes. I've hit a snag with Nikki and Rook. I know where I want them, just can't get them there yet." She raises her eyebrows and he shrugs. "Sometimes the words flow. Sometimes I just have to sit it out. I was somewhere in the middle. Writing whatever in hopes that it'd help. Would you like a drink?" he offers, ushering her in to the kitchen, and into a seat at the counter.

"Just water. Thanks, Rick."

He hesitates slightly at her use of his given name, but carries on less than two seconds later. Whatever she's come to talk to him about, it seems like its pretty serious. Maybe Gates has finally found a way to kick him out of the Twelfth for good.

He comes around the counter and sits next to her; close but not quite touching, as is their norm. At least, ever since the case with the tiger and handcuffs, it's been their norm. As he thinks about it, he realises it comes and goes, depending on how annoyed with him she is. Huh.

"So, you wanted to talk?"

She nods and takes a sip of water, gathering her thoughts before starting. She planned this moment to be like the run-up to a dive off a pier, but words aren't her strong suit. They're his. Now that her plan is being strangled by her own self-doubts, she isn't sure how to start.

"Kate? You know you can tell me anything, right?"

She nods and takes a breath. _Okay, here goes…_ "I have to tell you something, and I completely understand if you're mad, but let me finish before you say anything, okay?"

He nods and rests his hand next to hers on the counter, pinky fingers barely grazing.

"Do you remember last year, when we were in that radiation tent? We were talking about diving in? I had a session with Doctor Burke tonight, and I realised that as much as I said I wanted that kind of relationship, I was ignoring one huge factor: I was completely overlooking the one person who would be right beside me when I dove. Who would be there to join me?" She stops and takes another breath. "Castle, Rick, I remember everything. I don't think I ever really forgot. I just… I wasn't ready to deal with what it meant." Her eyes shift from her hands to his eyes, and she's surprised by the lack of surprise in his own.

"And you're ready now?" he asks, almost breathlessly.

"I think I'm ready to explore what it means. I'm not sure I'm ready to reciprocate, but I'd like to find out if one day I could." She offers him a small, close-lipped smile, before her brow crinkles in thought. "You're not surprised?"

He shrugs. "I think I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that you heard. Kate, you have this way about you, about expressing yourself without saying a word. It's like that song, you know, _'you say it best when you say nothing at all'_? not that I don't want you to tell me things, just that I've been following you long enough that I can kind of tell. It's my job to notice the little nuances with you, Kate. And the way you carry yourself, your body language and your facial expressions, and especially your eyes, they tell me a story."

"Are you mad?"

"Am I mad that you lied to me for months? Yeah, kind of. But I can understand _why_. I sprung that on you when you were at your Captain's funeral, just after you'd been shot. It wasn't the best of times to say such a thing, but I wanted you to know, I _needed_ you to know, if you didn't end up pulling through. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I didn't tell you then."

She nods slowly, and rests her palm against his cheek, the light stubble grazing her skin. "I'm sorry it took me so long, Castle. I've wasted so much time."

He shakes his head and lays his hand over hers. "You don't have to apologise. I don't want you to; I just want you to promise me one thing."

She quirks an eyebrow questioningly.

"Just promise me that when you're ready, you'll let me know straight away. I love you, Kate Beckett, and I don't want you to go another second without knowing that."

Her breath hitches, and though she's not ready to say it, not yet, she wants so badly to be able to. So she does the next best thing she can think of. Lifting her free hand, she cups his cheek and leans in, their breaths mingling as she stares him down. As she looks into his eyes, she realises that while she might not be able to say _those_ three words, there are some others she can share with him that might just have more meaning.

"I want to dive in," she breaths, her lips grazing his. "With you."

And then? Then she kissed him.

_Can't Take That Away – Friday Night Boys_

_**A/N:**__ So. Been a while, huh? I've got excuses, if you're interested, but the best explanation I have is this: When I got back from my adventure, I started a new job. This new job involves working six days a week, so I only get one day off, obviously. So, while this ficlet is rather short, it has taken me a few (ahem, more like six) months to flesh it out to this. I know I completely ignored most of what's happened this season, but this has been in my brain since "Rise" first aired. I'm not completely dismissing Castle's own secret (and I use "secret" loosely, because I think Kate Beckett is smart enough to realise that he still at least HAS all the research and information. He investigated for three months without her, didn't he?), but as someone who has forever found it difficult to deal with _those_ three words, it was easier to get into Beckett's mindset. Having said that, I make no promises about dealing with Castle's somewhat secret investigation of Beckett's shooting and Johanna's case. We'll see what happens._

_Sooo, anyway. I hope you enjoyed. And there weren't too many mistakes. This goes unbetaed. I know I promised you this, Victoria, but I wasn't sure when I'd get another free day to post._

_Feel free to send me corrections =D_

_Peace out!_


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